Reluctantly Joining

toomanycats1 · December 2012

Received the bad news today. Looks like my HCG levels are going down. I thought everything was fine up until Friday when I turned 12 weeks. Friday night I started spotting. It was only light, and no cramping, so I wasn't too worried and I went to see the doctor on Monday.

She sent me to get my HCG levels read, with a repeat today to see if my levels were in the right range. She called this afternoon to say it was 2000 on Monday, and 1000 today.

I am completely blindsided. I was sure I had found the heartbeat on the doppler, and that it was going to be ok. I was 12 weeks, and had seen the heartbeat at 6 weeks. I still have no cramping and the spotting seems to have stopped.

Can you tell me where to go from here? I think I'm in shock, I'm upset, but not nearly as upset as I feel I should be. Then again, I think I'm being strong for my 5 year old DS and DH.

They are sending me for an ultrasound tomorrow to see what happened, and then they are giving me meds. I am not looking forward to the next few days. I just want it to be over.

Is it normal to just want it over and move on, or do you think it will hit harder later? Any help or guidance is really appreciated.

(Sorry about the June banner in my signature. It's deleted but hasn't disappeared for some reason).

lmcdonald121 · December 2012

My initial post to this board is a few below yours. So, while I'm not positive I'm joining, it looks like it's a good possibility. I too feel like if it's not going to work out this time around then I just want it to be over. My DH and I desperately want children, so if it's over this time, then I want to be able to move on and try again. You're probably feeling the same thing. I don't think any of us would want to have to endure something so painful for an extended amount of time. I don't think closure can begin until it's over and done with.

KTdid82 · December 2012

I am so sorry you are going through this. I was supposed to be a June mom, too.

I think that if there's one thing I've learned in the last few weeks, it's that whatever your are feeling about things is completely okay. Everyone handles loss differently. Feel what you feel, and don't question it. I hope you are able to find peace. Best of luck.

femmepink · December 2012

nyahsbabyblues:
Received the bad news today. Looks like my HCG levels are going down. I thought everything was fine up until Friday when I turned 12 weeks. Friday night I started spotting. It was only light, and no cramping, so I wasn't too worried and I went to see the doctor on Monday.
She sent me to get my HCG levels read, with a repeat today to see if my levels were in the right range. She called this afternoon to say it was 2000 on Monday, and 1000 today.
I am completely blindsided. I was sure I had found the heartbeat on the doppler, and that it was going to be ok. I was 12 weeks, and had seen the heartbeat at 6 weeks. I still have no cramping and the spotting seems to have stopped.
Can you tell me where to go from here? I think I'm in shock, I'm upset, but not nearly as upset as I feel I should be. Then again, I think I'm being strong for my 5 year old DS and DH.
They are sending me for an ultrasound tomorrow to see what happened, and then they are giving me meds. I am not looking forward to the next few days. I just want it to be over.
Is it normal to just want it over and move on, or do you think it will hit harder later? Any help or guidance is really appreciated.
(Sorry about the June banner in my signature. It's deleted but hasn't disappeared for some reason).

Yes. It's normal. As sad as I am about my loss...(and I am devastated). All I can think about is moving on and TTC again. I just feel so empty right now. This experience has made me realize how badly I want to be pregnant and be a mommy.

In your case, maybe you will never be "upset", just disappointed, frustrated, angry, depressed...everyone is different. There is no wrong way.

At first I wasn't "upset", but I became upset after the first ultrasound, and then once I passed the baby.

Anyway, I am so sorry for your loss. If you need to chat, vent, anything, please PM me. I went the medicated route, too, so maybe I could help lend support or advice there?

((hugs))

ellajune2012 · December 2012

I agree with pp... everyone reacts differently, there's no 'right' or 'wrong' way. I reacted differently to my second one than I did to my first. You can't choose your feelings, they just are what they are... sometimes they make sense, and sometimes they don't. But that's okay.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Please don't add to that by beating yourself up over what you 'should' be feeling.

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