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Frustrated (kinda long rant)

pennyblossom42pennyblossom42 member
in Natural Birth

I am 32 weeks right now. At 28 weeks I switched from an OB to midwives. I had just done research on midwives and non-hosptial birth and decided that I was more comfortable with it. My research all started when I watched the Business of Being Born. So I made my husband watch it. He agreed to do a home birth, and thats when we switched. My parents are not "for" a non-hospital birth (my older brother got stuck on the way out when my mom delivered with a midwife in a hospital and the OB in the hallway performed an episiotomy and he came right out. It was very traumatic for my dad) but they are going to be supportive. I have made it clear that I don't want any negativity around me, it's not necessary. I want my mom at the birth, I believe my husband will need the support and she will take appropriate photos as well. I am very much looking forward to an all natural birth at home with the freedom to be in whatever position I want, potentially have a water birth and not having an OB telling me I've been in labor too long and need intervention. I'm not naive though, if my midwife tells me that I need to transfer to the hospital for intervention, then I will be okay with it. But if I started out in the hospital and the OB told me I needed intervention, I would wonder if it was truly necessary.

And now my husband is having second thoughts. He's comparing birth in a hospital to like having "insurance" (he has a thing for metaphors). With all I know now about midwifes, OB's, hospital and non-hospital births now, I feel more comfortable with a non-hospital birth. Plus, the hospital is barely 5 miles from our house and maybe a 10 minute ride. I trust my midwives. THEY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT. My husband is a software engineer, he likes new, modern things, he loves technology and all that stuff. He also deals with anxiety disorder and OCD, which makes him worry about the worst possible scenarios. I love him but he drives me nuts. He thinks he's going to change my mind, but I'm not. I would be too worried now to walk into the hospital to give birth there. (at our hospital you don't have a choice of who your OB is- you get whoever is on call- even from different practices). The hospital is probably one of the best options I could have, but it's the OB that worries me. Especially since I wouldn't even know which one I would get.

I know everyone is just worried about the things that could possibly go wrong, but it is so frustrating. Why can't people in this country be more supportive of home birth? I barely have my parents support. The only friend I know that is for it is an old high school friend I am Facebook friends with and she lives in another state.  I'm so glad for this board. It keeps me going. I just wish my husband would stop having these changes of mind. 

Sorry that was so long, I just had to get it out. Thanks! 

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Re: Frustrated (kinda long rant)

  • tokenhosertokenhoser member
    Can he attend your midwife appointments with you to get some reassurance?
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  • pennyblossom42pennyblossom42 member

    He has already been to 2 appointments- each one we met the 2 midwives. 

    He's still paranoid :-/ 

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  • AlliebooberzAlliebooberz member
    My husband was terrified of natural birth up until right after my son was born. Then he saw that every doctor did more harm to me than good.
    dx MF & FF IF
    Off B.C. Jan '06, started charting Feb '08, 2% morphology and PCOS, no O with meds,
    IVF w/ICSI only option to conceive.
    Licensed Foster Parents 07.11
    Miracle BFP 7.20.11 1st beta 6,274! EDD 3.17.12
    Miracle Baby born March 5, 2012 . 6lbs 1oz, 19 3/4"
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  • mel1987mel1987 member
    Have him watch the business of being born (it's on netflix)
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  • pennyblossom42pennyblossom42 member

    I already had him see it. That's how I got him to be okay with it to begin with.

     

    He has no problem with the midwives. He's just worried about the tiny chance that something terrible could happen. 

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  • briannabeebugbriannabeebug
    Tell him that you have confidence in your body's ability to birth.  Your body was built for this and that if something were to go wrong(horribly unlikely) your midwives would catch it immediately and do a transfer.  Tell him you giving birth IS NOT a medical emergency nor a disease.  Tell him you need his support in your decisions.  Make him watch home birth videos.  I have a feeling your husband and my husband are much a like in the nerdy new fangled gadget science-y department.  I made a point of telling my husband how important having a home birth was to me and he was quickly swayed.
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  • Reallynervous83Reallynervous83 member
    Maybe try to understand his point of view.  Your only 10 minutes away...but those 10 minutes can mean a huge difference in the quality of life for the baby.  I simply made the choice to find an OB who would follow my birth plan.  We went over everything and detail and what she would do in emergency situations.  Really the only difference I experienced in a hospital birth vs. home birth (per what I seen in BOBB) is that I knew I was covered should the baby I had cared for, sacrificed for, and loved for nine months got into trouble.  
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