Pregnant Bride?

Jessica&Levin · November 2012

Trying to decide if we should get married before baby comes...

I was raised that first comes love then comes marriage then comes the baby lol

I am worried my father will upset me with his reaction that we are expecting because we are not married..

We have been engaged for two years.. haven't got married yet because we wanted something nice and we dont have the means to pay for it all yet.. MY parents are toooooo cheap, but probably for a good reason, they dont have any debt haha...

What are your opinions? We have the place picked out... It is a restored barn, PERFECT for our rustic theme with mason jars etc.. Failry, somewhat cheap... $700

Do something small with a dinner and no dj or alchohol?

Do something simple with potluck dinner and byob haha?

Go to the beach just me and him and get married and stay? (not to sound greedy but no gifts this way haha)

I don't know, me and fiance are torn on what to do.

YES i know it' not about the wedding. It's about the marriage, we just want it to be fun and our friends and family to have a good time..

purplepeanut6 · November 2012

what does your FI think?

kt012885 · November 2012

That's a tough one. A lot of ppl I know just wait and get married- but I def see where you are coming from. What if you and your fiance got married and then had a reception after the baby is born? I think either decision is good as long as you and your fiance agree! Congrats btw!

Jessica&Levin · November 2012

Sorry do you mean Fiance? ha, havent learned all the abbreviations yet

Fiance and I BOTH want to be married, but BOTH want our friends and families to enjoy themselves as well...

Jessica&Levin · November 2012

Thank you

He's very accepting and doesn't "care" usually He just wants everyone to enjoy themselves and wants me to have what I want, but I want him to have what he wants TOO haha

MelissaRae1525 · November 2012

Please don't do the potluck wedding. That's incredibly tacky.

My SO and I aren't getting married for a few years because we can't afford the kind of wedding we want. If it's that important to you just get married at the court house and celebrate later when you can. My cousin did this and it turned out really nice.

purplepeanut6 · November 2012

Jessica&Levin:
Sorry do you mean Fiance? ha, havent learned all the abbreviations yet

Fiance and I BOTH want to be married, but BOTH want our friends and families to enjoy themselves as well...

for future here are all the abbreviations:

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/blogs/nest_baby_editors/pages/the-bump-community-glossary.aspx

IMO, If you want to get married before than do it! You dont need 100 people. Bring close friends and family you can get married on the beach and then go to a restaurant or an inexpensive caterer. you dont need 1000 people there. or invite them only to ceremony and do dinner just close fam/friends.

StarshineR · November 2012

There's nothing wrong with small if that's what you want. Oh, and traditionally, it was the parents of the bride and groom that paid for the wedding. lol. But don't tell your parents that. You could probably meander on over to "the Knot" and see what anyone over there says about your situation. The Knot is a great wedding resource, and they have some good budgeting ideas.

Also, you don't need to spend tens of thousands (or even thousands!) of dollars on a wedding. Your wedding is about what *you* want and what would be nice *for you*. Only a boorish person would complain because *they* aren't having fun.

Jessica&Levin · November 2012

MelissaRae1525:

Please don't do the potluck wedding. That's incredibly tacky.

My SO and I aren't getting married for a few years because we can't afford the kind of wedding we want. If it's that important to you just get married at the court house and celebrate later when you can. My cousin did this and it turned out really nice.

Okay no potluck I thought the same just wanted to see everyone else's feelings.. We both don't want to do the courthouse though, also dont know what to say when the firends/family continue to say "when are you getting married" and a year later are we going to want to pay for a reception when we already have been married for a year... hmmmmm idk this is frustrating!

Thanks for your advice

Jessica&Levin · November 2012

StarshineR:

There's nothing wrong with small if that's what you want. Oh, and traditionally, it was the parents of the bride and groom that paid for the wedding. lol. But don't tell your parents that. You could probably meander on over to "the Knot" and see what anyone over there says about your situation. The Knot is a great wedding resource, and they have some good budgeting ideas.

Also, you don't need to spend tens of thousands (or even thousands!) of dollars on a wedding. Your wedding is about what *you* want and what would be nice *for you*. Only a boorish person would complain because *they* aren't having fun.

LOL love this advice thanks!

