I know I am avoiding grieving — The Bump
TTC After a Loss

I know I am avoiding grieving

But I am trying to stay positive. We recently lost our little girl at 20 wks. I have my follow up with the doctor on Friday but trying to prepare myself by learning what our next steps might be. If you had a loss around 20 wks when were you able to try again? What do they do at the follow up appointment? Our daughter died from a non genetic brain abnormality neural tube defect, so I dont know if they will advise me to take any different prenatal vitamins or just additional folio acid. anything you can share would be greatly appreciated.

Re: I know I am avoiding grieving

  • I'm so sorry for your loss and that you find yourself here. This is an amazing community though and it has really helped me through those really tough times.

    My loss was much earlier so I don't have advice for you, but I do know that you will be hard pressed to find any ladies on the board who will tell you anything other than to listen to your doctor's orders when it comes to when to TTC again.

    I wish you the best at your followup and hope your stay here is short and sweet.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    TTC#1 since May 2012 
    BFP#1 6/2/12 EDD 2/17/13 Natural M/C 6/19/12
    BFP#2 10/30/12 EDD 7/12/13 CP 11/2/12 
    BFP#3 11/29/12 EDD 8/10/13 CP 12/2/12 
    BFP#4 12/26/12 EDD 9/7/13 
    1/18/13 HB 140! GROW BABY GROW!

    Welcome to the world Little Girl! Born on her due date! September 8, 2013, 7lb 11.8oz, 19.5" long. 

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    **PgAL/PAL welcome**
  • I am sorry for your loss! I had a loss at 21 weeks in march. We were told to wait for at least 3 months for my body to get back on track. I would recommend calling your doctor and setting up an appointment to any of your questions. It was the best thing I did after our loss. Also at the follow-up they did a pelvic exam so it is lik a yearly check up. My baby also had an abnormality and was told to take an extra frolic acid with this last pregnancy. I would ask if they would like you to ad it to he prenatal vit. You are taking. So sorry again!

    BFP#1 9/7/11 EDD 7/23/11 mc @21 weeks caused severe bladder obstruction on 3/14/12
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    BFP #2 9/9/12 EDD 7/19/13 started to mc @ 8w1d on 12/7/12 ended up with d&c 12/18/12, stopped developing @5w5ds

    Unexplained IF
    BFP#3 3/3/14 After 1st iui and clomid cycle
    beta 1: 137 beta 2: 268
    Beta 3:1248
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  • I'm so sorry for your loss.  ((hugs)).  Initially my doctor advised me to wait at least 6 months to a year.  He said it was to allow time for my uterus to heal and for me to heal emotionally.  When I went back for my follow up, I asked him more specifically why I had to have such a long wait before TTC, and when would I physically be able to do so safely.  Then he told me after two or three normal cycles.  The 6-12 month wait is more about allowing yourself time to grieve, which my therapist whole heartedly agrees with by the way.  For me though, I find that the only thing giving me hope for the future is to TTC in January, which will make 3 normal cycles before trying to do so.  I may feel differently when January is actually here, but for now, that's where I'm at.  Again, I'm so sorry for your loss and that you find yourself here. 
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     Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

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    BFP#1 - 11/27/09 EDD 8/5/10, DS1 arrived 7/24/10 via emergency c-section.

    BFP#2 - 6/18/12 EDD 2/23/13, sweet baby girl born sleeping on 10/4/12 at 19 weeks, 3 days.

    BFP #3 - 1/18/13 EDD 10/1/13, natural mc on 2/2/13 at 5 weeks, 4 days.

    BFP #4 - 8/29/13 EDD 5/12/14, our sweet rainbow, DS2 born 4/29/14 via c-section

  • My son was 36 days old.  He was born at 34w6d.  I don't have much advise for what the dr. will tell you.  We were told we could start trying whenever we wanted.  We personally decided to wait a year.  Just know that there's no right or wrong way to grieve and right now the best thing to do is do whatever it takes to get you though the day.


    In memory of Corbin Scott 10/28/11-12/3/11. Heaven got another angel the night you left this world behind Heaven got a little better the day it took you away from me Missing you tonight, see you again sometime For now I'll close my eyes and dream of heaven tonight I'll love you forever I'll like you for always Now and Forever My baby you'll be

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers








  • I am so sorry for your loss. I loss my son at 20 weeks also due to a placental abruption.  There are several of us on the board who had losses around the same time as yours and we have all been told different things.

