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Babies: 6 - 9 Months
mommasqueak
member
MiL and BiL rant!!
mommasqueak
member
holy crap! i don't even know where to begin!!!
i am a SAHM and i know any other moms out there will tell you raising kids is a full time job. now lets lay some stuff down here. i live with my hubby and baby in a 3 bed room house with my 3 BiLs two of their GFs, one of their daughters, and both MiL and FiL. so that is 11 people all together. everyone is an adult, minus our 6-7 month old, and our niece, who is almost 4. everyone besides myself, and two of my BiLs has jobs, and is normally out of the house during the day. and will come home at various times of day. my hubby's older brother, is the one i have issues with.
he has never accepted me and find me to be the person who 'stole' his brother from him. he has in fact 'hated' me. and really, i couldn't give a crap about him and what he thinks. and my MiL can be the same way. she hated me at first, my husband is her baby. from her first husband. and she has always favored him. so i took her baby as well. but over the years we have made our relationship into a working one, where we don't say much but we do hang sometimes. we normally have a mutual understanding, normally. we can't talk much, her only being Spanish speaking. and me not know almost any Spanish.
well anyways.
MiL keeps complaining to my BiL that i don't do enough work around the house. they just bought and installed a new dish washer. and she thought it would magically fix the dish problem of 11 people over night. when my BiL does NO house work. and his GF only does their daughter's dishes.
it was basically, because i am at home all day with the baby, there is no reason why i can't have every sparkly clean every day when they come home from work. i EBF and i cloth diaper. my LO goes through all her diapers in about a 30 hours period, so i normally have to do at least one load of laundry a day to keep up. plus she is in the 'mommy' stage where she wants to hang off of my every second of the day. apparently it is my job to do the dishes of 11 people, and to keep the stove/oven and kitchen table all clean. on top of taking care of a 6-7 month old...
she had found one of our dirty dishes, it was a paper plate with a little salad left. apparently it grossed her out so much, that she had to cry and complain about me not doing dishes, when you could simply throw it away. or come ask me to throw it away, i have no issues with that.
keep in mind i already fill up the dish washer at least twice a week, AND do two more loads on top of that, and my hubby did a small load. and in fact she got mad at us for doing the extra loads, saying 'why are you doing them, and not putting them in the dish washer??' because you can wash MORE when the dish washer is already GOING!!!
on top of that LO was having some hard nights, that we have since solved with her mattress. so on top of it all i was super tired. its just like WTH!! did you somehow magically forget that i did DO all of that work? work i almost NEVER get thanked for.
i don't care about gratitude. but i don't want to get yelled at for no stoopid reason!!!
for reference, we are kinda stuck here until my hubby gets a better job.. this job he has only gives him 4-10 hours a week, so we are waiting until we can move out again!
it's just like.. DOOD!!! i am a FTM and a SAHM i think i have a full time job as it is without you whining like 2 year olds!!!
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Re: MiL and BiL rant!!
too long; didn't read it all. I can't get past the fact that you live with 11 people.
Get your own place. Then you'll be an adult and can make adult decisions about YOUR family.
LOL, that was part of the post! we can't get our own place yet, due to my hubby not having a good enough job, he only gets 4-10 hours a week, but we get WIC, CalFresh, and he gets unemployment. so, we are ok for that type of stuff, but nothing we can really use to move out, yet. we probably will in the next few months after tax season! it is a freaking mad house with 11 people here.... going to start tearing hair out!
If he's only working 1/2 - 1 day a week, then you should be working too. He can watch baby while you work. Seriously? It isn't him having a good enough job that's the problem - neither of you work. 4-10 hours/week to support 3 people?
said it before, we get WIC CalFresh, and he has his unemployment. we agreed that he would be the worker, after 2 years of unsuccessfully looking for work, for me. i have medical issues on my record that tend to make employers shy away from me. the only thing we don't have is our own place. we live here for minimal rent, and normally i don't complain about anything since his parents are being very generous letting us live here, but this rant is about an on going problem for the past year.
as far as the chores go, there is a very unfair share being loaded onto my shoulders, when it could be easily evened out. as far as me working goes, i posted it below, no employer would hire me, i tried for 2 full years before me and my hubby agreed to have a baby, i have past medical condition that most people just can't seem to get past, even tho i am more than capable to work. he IS going for temp jobs starting this week. he has been actively searching since losing his job in sept.
try living with his brother for a weekend.... honestly people don't believe me until they have to deal with him (my other BiL's GF didn't believe us, until she moved in, now she wishes he was dead, and that she never moved in)
this is simply one of many many things that has happened between us, and it isn't the work that is the problem, i have no problem with someone coming up and asking me to help. this is not what is happening, they are crying and complaining to high heaven, behind my back, and expect me to know to do something about it.
i have tried with his family for over 7 years. this isn't a single incident, and we ARE working with the government, our state, to find more/better employment. even if it means i have to work. which i would love.
