Attachment Parenting

AP questions newbie...how long do you NOT hold your LO?

HI Ladies,

 First time mommy here and new to the ideas of attachment parenting :) We are bedsharing, cloth diapering, had a natural delivery and I am staying home with LO and we are EBF. I have been reading a few AP parenting books and am really realizing how right AP feels for our family :) Our little man is very healthy and thriving physically and developmentally!

 I do have a question about AP ideals and what your family does!

 How much time are you NOT holding LO? I am either holding or wearing (with the Ergo) my lil guy for sure the majority of the day. However, there are times where I will put him in his swing or vibrating chair to go to the bathroom and brush my teeth and when I get back in the room to pick him back up he is sleeping....should I take him OUT of the swing/chair even though he is happily sleeping away? He doesn't wake up usually if I do pick him up to hold him so I am not worried about that, I just feel bad for disturbing him when he is sleeping happily already.

 I guess I also sometimes feel guilty for not getting him out and holding him-like even though he looks happy and content sleeping all by himself I really should be holding him for all naps and basically all the time. I would say that it's only once a day for about 30 min that he ends up passing out in the swing or seat and not on me.

Ideas? Thoughts? Words of wisdom? Am I just being crazy for feeling guilty about not holding him for 30 min to an hour a day? ;) lol

 Thanks!

 

 

 

 

 

Re: AP questions newbie...how long do you NOT hold your LO?

  • Oh god, I would NEVER wake up my daughter if she were happily sleeping.  NEVER!  She was high needs and HAD to be held most of the time (and not worn!), and would often scream none the less.  She also had to be swaddled to sleep.  All that meant she had plenty of time where she wasn't held, but where I was nearby.

    Having time, and SPACE to yourself is very important.  I would in no way worry about not holding him all the time.

    Find a balance that WORKS for everyone in the family.  Obviously, waking him up just so you can hold him isn't good for him, but you want to hold him as well, so when you can, do. 

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  • Thanks for the input so far ladies! :)

    I should have clarified that my little one is only 8 weeks old and that I do assure you he is getting LOTS of tummy time and already is rolling from tummy to back very easily and has great head strength. We spend time during the day singing, playing on his playmat, walking around the house talking about what we see, petting our kittys and horses, going to library infant singing/story time and take walks in the stroller. I "wear" him quite a bit during the day when I am trying to get housework and what not done. He sleeps laying on me for most naps of the day but like I said also easily falls asleep in the swing or chair :)

    I know my post probley comes off as the slightly nutty FTM who cant seem to ever put her baby down LOL but I assure you that's not me :) I don't have a problem with letting him sleep in other places besides on me (and TRUST me I DO enjoy the 30-60 min of freedom lol). I just am trying to gain more insight on this whole AP thing :) AP wasn't something I started doing on purpose, just how I realized we believed in raising our kiddo; meeting his needs, always showing him love etc.

     So all that said I am glad that I can leave him be sleeping where ever he is content and enjoy some much needed ME time! Lol.

    Does anyone have any good AP book recommendations? I am currently reading Beyond the Sling and enjoying it and also just finished reading You Are Your Child's First Teacher

  • You sound very much like me when DS was brand new. I really hated to let him be in his swing or bouncy chair for naps...it felt like I was neglecting him or something. Whenever he'd sleep there, I would watch closely for any sign of waking and scoop him up.

    It took a while, but I did relax about it. You really will find that those few minutes to yourself are so nice. If he is happily sleeping, don't disturb him and don't feel guilty! It sounds like he gets lots of love and snuggles all day.
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  • DD would only sleep in the Moby or while being held or sleeping next to me in bed until she was 5 months old. So I always held or wore her while sleeping. When she was awake I didn't hold her as much. She would sit in the swing or on the floor or in the boppy and that is when we would play together.  

    So I probably actually held/wore her 8 hours a day, slept next to her about 10 hours a night and played with her, nursed her, changed her the rest of the time. It was exhausting. She started sitting on her own at 5 months and then she decided she did not want to be held so much.  

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  • In my opinion, AP is not about measuring how much or how little you do certain things, or even if you do certain things or not at all. Hold him, not hold him, for how long, that's not what matters; what matters is that you are meeting his needs, whatever that may be.
  • I felt the same as you- shouldn't I be holding him, interacting with him all of the time?

    Someone told me to let him be if he is sleeping or playing happily, because those are good skills to develop too. Now as a busy mom with a toddler, I am so happy that he learned to play on his own from a young age. I feel that it is much better for him to play in another room with his toys or read books than for him to be constantly underfoot while I'm trying to cook or clean. We still cuddle and he still asks to cuddle and read and play and all of that, but I am glad that he is able to be somewhat independent, while still being happy and secure.

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  • Like everyone else said, no; you should not feel guilty about not holding baby 24/7.  On the other hand, though, if you WANT to hold him, that is OK as well.  :)

    I had the same feeling with both kids and actually did pick them up more often than not, and not because I thought it would hurt them to be in the swing or whatever but just because I really wanted to hold them.  There is nothing wrong with listening to that instinct, as long as you're getting enough rest and support in general.

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  • I think it's as simple as if you have a happy baby then you are fine. You can choose whether or not to pick them up based on your own whims.
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  • imagetheresat858:

    AP does not necessarily mean holding your child every second of every day... to me it is more about meeting their needs. If your LO is content sleeping in a swing or bouncer and it is a safe place for him to sleep, there is nothing wrong with allowing your LO to continue sleeping there (and enjoy the freedom for a few minutes). 

    You should also make sure to give your LO some tummy time (at first it can be on you but the floor is really better as LO gets older) and time not being held to develop his muscles.

    All of this. You don't need to be holding your baby every second. Tummy time is incredibly important. Make sure your baby is getting that. If he doesn't like it get down on the floor/put him on a new born lounger etc.  While I didn't let DD scream and held her when she wanted to be held I also gave her freedom to explore and tummy time to develop her muscles. Those things are equally important.


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  • imageSteph&Harry08:
    In my opinion, AP is not about measuring how much or how little you do certain things, or even if you do certain things or not at all. Hold him, not hold him, for how long, that's not what matters; what matters is that you are meeting his needs, whatever that may be.

     

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