    Because I went into pre-term labor that they were unable to stop, I delivered vaginally. I had no complications and got my first post-loss period 26 days later. My OB cleared us to TTC after that cycle. I am also 40, so my OB may have taken that into account when not having us wait. Physically, I bounced back to normal really quickly. 

    At the 4 week follow-up all she did was talk to us.  You may want to call your doctor's office ahead of time to request that they bring you into a room quickly so you are not left sitting in the lobby with pregnant women. It was just a very emotional appointment and difficult to be back in the office/exam room with everything still very fresh. (((((hugs)))))

    The day the Bump died - Jasper is wise
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  • I am very sorry for your loss.  I don't have advice since my loss was at 8 weeks (baby stopped growing at about 6 weeks).
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  • My loss was also at 20 weeks, and every doctor told me something different.  The doctor who delivered said we could try again in the next cycle, the OB said a year, the perinatologist said 6 months, my RE said 2-3 months.  The genetic counselor, who I was close to, eventually told me that the reason there were so many differences is because there wasn't a right or wrong answer and I needed to trust my gut.  Aside from the physical recovery of labor, there was an emotional aspect that was even bigger.

    We started trying again at 3 months after the loss.  I do feel like it may have been too soon, and we'll take a mini-break (not avoiding, but not aggressively trying) through the holidays and due date.  I think 5-6 months would have been better for me.

    Baby Boy born sleeping at 20 weeks.
  • Bug girl I am 36 almost 37 so not a lot past 35 but AMA none the less, so I wondering if they will also advise me differently because of that.
  • I am sorry for your loss.  Welcome. I don't have advice since I had an early loss.

    TTC Since 8/2011
    BFP #1 5/13/12 * EDD 1/24/13 * MC at 7 wks 4 days on 6/11/12
    BFP #2 5/13/13 * Current EDD 1/23/14

    Baby N born 2/8/14

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    Lilypie - (HD7B)



  • I'm so sorry for your loss :( you're in good company here though. I wish I could help but I lost my baby at 12w (baby had stopped around 7-8w) so I'm not sure.
    BFP#1 9/28/2012 - EDD 6/3/2013 - MMC discovered 11/21/2012 @ 12w2d - D&C 11/24/2012
    BFP#2 4/4/2013 - Born at 37w3d on 11/26/13 via emergency c-section
    Loving our beautiful rainbow baby boy Archer!

    ~*All AL Welcome*~
  • A friend of mine lost her baby boy at 22 weeks. The doctor recommended that she wait a few cycles just to let her body recover. In September of 2011 is when she lost him and she was pregnant again just after the first of the year. She just recently have birth to a healthy baby in October. I don't know if that helps much...I'm so sorry you had to go thru that. I hope the doctors can give you better answers!
    BFP #1 7/23/12: EDD 4/1/13.  MMC discovered on 9/4/12 @ 10w1d
    BFP# 2 3/9/13:  EDD 11/12/13 m/c 3/15/13 @ 5w3d
    RPL testing shows one copy of MTHFR gene mutation. 
     BFP#3 12/24/13: EDD 9/5/14 Beta #1 13 DPO 168! Beta #2 16 DPO 895!
     First US 1/9/14 @ 5w6d Strong HB!
    2nd US 1/23/14 @ 7w6d baby is still doing great! 3rd US 1/31/14  9w0d: Beautiful wiggly baby! Keep growing baby!
    3/17/14 US @ 15w3d:Its a BOY!


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  • I'm so sorry for your loss. My loss was very early so I have no advice, just wanted to send some hugs your way. Welcome to the board. I hope you get some comfort here.
    BFP#1 8/3/12~EDD 4/1/13~Natural M/C 9/1/12-9w6d 
    BFP#2 5/30/13~EDD 2/3/14~Confirmed CP 5/31/13
    7/12/13 Hysteroscopy & Lap Lysis of Adhesions
    1st Cycle on Clomid Aug '13: BFP#3 8/24/13~EDD 5/3/14
    Hoping Third Time's a Charm!!- IT'S A GIRL!!!! 

