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Baby Showers
Overzealous Friend/ Baby Shower
I need some advice:
First of all my best friend wants to throw me a shower and I couldn't be more grateful. But, here's the thing, I hate a lot of the ideas she has come up. Some of them are downright tacky. How do I let her know? Or should I just let her do it and be glad that she's planning anything at all?
Second, I want men to be able to come AND have fun. Any ideas???
Third and lastly, my sister-in-law had a shower a few months ago and invited everyone via facebook and a TON of people rsvp'd but a TON of people didn't show up and there was way too much food and it was kind of dull in my opinion. I am sending invites through the mail, but how can I say please only rsvp if you actually intend to come. It will be catered so it would be a problem if they didn't show.
Thanks so much for any insight This discussion has been closed.
Re: Overzealous Friend/ Baby Shower
1- If she asks your opinions, you can gently give her your opinion. But in the end, this is her party that she is throwing for you. Depending on what you mean by "tacky" may slightly change my advice - like if she wants to tell everyone to bring a book, and diapers, AND also a dish.... I'd be stepping in and saying "no- please don't. They shouldn't be asked to give so much".
2- Depends on your friend and her budget. Men means basically doubling the guest list. If she doens't want to/ can't (either due to money or space) - then you need to respect that.
3- an RSVP is saying 'Only if you intend to come" - you can't really say more than that. But you also need to realize that what your SIL did was REALLY tacky and the reality of getting a realistic count was pretty slim. Mailed invitations to your closer family and friends will probably yield better results.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
1. You can tell her you don't like something if she asks for your opinion. I know it's hard but any tackiness would reflect on the host, not the guest of honor.
2. What ECB said is 100% correct - inviting men could effectively double the guest list. If your friend can't afford/fit that many people in the space, that's a no.
3a. YOU aren't sending the invitations, your host is.
3b. People RSVPing and not showing up happens, it just does. I was at a wedding last weekend and had two empty seats next to me and there were scattered empty seats at other tables where people had RSVP'd and not attended. It's not avoidable completely. To get the best idea of how many attendees there will be, your host should set a response date a week or so before the event and then call anyone who has not RSVP'd to check in with them. They might have forgotten or lost the contact info. Again, this isn't anything YOU should be doing. Have a list of phone numbers ready to hand over to your friend if she needs to touch base with guests.
You can say "Regrets Only" with the RSVP information if your friend wants. I would set the RSVP deadline the day or so before any catering deadline and then it is on your friend. I personally think it is easier just to give RSVP info and then reach out to guests who have not committed either way.
If it is a catered event, then your hostess should have no problem reaching out to people-everyone can understand a phone call along the lines of "I haven't heard if you will be able to attend the shower this weekend, please let me know so we can get the catering numbers as accurate as possible".
Ditto to PP on issues 1+2. I am personally not a fan of co-ed showers and I feel few men are interested in attending. For some of my friends' showers, the father to be has gone out to a bar and watched sports with the other husbands/boyfriends during the shower time. This works if you have a friends shower with a circle that regularly socializes together.
If she asks for your opinion you can give it. Otherwise you shouldn't say anything.
It's up to her if she is financially able to or even wants to invite me. She's planning the shower, not you. If she asks for your opinion you can say something like "You know, I really think a co-ed shower could be a lot of of fun."
It's tacky to use facebook for invites BUT if that's what she does you can't control it. People RSVP and don't come. It happens and there's nothing you can do about it. I think it is probably more likely to happen when invites are sent on facebook.
Why are you sending the invites? Your host should be in charge of that.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Yeah and/or made a facebook event. For grandparents and some family I just handed them an invitation that I made at christmas (wedding was Feb 5th.) We had just found the place the week before hand so I had to hustle to get those made fast.
Worked out well. The main issue in attendance was due to the fact that there was a blizzard the day of our wedding. I got a lot of calls from people the night before and that morning saying their car couldn't make it through the snow. Maybe it was the post office god's wrath.
Which is why
"I personally think it is easier just to give RSVP info and then reach out to guests who have not committed either way."
was my next sentence. You can do a "regrets only" RSVP. I did not recommend it either.
Or people don't respond at all either way. Major rudeness and what my mother would call "no raising".
OP, one of the reasons catering is so expensive isn't just the cost of the food itself - it's the waste you have to factor into the equation. Some people will say they are coming and not show up; some people won't RSVP at all and show up anyway. You have to guesstimate with the count, and you have to include extras in case - which is a bummer when you have $X to spend and you could spend more per person if you knew the precise number...
Sadly, you never know the precise number, which means the only way to reduce your stress is to reduce the cost per person.
I agree with this. One good thing about RSVP's is that if they don't RSVP you, your host, your mom...whoever can call them ask if they are coming.
Do NOT do a Regrets Only because people do not call and let you know they are not coming (it is easier to let you know they are). Your numbers will really be messed up and you can't very well call people (can only assume they ARE coming although they probably aren't).