StarshineR · November 2012

About the "have the reception later" idea. Notwithstanding what one of the pp said, *everyone* I know who have married at the courthouse to "get married again later" or "have a reception later" didn't. If you do this, you have to ask yourself seriously and realistically whether you'll follow through.

If you're pregnant and preparing for baby stuff, it could be a bit overwhelming and expensive planning a big reception party as well, esp. when baby showers, doctor's appointments, nursery shopping (with *those* expenses) come into play, not to mention regular work/school stress. Think about it realistically and sensibly. Only you know what you can do and work with.

Jessica&Levin · November 2012

StarshineR:

About the "have the reception later" idea. Notwithstanding what one of the pp said, *everyone* I know who have married at the courthouse to "get married again later" or "have a reception later" didn't. If you do this, you have to ask yourself seriously and realistically whether you'll follow through.

If you're pregnant and preparing for baby stuff, it could be a bit overwhelming and expensive planning a big reception party as well, esp. when baby showers, doctor's appointments, nursery shopping (with *those* expenses) come into play, not to mention regular work/school stress. Think about it realistically and sensibly. Only you know what you can do and work with.

Your soo right....

MelissaRae1525 · November 2012

Jessica&Levin:
MelissaRae1525:

Please don't do the potluck wedding. That's incredibly tacky.

My SO and I aren't getting married for a few years because we can't afford the kind of wedding we want. If it's that important to you just get married at the court house and celebrate later when you can. My cousin did this and it turned out really nice.

Okay no potluck I thought the same just wanted to see everyone else's feelings.. We both don't want to do the courthouse though, also dont know what to say when the firends/family continue to say "when are you getting married" and a year later are we going to want to pay for a reception when we already have been married for a year... hmmmmm idk this is frustrating!

Thanks for your advice

It is very annoying to get asked that all the time. SO and I weren't together long before I got pregnant so everyone asks when/if we're going to get married. Recently I just started saying we will get married before the child is old enough to know that mommy and daddy aren't married. I have a thick skin though so it might bother you more. If it really is important to you to be married I would do a super DIY, crafty, budget wedding (there are lots of ideas online) and I'm sure you'd still have a great time.

Jessica&Levin · November 2012

MelissaRae1525:
Jessica&Levin:
MelissaRae1525:

Please don't do the potluck wedding. That's incredibly tacky.

My SO and I aren't getting married for a few years because we can't afford the kind of wedding we want. If it's that important to you just get married at the court house and celebrate later when you can. My cousin did this and it turned out really nice.

Okay no potluck I thought the same just wanted to see everyone else's feelings.. We both don't want to do the courthouse though, also dont know what to say when the firends/family continue to say "when are you getting married" and a year later are we going to want to pay for a reception when we already have been married for a year... hmmmmm idk this is frustrating!

Thanks for your advice

It is very annoying to get asked that all the time. SO and I weren't together long before I got pregnant so everyone asks when/if we're going to get married. Recently I just started saying we will get married before the child is old enough to know that mommy and daddy aren't married. I have a thick skin though so it might bother you more. If it really is important to you to be married I would do a super DIY, crafty, budget wedding (there are lots of ideas online) and I'm sure you'd still have a great time.

I'm beginning to grow that thick skin Thank you

michelleonthecoast · November 2012

Definitely don't have potluck & byob! If you or fiance are good in the kitchen you could probably make some of your own food and/or get help from a few close friends and/or parents. I think an inexpensive ceremony is very doable. DH and I got married at the courthouse and I wish we had been able to do a small ceremony.

oh_maria · November 2012

Get married. Those who care about you will celebrate regardless on your marriage, not your location, favors, or DJ. Remember, $40,000 may buy a nice cake and favors, but it won't buy a good marriage.

PrimRoseMama · November 2012

I would have a simple, small JP wedding with cake & punch at my house afterward. It can be just as meaningful that way. You need money for other things right now.

reason00 · November 2012

Go have your wedding! Enjoy and be merry.

Jessica&Levin · November 2012

Let me clarify:

The potluck byob comment sounds VERY redneck haha

What I meant was close family make large amount of one item to help with food..

and supply wine but thats it.. maybe on reception say dinner and wine provided so they dont expect 5 kegs etc..

