Anyone else hate...

CPBP · December 2012

Christmas shopping? I hate it. Every year I get so annoyed and pissy about buying gifts for family members that are adults.

Both sides do it and I straight up told my family that I wished we wouldn't waste money on gifts no one really needs and can totally buy for themselves. My husband loves it, as does his side, so I know it will never happen. I truly hate buying for his younger brothers, and now new relationships. It is such "eye wash." They barely even call now that they are working adults and so busy. They never make trips here to see our son or ask about how we are but, yet, since its Dec 25, we should go out and spend 50 on them!
I work too hard and pay way too much in DC costs to shell out money for people, who are less involved in our lives than an acquaintance but share blood.
I swear that I am not cheap or Scroogey. Our DC teachers are getting 75 each. We have Advent Tree gifts. And I love giving a good gift to celebrate and accomplishment or milestone. But these obligatory adult gifts as the bane of my Christmas season.
Sorry about the long rant. Please tell me there is someone else on this board that feels this way! Or should I change my name to Ebenezer?

MrsI · December 2012

Please tell me there is someone else on this board that feels this way!

thumbs up

CPBP · December 2012

Why do my symbols never work when on my phone??

LoCarb · December 2012

Not alone! We only buy for our parents and that's stressful enough. Fortunately, we don't exchange gifts with our siblings just buy for their kids. In return, our parents gift money. This year H wanted to exchange gifts bc I think he wants something to open. Usually we buy for ourselves year round. It was even difficult to buy for him as he's notorious for wanting things returned but won't do it himself. He asked for a $300 limit. Um, if anyone knows our financial situation best it's him.

Maybe this holiday you can suggest secret Santa? Or go simple and do themed gifts. The gift of booze is usually appreciated and I know I can use some this time of year.

mrsseguin · December 2012

I don't care much for it either. One year we agreed to only buy gifts for the kids in the family, then my SIL gave us a gift...it was SO awkward. Now we usually buy 'couple' gifts. We also made an agreement with my mom and her husband to not buy each other anything. I wish more people in the family would do it. I don't need gifts, if we want something, we buy it. I just want to spend time with my family. It sounds corny, but I really think it gets out of hand buying everyone gifts. It's a PITA. DH's family got very big and a lot of them don't have a lot of money so we do a $20 gift exchange and play a game with it. It works out well.

groovygrl · December 2012

Not a fan either but actually it isnt the adults that bug me- the only adults we buy for are my mom/bro/SIL - they buy my kids tons of stuff all year and bro/SIL don't have kids so they get spoiled at xmas so I don't mind doing gifts with them at all...the thing that bugs me is the nieces/nephews on MH's side- there are 11 including my kids and practically no one gives ideas for their kids even when I email & ask and they range over a 10+ year span. the older ones are especially hard & I feel like we're just trading gift cards for amts that won't really buy them much (except at itunes) and it is total gift overload at hte family get together...

unfortunately I am not comfortable proposing anything as an in law & can't even think of a fair way to draw names or whatever either since all the families have a different # of kids and the adults don't exchange. anyone have any ideas?

(side note I asked MH to take care of his family this year as his xmas gift to me so he can experience what it is like to try to figure out & buy gifts for all those kids. we'll see how that goes.)

nosoup4u · December 2012

We make candy or cookies and buy some nice coffee for our adult siblings. We stopped buying them things a few years back, even though DH's sisters kept buying us stuff, and this was after we talked about just getting the kids presents. Sigh.

Consumable gifts are really good, everyone loves food or liquor.

cltk12 · December 2012

I'm right there with you!!!

shannm · December 2012

Me too. And I hate getting hounded from my parents and IL about what I want. Nothing. Really. It becomes such a ridiculous and meaningless chore. I told MIL that she could renew our family's museum membership. She said of course but then said she still wanted to know what we wanted. Good grief. I'm pushing 40. I want a nice meal and a nap. Leave me be.

