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Toddlers: 24 Months+
Moms of 2 or more with the first child being a high needs baby
My son is now 3 years old. He was a very high needs baby. He has never slept though the night EVER. He would nurse 3-4 times every night, until he was 2. He now gets in bed with us in the middle of the night every night. He had to be "worn" or held at all times. I couldn't hardly shower because he would scream when I put him down. He was a very, very difficult baby.
He still at 3 is a spirited child. He is very clingy and needs to be with me at all times. If I walk out of the room to go to the bathroom, he gets really mad and runs for me crying. When he gets mad at me he will chase me around the house trying to hit me. I talked to our doctor about these behaviors and she seems to think they are all normal.
Anyways, with all of that... we still want another child. I am just worried how it will be possible. What if we have another high needs baby plus our current son acting out because of a new baby? Has anyone with a high needs baby had a second? What was it like?
DS 10/27/09, 5lb. 15oz., 18in., Emergency C-Section,
TTC soon!, hoping for a VBAC
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Re: Moms of 2 or more with the first child being a high needs baby
My first was a very high needs baby. She mellowed out a lot by 1 year and now at 3 years old she's generally a very mild, well-behaved toddler.
My second was a very easy baby. As she got older she got more and more high needs and is now kind of a monster. LOL.
Our second child was chill. We've never been able to tell whether it's just her personality or she ended up that way b/c we had to put her down so much to deal with DS. Either way, it worked out for us. Her not having colic definitely made her seem infinitely easier.
DS had to learn some patience too. I started it when I was still pregnant. Making him wait, making him give me privacy in the bathroom, not carrying him everywhere, etc. The growing pains were rough. He is still an extremely difficult child, but he's independent now too. I taught him to do things for himself and while the teaching and the forcing him to actually do it was rough, now he wouldn't have it any other way. He refuses to let me make his lunch. He gets up and gets himself breakfast after getting dressed. This is a HUGE help when I've got DD to deal with too.
both of mine are very high needs. Both had colic as babies, had severe reflux (DS outgrew it at 6 months, DD at almost a year), both had a tough time sleep training and didn't take longer than 30 min naps 5x a day until 6 months old....couldn't sleep because of reflux pain even though on meds.
As toddlers it has its moments. I do find that if one is being extra needy the other one does back off some and they sense something. So when DS throws a huge tantrum that is 45 minutes I will see DD walk over and quietly independently play on the other side of the room or vice versa.
DD1 was/is high needs, but not as much are your LO. I will say that is has been difficult having another child b/c there are times (lots of times) when both of them want me and I can only give one of them my attention b/c of the situation (like when I would feed DD2, for example). When that happens, they won't go to anyone but me. Sometimes DH has to take one of them into another room so they will calm down.
DD just turned 3 and she sounds a lot like your DS. We just had another daughter in Sept. and it was pretty rough for a few weeks, but DD is so good with her. When i was pregnant I started telling DD I couldn't carry her all the time. She also plays independently more now than I ever thought she would.
The one thing you might want to work on with your son is sleeping. I still have to lay down with DD for her to fall asleep, and she still comes in our bed in the middle of the night. At first she would wake up when I got up to feed the baby, and that was really a pain. Now DD2 usually gets up once at night, and DD1 is getting more used to me getting out of the bed.
DD2 has a very different personality. She is so calm and happy, and she sleeps better than DD1 ever has. I am still surprised that I can put her in the bouncy seat and she is happy about it. I always had to hold DD1.