Sorry I think people didn't realize that your venting. Sorry your going thru this. Maybe section 8 might be a viable option. Also I understand health issues. Just take a deep breath and keep plugging away at it. You can't change theses people. So just survive until you can leave.
Theres 3 of us, 3 dogs, 2 cats and a gecko and I still can't keep up.
We have 2 cats too in our room that I have to clean up every day, gotta keep that room clean. Love them lil guys!!
My husband had a very nice job up until this past sept. I stated this in a previous post. He was making more than enough to support us and then some. We were saving up for a house, that's why we moved in here, so lux could have a home of her own. Then his job canned his ass for a stupid mistake. No second chances. I didn't think I would have to spell out my entire life story over a vent about dishes. My baby has a roof over her head, always had. Has food in her belly, always had. And two loving parents that thought they had every thing planned. Sometimes that plan goes wrong, you can't prepared for everything. But we tried. Sorry that isn't good enough for you. Thankfully after 3 years of working at my job before I got fired due to my medical condition, and 7 years for my hubby we paid enough into the system to get help back. We aren't some drug addicts looking for a meal ticket and we are actively looking for work.
This has to be MUD.
Lux needed a home of her own. With Mom. And Dad. And MIL. And FIL. And BIL. And BIL. And BIL's GF. And Cousin. And 2 cats.
Mom can't get a job, tried for 2 years, then got pg. Dad got fired. But they were saving for a house. But 2 months of unemployment was enough for them to have to move out of where they were and into that 3-bedroom mess with 11 people, even though they were getting all this state aid.
This has to be made up. Well done.
You aren't reading them right. If I am lying then you are trolling. We've been living here for over a year trying to save up for a house. My husband got canned in sept so it's been more like a little over three months. And if either of us got a good enough job we are moving, end of story. I don't know why you feel like I have to justify myself or my life to a random stranger. So I'm not going to any more.
Both of us have tried the two targets around here and the Walmart. And all the fast food. At first we only lived here to save money, now we have to. The only other option would be my parents over two hours away. Where it would be a total of 6 people 5 cats and 3 dogs. Out in the desert with even fewer job opportunities. My brother is trying right now out there. We aren't fully broke, but with out aid we will be in about another month. Most of our savings was eaten up by us living the first 2 months without any aid and with medical bills surrounding LO's birth and her 4 month vaccines.
When we were both working, during the years we were respectively, we DID work our butts off. Both if us carrying at least 45 hours. Going on aid was like our last option. And again, we are looking for work as much as we can. This post really had nothing to do with any of this!! Just a simple vent about unfair workload around the house while others laze about.
I have to tell them, it was part if why I was fired from my last job. I know they can't discriminate doesn't mean they don't. I had someone at a retail place look my application up an down and when they thought I wasn't looking, the threw it away. It hurt pretty bad cause I thought I had a chance. Yes the situation has changed, and we are trying to deal with it. But again this had nothing to do with my post. A simple vent about dishes. I didn't think I would then have to defend myself about every little detail of everything that's had happened in our lives in the last 3 months!
All she want right now is for mommy is continuously hold her. Including nap time and bed time. We just got her back in her own crib about two nights ago and honestly she will only play in her jumper long enough for me to make some food or do some laundry before crying. And I am not about to let her CiO. I have no problem juggling our own chores but I just can't do the chores of 11 people every day without any help. I love working and I love cleaning, I just happen to love my daughter more.
Yep, you said it, I love my work more than I love my daughters
This one is a peach.
You are entitled to live how you want. Seeing that you EBF, Cloth Diaper, and take care of more than one human being. I see that you have a full plate and you are making smart economic decisions within your home. I'm sure these people would be bashing you if you worked and had to put your baby on formula as well... Because this is The Bump. God Forbid people actually be supportive and send an encouraging word. Sure you could go work midnights at Mc D's making 8 bucks an hour. In the end, is that worth it? I give you kudos for living with the IL's till you can get onto your feet. I'm sure that you are a wonderful mama. Family is tough... Just keep a level head when dealing with everyone. HUGS!
goo luck to you and just try to maintain. its always darkest before the dawn.
thank you so much. i am pretty much done here. i hadn't had ANY type of this feedback before for a rant/vent. and it just was not expect! but thank you for your kind words, and next time i will think twice before i open my mouth, and go to the other forums where people are much nicer and i actually know them.
thank you! i didn't expect a bunch of buttpats, i really just needed to steam and maybe get an empathic ear or two, i had no ideal that i would have been torn apart! thanks again!