My DH siblings do secret Santa. Which is ridiculous because they insist on having everyone say what they want. For awhile, people would just ask for gift cards. It got so impersonal one year that I said I wanted a bedazzled $20 bill. That of course was not appreciated so they made a no gift card rule. Now people literally send out links to exactly what they want, or catalogue numbers. So dumb. Why do it at all?

MammaBear81 · December 2012

DH and I don't exchange, and his family doesn't exchange either. "Santa" comes to the family Christmas dinner and gives 1 present to everyone, a toy for the kids and something small (lotion, bath salts, etc for the adults). We still buy real presents for my sister and BIL because my BIL is totally materialistic and would be a puss at Christmas if he didn't have enough presents to open. I personally think it's stupid for me to spend money on them for them to spend it right back on me. To top that off, they usually spend more on me and DH (because they have tons of spending money) so I feel like an ass because we didn't spend 1/2 our paycheck on them. BIL is brainwashing my sister slowly, and it annoys me, Christmas is not about presents, and adults can buy their own cr@p!

emberlee3 · December 2012

Yes, fortunately my and DH's siblings declared a present truce a few years ago. We only buy for the children. We still exchange gifts with our parents, although I wish we didn't.

groovygrl · December 2012

socialmediamommy:
groovygrl:
Not a fan either but actually it isnt the adults that bug me- the only adults we buy for are my mom/bro/SIL - they buy my kids tons of stuff all year and bro/SIL don't have kids so they get spoiled at xmas so I don't mind doing gifts with them at all...the thing that bugs me is the nieces/nephews on MH's side- there are 11 including my kids and practically no one gives ideas for their kids even when I email & ask and they range over a 10+ year span. the older ones are especially hard & I feel like we're just trading gift cards for amts that won't really buy them much (except at itunes) and it is total gift overload at hte family get together...
unfortunately I am not comfortable proposing anything as an in law & can't even think of a fair way to draw names or whatever either since all the families have a different # of kids and the adults don't exchange. anyone have any ideas?
(side note I asked MH to take care of his family this year as his xmas gift to me so he can experience what it is like to try to figure out & buy gifts for all those kids. we'll see how that goes.)

Growing up, my parents would do an even exchange for kid gifts. So, my parents had three kids. They'd randomly pick three other cousins out of a hat to buy for. Aunt who only has one kid, she picks one name out of the hat. Each kid gets a gift and it cuts waaaay down on ridiculous spending.

Hm well good point I was thinking it was unfair if you had 3 kids but forgot about the fact that your 3 kids are getting 3 gifts...but it still seems unfair somehow, though when I think about it, the 3 kid family is buying for 8 other kids (niece & nephew wise) and the 1 kid family is buying for 10 kids so that is probably more unfair! (not to mention they're all catholic except us & so we have to give baptism, communion & confirmation gifts but our kids will not be receiving those...). I would be happy to spend the same amt but at least get something really good, kwim?

laurakaz13 · December 2012

I totally agree with you! I hate it as well. This year my SIL and I told the rest of the siblings we are not buying gifts for each other, just the kids and parents.

I think DH's family is kind of ticked about it, but oh well!

skibunny59 · December 2012

I love shopping for the kids. Hate shopping for the adults. My family doesn't do adult gifts anymore. It just got too expensive since my family is huge (we celebrate with extended family as well so it was just way too many people). Now we just buy one gift and do white elephant and it is a lot of fun.

I keep telling DH he has to have a talk with his family about maybe doing secret santa or a grab bag with the adults since he has 4 siblings who are all married.

KathrynMD · December 2012

shannm:

Me too. And I hate getting hounded from my parents and IL about what I want. Nothing. Really. It becomes such a ridiculous and meaningless chore. I told MIL that she could renew our family's museum membership. She said of course but then said she still wanted to know what we wanted. Good grief. I'm pushing 40. I want a nice meal and a nap. Leave me be.

