ticker warning I need advice

ashilynn · December 2012

I have a good friend that just recently found out that she will not be able to have a baby without medical intervention. Things are becoming more and more strained between us the closer my due date gets. My question is how much do I share with her. I feel like if I ignore the fact that I am pregnant, that it would be obvious that i am avoiding it. On the other hand I do not want my for lack of a better term parading my pregnancy around to be hurtful. Tia for any wisdom you ladies can pass on.

LaineyPaney · December 2012

If she's your good friend, then talk to her directly about it, telling her that you feel that something has changed in the relationship. You want to share this happy time in your life with her, but you understand if she's feeling emotions that are complicated and unexpected for her. Then let it be. Let her think about it and decide what she can handle. Tell her that you don't want to exclude her, but also don't want to do or say anything that might hurt her. Just let her know that you are sincerely looking for balance in your friendship between what's going on with you and being sensitive to what's going on with her.....

LnR70707 · December 2012

With all due respect, what is there to share between now and the birth? Assuming there will a shower, it isn't your job to throw, plan or solicit help, so that is a non-issue. If she asks, share....otherwise go about normal life (assuming normal isn't a gazillion FB updates on pregnancy...no one wants to be subjected to that).

Scoop77 · December 2012

I think it's very sweet that you're concerned about her feelings and that you're willing to put the kibosh on the pregnancy talk. If I were you, I'd do just that. Only talk about being pregnant or the baby when she brings it up. If you're having a shower, tell her in person before sending her an invite and ask whether or not she feels up to attending. Tell her you're OK either way. Admit that you feel there's been some distance and ask if there's anything you can do to help her.

The truth of the matter is that you probably have tons of people in your life who could happily discuss every aspect of your pregnancy and coming baby. She likely doesn't have many who can be understanding of her situation. So you would be the awesome friend who cares enough to take that stress out of her life. And, plus, she can bring up the pregnancy if she's interested or curious and doesn't mind discussing it.

Even if your friend never tells you, I bet she will ultimately be very grateful to you. (And I think you're a good friend, too.)

kflynn81 · December 2012

Scoop77:
I think it's very sweet that you're concerned about her feelings and that you're willing to put the kibosh on the pregnancy talk. If I were you, I'd do just that. Only talk about being pregnant or the baby when she brings it up. If you're having a shower, tell her in person before sending her an invite and ask whether or not she feels up to attending. Tell her you're OK either way. Admit that you feel there's been some distance and ask if there's anything you can do to help her.

The truth of the matter is that you probably have tons of people in your life who could happily discuss every aspect of your pregnancy and coming baby. She likely doesn't have many who can be understanding of her situation. So you would be the awesome friend who cares enough to take that stress out of her life. And, plus, she can bring up the pregnancy if she's interested or curious and doesn't mind discussing it.

Even if your friend never tells you, I bet she will ultimately be very grateful to you. (And I think you're a good friend, too.)

This!!

I have a friend who had a baby over the summer. She texted me quite often but it was only to ask how I was doing with my medications/procedures and never brought up her pregnancy unless I asked her about it. On my good days, I'd contact her and ask her how she was feeling or for updates on the baby....it was very helpful and I appreciated it.

zazu13 · December 2012

My SIL is pregnant (found out right before my failed FET). She has done me the courtesy of never bringing up the pregnancy when I'm around. We had plenty to talk about before she was pregnant so I appreciate that we still have conversations but they aren't centered on something that makes things strained . Regardless it is awkward, and is a constant reminder to me that I am sad about my own situation. It's not her fault, but honestly, I'd rather spend time with other people right now. Hope things get better for you two... and congratulations!

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ticker warning I need advice

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NTNP 2009-2012 TTC since 2012:

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