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Baby Showers
I need some advice (long)
Sorry if this is a little long, but I'm looking for some input on what you ladies would do...here's the back story.
Our first LO is due in late February and my SIL is due in early May (also their first...talk about an excited grandma!). DH's immediate family all lives locally, my entire family is 7-8 hours away. My mom asked a while ago if I wanted a shower in my home town. I gratefully declined, I don't want to be traveling that distance when I'm that far along, we have a very small family with very few women, and most of my high school and college friends moved far far away. I'd rather just wait until our first visit home with DD and maybe have those few people over for lunch or something to meet the baby.
Last night, I overheard my MIL ask DH for a guest list of people I would want to invite to my shower, making me think she's planning some kind of a surprise shower because when I asked him he said I must have heard it wrong (with a giant smirk on his face...). I'm grateful she is willing to throw a shower, it's a very nice gesture, but I really don't have anyone to invite. I work with all men, I haven't really made any friends in this area since we only moved here 2 years ago, and there aren't many women in DH's family either. The guest list would literally be MIL, SIL, 2 aunts, and 2 family friends. My SIL has already given my MIL her list if invites for her shower - over 100 women (family, 2 jobs, large group from HS and college). I don't want to seem ungrateful, it's a very nice gesture for MIL to offer (even if I'm not supposed to know about it yet) but I'm worried she will see my pathetic guest list and beef it up with her friends, some from SIL's guest list and other people who I'm not close with and I think that would seem awkward and gift-grabby. When she mentioned a shower a few weeks ago, asking if anyone had offered to throw one, I said no, but that it was okay because I wouldn't have very many people to invite anyways and that I really don't mind. I think that caused her to start planning this out of pity because my SIL is hoping for such a large event. I genuinely don't mind not having a shower, I'm not at all offended by her having a shower, and I will happily attend and help with whatever I can (depending on when it is compared to when our own LO arrives).
What would you do? Let her plan the shower? Insist on the very small guest list? Let her add some guests who I hardly know? Gratefully decline? Mention the plan for my side of the family (I guess it's called a "sip n see"?) and suggest that as an option for the few women I mentioned earlier?
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated...but please keep in mind I'm fairly new to all of this (I've only been to 1 baby shower when I was 12) so please be gentle 
If I'm way out of line on something, it wasn't intentional.
Thanks!! And happy Friday
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I need some advice (long)
How sweet of your MIL to host a shower for you!
Could your DH suggest to her that she host a small brunch instead (and invite your Mom)? With a smaller guest list it would be lovely to have a nice get-together in a restaurant. They could still do presents and some baby decorations.
I would hint that while your excited for SIL's bash, for yourself you'd be much happier with something much more small and intimate. I'm sure there's a way you could bring it up tactfully. It would be less of a financial burden for your hostess and she might be relieved to learn that you are not expecting or wanting an extravaganza.
You could also ask DH to gently steer her in the right direction
At the end of the day, especially if it's a surprise, you really have no say. She is giving you the gift of a shower, and you must accept it graciously even if your staring out at a sea of people you don't adorned with a paper-plate bow hat.
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
Expecting Baby Bean February 2017
I think there are people that the MTB doesn't know at a lot of showers I've hosted and attended. They are usually people that MIL knows or sometimes the FTB knows...but the MTB does not. Your DH did have a life before you...so there are probably people in their family/friend circle that you have never met. That doesn't mean they are not going to be invited to the shower. Are surprise showers common in your area? We don't do them here (or where I used to live) but I understand they are common in the Eastern US. Personally, I don't like surprise showers...but that is my thing. I would just let your DH know that you want to know when it is so you don't schedule something that day and you look "good". After all of that...I would just let your MIL plan the shower and you sit back and enjoy it. If there are only a few people there...that is fine. The smallest shower I've hosted/attended had 8 people. One of my showers only had 9 guests and it was a lot of fun.
As for the shower on your side...I think the meet the baby party would be great. I'm sure everyone would love to meet your LO and this would be a great opportunity since you live 8 hours away. For myself...I would have travelled...but I know a lot of people don't like to go far in their 3rd Tri. It was just never an issue for me since my DH's family lives 5-7 hours from us.
PS: It is possible your MIL will invite your Mom and sister (if you have one). Your mom can decide whether to attend or not - might be a good time to see you though.
This. My MIL insisted on throwing me a shower because there are a lot of women that have known DH since birth, that I personally don't know that well, that want an opportunity to celebrate our baby. I find showers awkward no matter who is invited, so I will just smile and be grateful that sooo many people love this baby already!
Since it sounds like the shower would be a surprise to you let her plan how she wants to and don't feel that it is out of pity. I think SIL shower inviting 100 people sounds gift grabby but that is just me.
I felt simialar to you with my first, I really only wanted my closest friends and family there and it was a small shower hosted by my BFF. A few friends of my mom's also wanted to host a shower for me and the guests were mostly my mom's friends. I don't think it is that unual especially in smaller circles for the Grandmother to Be's friends to also be included at a shower.
Have the shower. If she invites "her" guests it will be a great opportunity for you to make connections in your area. Some of her friends might have local children your age that you might meet and build friendships with. You have been living in your home for two years and are about to have a baby - you would benefit greatly from making some female friends right about now. I'd start social networking like crazy.
And yes, I know that is not the traditional reason for a baby shower. But trust me, if her friends care enough about mil to show up for a dil they never met then they are the sort of kind, loyal, thoughtful families you should want to get to know!