Idk....I just want to be married and have a healthy little baby but dont want to regret our wedding...

Jessica&Levin · November 2012

mystererae:
Jessica&Levin:

Let me clarify:

The potluck byob comment sounds VERY redneck haha

What I meant was close family make large amount of one item to help with food..

and supply wine but thats it.. maybe on reception say dinner and wine provided so they dont expect 5 kegs etc..

Idk....I just want to be married and have a healthy little baby but dont want to regret our wedding...

Believe me - when you're married, the wedding will be the furthest thing from your mind. That's why those who do courthouse ceremonies rarely follow up with a lavish party. Especially if you have a baby and money's tight, there are so many other things that matter more.

I know for me personally, I'd much rather attend a vow renewal ceremony of a couple who's stuck it out!

Youve got a good point, a vow renewal ceremony is a good idea! I'll mention that.. instead of get married and keep on down low then have big wedding

JaimeCH · November 2012

We waited to get married until after DD was born (almost 2 years after she was born). I'm so glad we waited because for us we wanted to focus on the baby, and have the marriage be on our timing. Anyhow, we had an elopish ceremony and a very nice dinner at a resort with 18 of our friends. It was PERFECT. I think I would have regretted getting married earlier or having a big wedding.

If those options are ones you can live with and afford, I don't see why not just do it. If you think that you will feel that you missed out on something by rushing it, hold off.

PrimRoseMama · November 2012

Jessica&Levin:
mystererae:
Jessica&Levin:

Let me clarify:

The potluck byob comment sounds VERY redneck haha

What I meant was close family make large amount of one item to help with food..

and supply wine but thats it.. maybe on reception say dinner and wine provided so they dont expect 5 kegs etc..

Idk....I just want to be married and have a healthy little baby but dont want to regret our wedding...

Believe me - when you're married, the wedding will be the furthest thing from your mind. That's why those who do courthouse ceremonies rarely follow up with a lavish party. Especially if you have a baby and money's tight, there are so many other things that matter more.

I know for me personally, I'd much rather attend a vow renewal ceremony of a couple who's stuck it out!

Youve got a good point, a vow renewal ceremony is a good idea! I'll mention that.. instead of get married and keep on down low then have big wedding

Yeah, you get married first. Simple JP wedding can be very nice and you won't regret it. You can have cake and punch at a park afterward. I promise. Then the vow renewal (renew, meaning you renew not do it the first time lol) like 5 or 10 years later.

You've got bigger fish to fry than worrying about a DJ at your wedding or BYOB booze. If you want to have booze or music at a backyard party then get coolers full of beer, a couple bottles of champagne and celebrate. If you want to provide food you can do BBQ or pasta for cheap and cheerful. Get an Ipod out and jam out. All of this can be done for less than 500 dollars total.

mslmk11 · November 2012

I shared the sentiments with someone else who suggested just doing a small ceremony on the beach with close family and friends, and then maybe going to a nice restaurant afterwards. I'm not sure where you live, but if you live anywhere near Myrtle Beach, SC I can give you a great restaurant idea that my husband visited on our honeymoon.

But as everyone has said, it doesn't have to be big, doesn't have to be fancy. It should be what YOU want. If you like the rustic barn and you're willing (or can convince either parents to help with the cost) then by all means do it. If you want to be married before the baby arrives, then you should. Once baby is here, and money starts going towards baby, it may be difficult to find money (and time) to dedicate to a ceremony/honeymoon ish time.

bkurtz0404 · November 2012

My honest advice...wait until after baby is born. I was in a similar situation as you with my first LO. My husband and I had been engaged for about a year and a half when I got pregnant. We decided to push the wedding back to about 3 months after my due date and it worked out great!

The wedding is about you and your fiance and it is most important that the two of you have an amazing time. Being pregnant at your own wedding means...you cant drink (not sure if you do or not but I think its a valid point), you may be sick the day of(and I mean REALLY sick), you most likely will not be able to dance the night away you could be ready for bed and hour after the ceremony, and who knows what else! Every pregnancy is different so you could feel totally fine, but you could also feel like crap.

I had a blast at my wedding and I know for a fact that if I would have been pregnant I would not have felt as good as I did on my wedding day.