A few of you ladies should be embarrassed of yourselves. Especially jeffsjayme and MrsMuq. Do you forget that mommasqueak is a real person??? Her situation may not be something you agree with, but the hatred of your words is just awful. You write as if the original poster has no feelings. As I was reading this thread, I was trying to think of ANYONE I would speak to this way. My friends? Of course not. Strangers in a Mom's group? Never...where would my manners be? I personally don't think this is MUD, but so what if it was? What happened to 'if you don't have something nice to say; don't say anything at all?" And as far as made up drama goes, trust me, there are enough women on here like you 2 that no one needs to make any, you guys create it.
I'm sure by now, you are cussing me up a storm, but remember that it is a proven fact, that babies can sense anger and anxiety in their mothers. I hope you aren't feeding or touching your baby as you begin to frantically type a defensive response. Please don't pass your intolerance on to a younger generation; I hope my children never learn to treat people in the way you have chosen to.
Good luck mommasqueak. I hope you can get out of your current situation sooner rather than later.
not going to feed the trolls any more, but i am not going to delete the post to make it look like i am running away. we got pregnant WAY before my hubby lost his job. his job paid enough money that we were even supporting his other brother and his GF when we were living on our own, in an apartment last year, before moving in here. they needed help and we were there for them. a roof over their heads, and food in their bellies, we didn't even think twice. this wasn't just about one thing they asked me to do, it was just one more thing that they complain about, it is a situation that you can't even begin to understand unless you are living it. so i can't take anyone's words on the subject that way to heart, especially if those words are flammatory, and have no way of helping. are you giving me jobs leads, no. you are telling me to do things that both of us have already thought of, and have done. in fact we have applied to ALL of these places once a month, and we even call them up once a week to bug them. none of this is anybody's business but feeling attacked the way i did, i felt like i had to defend myself when now i realize, i should just ignore them. maybe i picked a poor choice of words to try and describe my situation, but i thought being the adults i thought the women on here were, i didn't think i really had to spell out every single detail. and every single incident between myself and my MiL and BiL. there are 7 years worth.
i have the support of my family, personal friends and above all my loving husband. we know what we are doing, and we know we are trying our best. it isn't our faults some places aren't hiring, or that they already hired all they needed for the holiday season. that is why we are going temp now. we paid into government aid for years. why not use it when we really need it? i literally broke my back at my job, and spent months in physical therapy for it. working my butt of so that if something did happen to me, or my husband, we would have that aid to help us. i will not be embarrassed, or ashamed to admit when i need help. and i won't let anyone else make me feel ashamed.
hurtful words have NEVER helped anyone, and i will not get downed by them.
one of the major things about what was happening was that no one was talking to me. everything was nasty or snippy remarks said behind my back and then relayed down the line to me. i had NO issue doing more work. in fact i love cleaning, and stated it before. i don't like people talking nasty behind my back when i had no clue to what was happening. and this is the type of thing that always happens with them. looking back i could have worded it better, baby came first before my post, and i had to stop several times before i posted it, so i am sure it looked 'broken' up and missed a lot of information. but instead of asking for it, you decided to jump down my throat.
my life is crazy. always has been and always will. a saying my husband has always said is that 'it is so crazy, no one ever believes me.' when ever something would happen and he would talk about it at work. i don't expect everyone to just blindly believe me, and then hand out the butt pats. i was just looking for an sympathetic, or empathic ear or two that would say 'it will get better, just hold on.' well my husband just told me that all by himself! lookie there! and that is all i need.
to the women who defended me, even with your own opinions, i thank you.
to the others who flamed, you can suck an egg.
see ya in the funny pages.
*not going to respond to anything else, if a moderator wants to lock this post*
Good luck to you op! I hope you can find some balance for the duration of your stay with your inlaws!
I really think you need to get your own place or just learn to deal with the situation as it is. If your DH only works 4-10 hours a week then you can find a job when your DH is off and he can stay and watch the baby. It sounds like your family can really use the help financially.
yall should be ashamed of yourselves.
this poster said she needed to rant, which means she needed to get stuff off her chest, not have your opinions slammed down her throat. It's the internet, if you don't like something move on, if you don't agree with something, deal with it. she never typed 'what do yall think.' She said it thanks for letting me vent.
I had a really good job as a teacher, DH and I got pregnant about 4 years too early, but we value life, so we decided to keep our child even though she didn't fit into our plan or our debt-reduction budget. I loved teaching. I love my child. I found out 4 weeks before I was going on maternity leave that my school was closing, I wouldn't have a job. I draw unemployment, that doesn't mean I'm lazy, it means I can pay my rent, I can pay my internet bill so I can keep looking for work. You can't know everything about a person from a post, reserve judgement, have compassion.
Cautiously expecting our second little petri dish baby - stick, Baby, stick!