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Blended Families
lvnlife3184
member
just a quick rant...
lvnlife3184
member
BM tells DH yesterday if we need "help" with their children during the birth and afterwards of our baby she's willing to help......
really??? you want to help? you could probably quit with the lawyer stuff and not be trying to get more money out of DH all of a sudden right when our baby is going to be born!!
obvioulsy he told her we can handle the children. not sure what she'd do anyway. our custody days she's working and is gone from her house by 6:45 am probably and not home until 8pm. then she demanded to know who will be watching them and where they will be at all times if something arises for us because she has a right to know where HER children are. He reminded her they are his children also and he does not demand to know who all of her babysitters are on her time. (obvioulsy we will be asking family to help....he told her that he wouldn't be asking strangers to come watch them.)
wish she'd let go and let him have his life and she could go about hers...
ok i feel a little better 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: just a quick rant...
I don't know your story, but I think its "nice" that she is offering to help with the children during the birth. I also think she has a right to know where her children are if they arent in either of your (DH or you) care. But my opinion is based on what age the children are. Do you have right of first refusal?
I'm glad your rant made you feel better :-)
BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013
she's never done anything to actually help. she usually just goes out of her way to make things difficult for everyone. She's very selfish and is only being nosy. She gets very jealous and angry if the kids are around my family. they are ages 7 and 4. yes she has a right to know and if she were to call to talk with them or something DH would obviously tell her where they are but to try to tell her exactly whats going to happen...we don't know obviously cause nobody plans when they go into labor. she's just a hateful person towards us who has randomly started going after more money knowing our LO is due within the next couple of weeks....She's questioning the safety of the children in our home too. just ridiculous things from her.
She wants to control everything during DH's custody days as well as her own is all and it drives us nuts.
this is the same BM who will NOT agree to a set schedule for the children and she makes her own schedule which isn't consisten at all. its a horrible schedule for the children...
From what you say about BM she is definitely annoying, but this might have just been her actually trying to help.
I don't really want to nitpick, but you've mentioned this a couple times.
If my XH was having a new baby, I would absolutely want to make sure all his CS numbers were updated and all my ducks were in a row. It's not hateful, it's just smart.
I get that it's not the best thing for you/YH, but that's not really her problem.
would have been a thoughtful gesture until she got nasty after he told her he'd be able to handle it and she started demanding information that we don't have.
but yes i understand if i were in the other's shoes i'd do the same...in fact i do thoughtful things quite a bit. during dh's custody time if he's going to have to go back to work for a while or something, instead of myself as SM picking up the kisd i tell him no and let her keep them until HE can get them because its ridiculous for me to take them from her if their dad isn't available. i've also done many favors for her like picking up girl scout cookies, all kinds of fundraiser stuff, take the kids to sports and activities when neither BM or DH can. she's never once thanked me or told me she appreciates any of it. but she has acknowledged me by name in an email to DH before saying i am NO parent to the children and have no say in anything they do. nice....
ok sorry about the extra rant. haha i do understand what you guys are saying she MAY have been trying to be nice. except the nasty messages she sent after kind of just disregarded the nice one i guess....
And her messages get nasty if she isnt given the answer she wants right away. This IS the same woman who bit dh in the arm in front of her children because she didnt like the plans he had made with the children the evening he picked them up.
we obviously arent going to withhold info from her but I also doubt we will be jumping to the phone to contact her while
rushing to the hospital and welcoming our
baby.
omg yes i totally understand how u feel trust me i am going thru the same exact thing..yes maybe she did try to offer help but when she didnt get thr answer she wanted she got totally nasty nosy..my DH BM is the same way..when she doesnt get answers shes fishing for she sends nasty texts to his phone constantly just because he wont give her the answer she wants to hear..pure nosiness..also with the thing who's can or gonna watch the kid thats so her..its like one day shes trying to be helpful a lil too helpful but then in a minute she can be so spiteful too! I'm glad your Dh didnt offer her to help said that yall have everything under control! Sometimes BM's will play as many games as they can with us just to be nosy to see whats going on even if they have to pretend to not have a motive in doing things! Thats sad but its so true!
Glad you understand! lol I totally get that some BM's are understanding and genuinely want to help. But obviously some of us aren't that lucky to deal with them. The only time ours is nice is when she's fishing for info or wants something in return. we have figured this out over time now. DH used to cooperate all the time until he started seeing her motives and control issues she had with his custody time.
I honestly wouldn't think anything but her being nice at this time even, except for the nasty messages after he told her he'd be able to handle everything and the fact that with her job she's not even home from 7am-8pm on the days we're talking about here....how would she be helping? and if i go into labor in the middle of the night while we have SK's....i'd hope she'd rather us just have their uncle or someone from DH's family come over to the house and stay to wake up with them the next day instead of waking the poor kids up in the middle of the night to change houses and then have to be up WAY earlier with BM than they would at our house anyway.
I do understand as other BM's have said, she has a right to know who's watching them and where they are....but again our situations are all different and she's only trying to nose in and if she is to call at a time that the kids are with another family member....we will then tell her and give her the phone number to call them (if she doesn't already have it...she has all of dh's familys phones numbers). otherwise its not our top priority to get ahold of her while she's at work (which she claims she can't have her cell on her during) and tell her exactly what our plan is as i'm having a baby.
And i do find it unfortunate that we don't have a relationship with her that we would feel more obligated to do so. I had hoped for that with her originally. She only walked all over my niceness as well as DH's though...