I hope you come to a decision that works the best for you :-)

PSU Export · November 2012

snegde:
I think you said what was really important to you... that your family and friends have a good time. You can do a simple wedding and make that happen. I had friends get married at a park. Paid a minister 50 to marry them by the lake. The family made the food, the couple bought the alcohol, decorations, and a cake. My friends actually gave the main course as the wedding present and bbq'd for them. Technology can save on a DJ. A friend can take pictures. Cheap invitations. Skip the favors, and limit the flowers. Keep the menu simple and hire a nontypical wedding caterer to make the food. I actually think good alcohol is important at least in my family depending where you live you can get good rebates or case discounts. When it comes to the guest list you should only invite people who if you went out for dinner you would gladly pay for their meal.nbsp;Don't rush it to make your family happy, do it because it's what you want to do. Good luck. The wedding is fun but marriage really is the best part. nbsp;nbsp;

I agree with this. I you want to get married now keep it in and simple. Could you ask his parents and your parents to each cover one thing, such as photographer or drinks? Also agree with previous poster who said younger not have the money after baby is born. Then you have diapers, childcare, etc.

Good luck making your decision. I'm sure whatever you decide will turn out great.

brittnicole2011 · November 2012

if it were me i was raised the same way. marriage then baby, that being said i personally would get married first, and i would keep it simple but not so simple that its not what you enjoy....

everchangingcycles · November 2012

Jessica&Levin:
...

Hey due date buddy!

I was going through the same thought process before, but now SO and I decided we are getting married in summer 2014.

Reasons why are cost, we want to save up money for a nice wedding, spending this time to focus on our growing family, we think it'd be nice to have our baby there for the ceremony, even if he or she won't know what's going on, and also I really don't want to be pregnant and get married at the same time! My parents were 3 months pregnant when they got married and they've dealt with so much ridicule and "harmless" joking for it-I don't want that at all.

Whatever you decide, make sure it's what you both want, and remember it's about you and no one else. Also, trying weighing out all the reasons why to get married sooner vs. later, and what kind of wedding you really want.

Best wishes

TCsbride · November 2012

I suggest checking out a blog called younghouselove. It's actually a decorating blog but if you go wayyyyy back their blog started with their wedding in their backyard honestly, it was one of the most beautiful (and level headed) weddings I've seen.

DH and I were going to do the typical big wedding and a the last minute (well, 8 months out) changed our mind to our dream beach wedding which was so much more us. I still got the gorgeous dress and 50 of our closets friends and family came. The food was fabulous and the sand under our toes as we danced and partied the night away will never be forgotten. It wasn't big or fancy but in our opinion, the best wedding we've been to.

I'm a vote though for getting married before the baby comes. My best friend got married at the court and then said they'd do a big reception later. They never did because her whole life changed and it seemed so insignificant to spend money on when they needed to be saving for college now instead. She's happy but I know she'll always regret it.

devwhelm · November 2012

DF and I have been together seven years. We have been engaged for six. The reason we haven't gotten married? We'd rather spend our money on other things. Our house, our pets, fertility treatments, etc. Now that we're pregnant and my insurance is up at the end of the year, we're planning on going to the courthouse and getting married - Paying for child birth with no insurance would really tap out our savings. For the next year we'll save a little money and have a ceremony somewhere outdoors with our closest relatives followed by a pig roast.

Neither of us like having a big fuss made over us, so this seems like a good way to celebrate. I've always been against a shotgun wedding, but I'm already over it.
Good luck on your wedding!

Jessica&Levin · November 2012

somerandomchick:
If you want to consider getting married without the traditional thousand dollar dress and 8 bridesmaids and such, SERIOUSLY check out Offbeat Bride. There's a blog a very active community. A community that allows no drama, unlike The Bump The Knot! This company also has a blog named Offbeat Mama but there's no community for that because the head has never seen a pregnancy/parenting forum that is not a giant bitchfest and doesn't think it's possible to have.

That community has TONS of help on going cheap, what you can do yourself, what you can skip if you feel like it. And tons of people on there have nontraditional situations, there are pregnant brides or the couple has been together 10 years and already has kids together out of wedlock, etc. So if you want to plan a smaller simpler wedding, don't wade into the snake pit of The Knot, go to offbeat bride instead.

