Baby fever-hubby isn't ready... Kind of?!

Re: Baby fever-hubby isn't ready... Kind of?!

• biomaj5 member

  December 2012

  This is going to sound snarky, but I don't mean it to. Get a hobby, and distract yourself from thinking about it. 

  
  

  7,065/13,000=54.3%
  

  Started TTC in June 2008. Not bothering any more.

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• MrsRustyGriswold member

  December 2012

  And take your full name out of your SN.

  

  

  
  

  
  

  "Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn, the clean, cool chill of the holiday air,

  an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer."
  

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• magdalina.h member

  December 2012

  You need to wait. If he's not ready, there isn't anything you can do to force him to start trying sooner.We decided before we got married that we'd wait 2 years before trying.
  

  "I just want us both to feel happy but I'm getting a little upset by I moved here for his job 2 years ago and have tried to start my career over here and haven't had the easiest time... This was a giant sacrifice for me and I feel like I have done my share in waiting and sacrificing I should be able to determine a time when I get off birth control ..." That is never a good starting points for trying for kids. Until he's on board you can either get a hobby or stop taking your pills and risk him resenting you for having kids before he's ready.
  

  

  

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• annieb627 member

  December 2012

  I understand that you're ready right now, but your DH isn't.  Do you want to have a baby right now when you know he isn't fully on board with it?  Having a baby will be easier if you're both on the same page, facing it as a team.  

  That being said, I do understand that it is difficult to wait when you know that you're ready for it.  I'd recommend NOT bringing this topic up too often.  If he's not ready, pushing him about it could make him take even longer to be ready.  I know that waiting is hard ... but you when you have kids, you'll want to know that it's a choice you made together. 

  In regard to going off birth control pills ... could you go off them and then use condoms?  

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• victoria+james member

  December 2012

  I'm in a similar situation, I've been waiting over a year for DH to be ready. But like PPs said, its better if you are both ready. That being said, take this time to get ready to TTC. Get off the BCP and use condoms so you can start charting and your cycle can regulate. Have YH write down what he wants to have completed before TTC and then work on finishing those things together. Good luck!

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
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• greeneyed_bride member

  December 2012

  You're right that it's hard to ever be truly "ready," but it's very possible to be "not ready," and it sounds like your husband just isn't.

  Also, no offense, but the whole "I've waited and sacrificed for two years so this should be up to me" thing doesn't really work when it comes to pressuring someone else to become responsible for another human being for the next 18+ years.  

  I was ready to have a baby before my husband was, too. We sat down and made a list of things that would help us both feel really ready to have a baby. Not vague things like "more money," but concrete things like - have $XX in savings, pay off $XX of student loans, take one last big vacation as a childless couple, etc. He was still in his medical residency at the time, so that was a big thing for him - he wanted to be done with residency by the time the baby came. After we made our list, we were able to decide on a date (almost a year away) that, assuming we'd done all of the things on our list AND we both felt ready, I'd get off of birth control. It was nice for both of us, because it gave me a specific date to look forward to, and it helped him to have concrete goals that would help him feel ready.

  As it turned out, we celebrated his 30th birthday a few months after we made the list, and suddenly he was ready. He realized that, as he put it, "I'm not getting any younger," and he just decided he was ready to be a dad. We took our last big vacation, and then I got off of birth control six months before the date we had decided on. We had our son a few months before my husband graduated from residency, but other than that, we had reached our other goals by the time he was born. 

  Try sitting down with your husband and making specific goals that you both want to accomplish before you start trying to have a baby. In your case, setting a date that you're ready to start trying might not work for your husband, but you can at least set a date 6-12 months in the future where you agree to sit down, evaluate where you are with your goals, and then seriously consider deciding when to start trying.

  I know it's hard to wait, but it's a huge decision, and it's not fair to pressure your husband into making it if he's really not ready. 

   
  

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• kar41287

  December 2012

  My husband and I are in the same situation. We dated for 7 years before marrying and we both love children. We have been married for almost 2 1/2 years and I have baby fever bad. He wants kids but he is afraid of the financial issues (I too work from home) and we also live in a RV due to his work, and he wants to be able to buy a bigger one first. We aren't trying to conceive, yet, but we now have a time line for conception 2014. This will allow us to prepare more financially and talk about concerns (plus I need to get my body ready, since my child like size and family history make me high risk). To help with his fears and my OCD preperation I also have a complete list of items with expenses listed from birth to 1yr. This helps him see the cost and for us to only buy/register for what we need.

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• new2colorado

  December 2012

  I'm in a very similar situation. My husband agreed to start TTC but then wanted to wait a couple months to save money. then that time came and he said he wanted to wait again because his parents thought we weren't ready. So he pushed it back to April of next year to start trying because of our insurance. I told him this was the last time because I am fed up with him changing his mind. I said if you want to have a kid its going to be then.  It has tried my patience to the end of my rope. and the next 4 months are going to go by soo slow. But I guess it'll be better because he will actually be prepared for it as much as he can be. We're both 28 and have been married for 2 years. I think its about time. I didn't want to be 30 when I have my first child. but I guess now that is the only option I have

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• amberx19 member

  December 2012

  My husband and I are in the same boat too. He said the same things, we need more money.. blah blah blah. I came back with the "no one is ever fully ready". I drilled him to find out any little thing that bothered him. Basically he said hes not ready for us to change, hes in love with me and the way things are and really wants to enjoy his time with me. That and he just feels hes flat out not ready. All his friends and family have children already but he just hasnt hit that point yet I guess. Its quite possible thats what going on in your husbands head too but doesnt say it. It did take a long time to get it out of mine. 

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