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Coping skills

FutureMrsWittigFutureMrsWittig member
in Blended Families

As we all know, blending can come with it's fair share of frustration for everyone (parents, kids, grandparents, siblings and everyone in between).

So how do you deal?  How do you teach your kids to deal?  What have you tried that just flat-out hasn't helped?

Here's to a peaceful Winter for all of us Drinks

Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
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Re: Coping skills

  • lvnlife3184lvnlife3184 member

    a bottle of wine used to do the trick for me!! have had to hold off with my pregnancy now so my frustration gets taken out by venting to friends and family. But NOT DH....thats the one thing that has never helped. The only time I vent to him is if he brings it up first and we can have our fair share of name calling or whatever. Otherwise venting to him is only bringing up stress he doesn't like dealing with.

    so far we haven't had too many problems concerning the children. BM did commit a domestic battery against DH in front of the children last winter though and we had to make changes with pick ups and drop off and talk to the kids about it. They asked that i talk to them also with DH so I did sit with them and tried helping them feel better about everything.

     

     

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  • xmaryrickxxmaryrickx member
    I repeat to myself that I cannot control anyone's actions but my own. I cannot control what BM does, what SS or SD do, or how my H interacts with anyone. With SS things are so much better. But for a loooong time I stopped being "present". I made dinner for the family but that was all I did for him. Him and I have come a long way though and I see our relationship getting healthier and stronger the older he gets. With SD I gave up. She is a grown adult who has chosen to be hurtful and make poor choices. And there are consequences for that. With BM I do not engage. H handles all situations with her and the last year has been pretty much silence where she is concerned which is nice.

    I removed myself from situations that stressed me out. Yes I married a man with children and with that comes certain stressors and responsibilities. But I wil not allow anyone to treat me disrespectfully and if they do I will remove myself from the situation.
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  • lb1212lb1212 member

    I second the bottle of wine!!

     We stick with the "Our House - Our Rules" mantra. We can't control what goes on in BM's home. For the most part, our home is stable - emotionally and financially. We try to teach our kids (his 8 yr old DD and my 11 yr old DS)  relaxation methods - deep breathing exercises, listening to calm music, taking bath and most importantly - talking about it!

    We try to keep a routine for the weekends, so the kids know what to expect - and let them know of changes as best we can.

    The best advice I can give is - MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELVES!! 

    Our schedules are so busy - DH works nights, DS plays on 2 basketball teams, and we have SD every weekend.....so we're lucky if we get alone time once a month! But I can tell you that I am a better mother & stepmother when I've really been able to connect with DH. It's up to us, to show our kids how to have a healthy relationship!

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  • Mama2TwoBoysMama2TwoBoys

    imagexmaryrickx:
    I repeat to myself that I cannot control anyone's actions but my own. I cannot control what BM does

    This.

    I can't control BM. She's a bag full of crazy (not just calling names, she diagnosed), but she will forever be SS's mother, and he needs a certain amount of her in his life.

    All I can do is make sure I give him what he needs - hugs, kisses, love, and stability. Oh and some good food too :)  Being revengeful, angry, or trying to out do the other side of the family won't get us anywhere. I'll just be the best mama I can be to him, and love him as my own.

    She may have her daddy's bank account to take SS to chuckie cheese all the time, and buy him 5 new movies each week, but that's not what raises a healthy child. 

    FI is amazing at keeping me out of the drama, most of it is through texts and emails. That helps a ton.

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  • PhantomgirlPhantomgirl member
    Lol I just advised cole to drink wine. We must all be feeling the stress lately!!!

    What has worked for us is making decisions together. We always check with each other first. I appreciate tht!

    What has not worked is not expressing my feelings to DH.

    I take time out for me and hang out with my bff's who are both SMs. We have what we call our xfile lunches. We generally end up dogging them and laughing.
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  • twister22twister22 member
    Luckily things have been quite drama-free for a long while, but I just remind myself that I cannot control BD, what goes on during his time, and how he parents and takes care of DS. 
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  • FutureMrsWittigFutureMrsWittig member

    Laughing over the truly ridiculous with my friends has been helpful.  My mom is also very understanding, she's a step-mom too, although she had very little drama with my dad's ex-wife.

    But I have to be careful not to stew too much and "over-discuss".  If I get stuck on something it really eats at me.

    Wine, meditation, and a long hot bath usually help me at the end of a particularly stressful day.

    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
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