Anyways: if your dad is a jerk about you not being married yet, tell him to stuff it! You're obviously in a committed relationship where your baby daddy isn't going to run out on you, which is probably any parents worst fear about an unmarried daughter by KU'd. And, it is what it is so if he lectures you and freaks out its not going to make you unpregnant, so he might as well STFU.

Amen sista!!!!! I needed to hear that! I just went ahhhhhhhhhh "took a huge breath and released" haha.. To that website im going!

Elinetrouwt · November 2012

I'm in Europe, and traditions are slightly different here. Because of that and the circumstances, I had 'two weddings'.

On Friday, we were married on the beach with a civil ceremony, with our parents and sisters, our two best friends (who were Best Man and Maid of Honor) and their significant others. Afterwards, we had dinner. We had the best time.

The day after, we had a spiritual ceremony (it is obligatory to seperate that from the civil ceremony where I live, hence the double thing), with a huge reception afterwards. It was a blast.

Looking back, I loved both days. But if I were to do it again, I would just opt for the beach thing and skip the big deal the day after.

ScarletOflaherty · November 2012

PrimRoseMama:
I would have a simple, small JP wedding with cake & punch at my house afterward. It can be just as meaningful that way. You need money for other things right now.

This. With a baby on the way you have bigger financial concerns than a wedding.

mbody · November 2012

I'm not sure if you should or shouldn't get married before the wedding, that's for the two of you to decide.

But, if you do get married, just host what you can afford. No potlucks or BYOB, that's incredibly tacky and rude to guests. If you can't afford alcohol, don't host any. There is nothing wrong with that.

You can always just do a punch and dessert reception, just make sure it's not during a 'meal time.'

Or scale back on guests to fit your budget if you want more bells and whistles.

mbody · November 2012

purplepeanut6:
Jessica&Levin:
Sorry do you mean Fiance? ha, havent learned all the abbreviations yet

Fiance and I BOTH want to be married, but BOTH want our friends and families to enjoy themselves as well...
for future here are all the abbreviations:
https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/blogs/nest_baby_editors/pages/the-bump-community-glossary.aspx
IMO, If you want to get married before than do it! You dont need 100 people. Bring close friends and family you can get married on the beach and then go to a restaurant or an inexpensive caterer. you dont need 1000 people there. or invite them only to ceremony and do dinner just close fam/friends.

This is rude. You shouldn't have two separate guests lists. It's one event. The reception/dinner is a thank-you to guests for attending the ceremony. OP, please don't do this.

prettypinkypeonies · November 2012

OMG with the "reception is a thank you for attending the ceremony."That is pretty much the #1 overused phrase on the knot.

OP- when i found out i was pregnant with our first, we were in the same situation. It was a suprise. But we weren't even really officially engaged. I came from a catholic family - you know, everyone gets married, then has babies and pretends that we're all virgins are our wedding day Even though it bugged my family, at one point i just said eff it. and we just did what was right for us. so we waited. .

anyway, We finally got "officially" hitched in september. We did the rustic theme you're talking about. Our son is almost 4. I am so glad that we waited and did it the way we wanted to. And N, our son, was the star of the show

Jessica&Levin · November 2012

everchangingcycles:
Jessica&Levin:

...

Hey due date buddy!

I was going through the same thought process before, but now SO and I decided we are getting married in summer 2014.

Reasons why are cost, we want to save up money for a nice wedding, spending this time to focus on our growing family, we think it'd be nice to have our baby there for the ceremony, even if he or she won't know what's going on, and also I really don't want to be pregnant and get married at the same time! My parents were 3 months pregnant when they got married and they've dealt with so much ridicule and "harmless" joking for it-I don't want that at all.

Whatever you decide, make sure it's what you both want, and remember it's about you and no one else. Also, trying weighing out all the reasons why to get married sooner vs. later, and what kind of wedding you really want.

Best wishes

Thank you sweetie I think we have decided to wait as well ... It's already too frustrating

Jessica&Levin · November 2012

TCsbride:

I suggest checking out a blog called younghouselove. It's actually a decorating blog but if you go wayyyyy back their blog started with their wedding in their backyard honestly, it was one of the most beautiful (and level headed) weddings I've seen.