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    Lilypie - (nUwf)

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  • I am so sorry for your loss. I had a very early loss so I don't have any advice. I hope your follow up goes well though.
    BFP #1 9/26/12 MC 10/6/12
    BFP #2 1/8/13 Baby Boy Born 10/2/13
    BFP #3 12/13/16 CP
    BFP #4 1/12/17 MC 1/27/17
    BFP #5 3/11/17 EDD 11/2/17

  • So sorry for your loss. We lost our baby girl later in pregnancy about 3 months ago due to chromosomal abnormalities and I was told to wait a couple of cycles. My RE did a sono-hystogram to examine my uterus after that point as well and told me that we are cleared to try again when we are ready. It's very scary of course so I am not sure when we will be ready. I am 29 so while time is seemingly on our side from a doctor's perspective, it has taken us over two years to get here so we will see.

    After my second loss we waited over a year to try again for emotional reasons.  

  • I have no advice for you, I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss. Welcome to the board. Big ((hugs))

  • I'm so very sorry for your loss ((Hugs))

    I also had a later loss at 21 weeks and I've gotten a few different opinions from different doctors about how long we should wait. My OBGYN who followed the pregnancy told me to wait 6 months and the OBGYN who did my DnC said 3. Ultimately, we're going to wait until my first appointment with my new RE which is in February to start TTC again which will put us at about 4 months. It really depends on your individual situation, so I would really make it a priority to ask your doctor at your follow up.

    As for the follow up itself, I didn't have to wait to see the doctor. I was put in an exam room almost immediately and she then examined me quickly. Mostly though, the follow up included telling me about a game plan for my next pregnancy, prescribing birth control to regulate my period and a quick run through of what to expect for the next couple of months.  


    me (31) & dh (36)

    bfp 04/06/12 - 21 week twin loss 27/10/12 DX: Incompetent Cervix

    17/11/12 - hemorrhage and d&c

    Feb. TTCAL siggy challenge - favorite love story (book or movie)


    Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. ~ Ghandi

    PGAL/PAL always welcome!


  • I'm so sorry that you lost your daughter.  My losses were all very early, but my guess would be that your doctor would advise you to wait a couple cycles to begin TTCAL.  All I know about neural tube defects is that folic acid is supposed to help that, so I don't have anything additional to contribute there.

    ((((HUGS))))  I'm very sorry this happened to you.

    PAIF/SAIF, PGAL/PAL welcome.
    TTC since March 2010 ~ Dx Unexplained IF September 2011
    2011: IUI + Clomid = CP#1
    2012: 3 more IUIs + Clomid = 3 more CPs. One on-our-own pg, also CP
    2013: BTB IUI + Lupron/Follistim/Prometrium/PIO = CP #6
    IF testing, RPL testing, Autoimmune testing = all normal
    So lost.
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  • So sorry for your loss.  Welcome to the board.

    I had a loss at 21 weeks.  I was told to wait 3 cycles before trying again.  My follow-up visit consisted of an examination, ultrasound and then talked about the plan for my next pg.

    Your doctor may suggest a clinical amount of folic acid (more than 1 mg) for your next pg.   

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

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    BFP #1 - 01/12/12, EDD 09/12/12, Medical Induction @ 21 weeks 05/03/12
    BFP #2 - 10/30/12, EDD 07/04/13, Natural m/c @ 5 weeks 11/01/12
    BFP #3 - 02/07/13, EDD 10/12/13
    Dx: Incompotent Cervix

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

  • The user and all related content has been deleted.
    TTC since Nov. 2010

    8.15.08 - St. Lucia
    He licked me! I can't believe he did that. Oh, how I love my hubby!!

    BFP-3.11.11 EDD-11.12.11 Born Sleeping-7.13.11
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    BFP-5.4.12 EDD-1.5.13 D&C-6.1.12
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    BFP-2.20.13 EDD-10.30.13


  • so sorry for you loss. t&p



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  • I am sorry for your loss. My loss was at 9 weeks with the baby only measuring 6 weeks so I don't have a lot of advice for you. Just wanted to reach out to you.
    **BFP#1 9/5/12   EDD 5/15/13  changed to 5/25/13 after u/s,  missed mc 10/19/12.  D and C 10/22/12** 
     **BFP#2 9/12/13  EDD 5/16/14 changed to 5/27/14 after u/s, hb 126 on 10/11/13, miscarriage on 10/24.13**
    ~RPL testing results from 12/6/13 show everything normal except elevated prolactin. Blood work is now in the normal range. All AL welcome!
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