DH and I were going to do the typical big wedding and a the last minute (well, 8 months out) changed our mind to our dream beach wedding which was so much more us. I still got the gorgeous dress and 50 of our closets friends and family came. The food was fabulous and the sand under our toes as we danced and partied the night away will never be forgotten. It wasn't big or fancy but in our opinion, the best wedding we've been to.

I'm a vote though for getting married before the baby comes. My best friend got married at the court and then said they'd do a big reception later. They never did because her whole life changed and it seemed so insignificant to spend money on when they needed to be saving for college now instead. She's happy but I know she'll always regret it.

Thank you I will definitely check that blog out!! Also, would you mind if I asked possibly how much you ended up spending on the beach wedding? This was our original idea but got into the problem of feeling obligated to pay for trip or housing for guests... thanks also where did you get married???

Jessica&Levin · November 2012

Elinetrouwt:

I'm in Europe, and traditions are slightly different here. Because of that and the circumstances, I had 'two weddings'.

On Friday, we were married on the beach with a civil ceremony, with our parents and sisters, our two best friends (who were Best Man and Maid of Honor) and their significant others. Afterwards, we had dinner. We had the best time.

The day after, we had a spiritual ceremony (it is obligatory to seperate that from the civil ceremony where I live, hence the double thing), with a huge reception afterwards. It was a blast.

Looking back, I loved both days. But if I were to do it again, I would just opt for the beach thing and skip the big deal the day after.

Nice to hear one coming from both scenerios!!! Thanks!

Jessica&Levin · November 2012

prettypinkypeonies:

OMG with the "reception is a thank you for attending the ceremony."That is pretty much the #1 overused phrase on the knot.

OP- when i found out i was pregnant with our first, we were in the same situation. It was a suprise. But we weren't even really officially engaged. I came from a catholic family - you know, everyone gets married, then has babies and pretends that we're all virgins are our wedding day Even though it bugged my family, at one point i just said eff it. and we just did what was right for us. so we waited. .

anyway, We finally got "officially" hitched in september. We did the rustic theme you're talking about. Our son is almost 4. I am so glad that we waited and did it the way we wanted to. And N, our son, was the star of the show

This places me so much more at ease Thank you so much for this!

briannabeebug · December 2012

I did a potluck and it wasn't tacky at all. We had *excellent* food and didn't go into debt trying to feed everyone either. Everyone raved about the food and were super impressed with how the potluck operated. We asked our guests to bring a dish to pass instead of bringing present. My mother my girlfriends and I baked 15 pies for dessert and a dear friend surprised us with a fantastic gluten free three tiered wedding cake. I do suggest having a friend being the MC though to tell tables when they may go get some food and having a dish crew--we did both and the whole thing went smoothly.

I planned my wedding in three months--It was challenging because I'm stubborn and sucked at asking for help. But I did it. I too had a rustic theme--we rented an awesome hall that came with a kitchen and tables and chairs and place settings. I picked and dried wild grasses as part of my center pieces and my now husband drank all this beer that had awesome bottles (now we're recycling the bottles and bottling our own apple cider with them hehe). I gathered sticks and pebbles and bought tealights and borrowed mason jars. I scavenged for driftwood and painted signs, I wild crafted curly hazlenut branches and stuck them in my centerpieces and around as well. My dress I bought online for $250--a sample (originally $950)--I altered it and added straps (my boobs are scandalous) My husband is not a tuxedo wearing guy and so we opted to find him dress clothes that fit his style. My husband is a graphic designer and did a trade with our friend who is a rad photographer for our wedding photography.

I think our total wedding expenditures came in under $2000--and our wedding was BEAUTIFUL.

You can have your dream wedding on a budget. You don't need all the sh*it the Wedding Industrial Complex says you must have.

Plus pregnant brides are way cute. We were trying (not very hard) and I secretly hoped to be pregnant on our wedding day--but it seemed it happened right after.

Good luck!

SkyBee · December 2012

PrimRoseMama:
I would have a simple, small JP wedding with cake & punch at my house afterward. It can be just as meaningful that way. You need money for other things right now.

This.

Want a personalized experience?

Pregnant Bride?

Re: Pregnant Bride?

LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:

LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:

Choose Another Board

Search Boards