This is my main issue too - my mom bugs me to death about what to get me and DH. This year, I decided to be direct and told her what both of us wanted was a spa day and told her where we wanted to go. 2 weeks later, she's calling me, saying she doesn't know what to get for DH. Again, I repeated, we want to get a spa day, just get a GC for X spa. In case she didn't want to drive there, I also suggested liquor, chocolate, any kind of GC to Lowes/Home Depot for him or a sweatshirt/anything for his favorite team. She comes back an hour later asking if he would like a tool belt? Duude - he's 44, he basically built our kitchen himself and renovated a 100 year old house a few years ago - he has a tool belt. I really don't want/need anything, but if you insist on buying me something and then ask me, just buy it. If you don't want to buy it, then don't ask what I want.

I really just want to make charitable donations for all of them instead.

At least we stopped exchanging w/ DH's siblings a few years ago. It was ridiculous - my BIL makes like 10x what we make, and they would give us these extravagant gifts - family weekend in NYC (including dinner, Rockette's show, hotel, etc.) It was unnecessary showing off and then my SIL who made no money at the time, would spend all Christmas stressing about trying to find somethign appropriate for them - but of course there was no way to compete.

honeybee111 · December 2012

The only people I dread buying for are my cousins' kids. We only see them like twice a year, so we're not particularly close. However, on DD's first Christmas, they all gave DD gifts "from" their own kids. I wasn't prepared and didn't get their kids anything, so the next year, I felt bad, and my mom hinted that I should probably get their kids stuff since they buy stuff for DD. The thing is, I have 5 cousins with 2-3 kids each, so I'm spending a significant amount of money on these kids who don't actually NEED more Christmas gifts. Ugh. We're on year 3 of this and I feel like I'm trapped in this horrid gift giving cycle. These gifts are exchanged at our family Christmas dinner, so it would definitely be noticed if we showed up with nothing to exchange. On the bright side, at least we only buy gifts for the kids.

MammaBear81 · December 2012

groovygrl:
socialmediamommy:
groovygrl:

Hm well good point I was thinking it was unfair if you had 3 kids but forgot about the fact that your 3 kids are getting 3 gifts...but it still seems unfair somehow, though when I think about it, the 3 kid family is buying for 8 other kids (niece & nephew wise) and the 1 kid family is buying for 10 kids so that is probably more unfair! (not to mention they're all catholic except us & so we have to give baptism, communion & confirmation gifts but our kids will not be receiving those...). I would be happy to spend the same amt but at least get something really good, kwim?

I think what she was trying to say is that everyone who is getting a present puts a name in a hat so each "person" buys for someone else. DH did that with his cousins as they got older, so each person bought 1 present instead of 7. I think it works well for adults (because the 1:1 ratio) but not so much when you are talking kids, because it's the adults who are buying, but in any case it's better than buying for everyone every year!

groovygrl · December 2012

MammaBear81:
groovygrl:
socialmediamommy:
groovygrl:

Hm well good point I was thinking it was unfair if you had 3 kids but forgot about the fact that your 3 kids are getting 3 gifts...but it still seems unfair somehow, though when I think about it, the 3 kid family is buying for 8 other kids (niece & nephew wise) and the 1 kid family is buying for 10 kids so that is probably more unfair! (not to mention they're all catholic except us & so we have to give baptism, communion & confirmation gifts but our kids will not be receiving those...). I would be happy to spend the same amt but at least get something really good, kwim?
I think what she was trying to say is that everyone who is getting a present puts a name in a hat so each "person" buys for someone else. DH did that with his cousins as they got older, so each person bought 1 present instead of 7. I think it works well for adults (because the 1:1 ratio) but not so much when you are talking kids, because it's the adults who are buying, but in any case it's better than buying for everyone every year!

Yeah no I get it- I was saying that when I first thought about the kids 'picking names' it seemed unfair that the family w/ 3 kids would have to buy 3 gifts & the 1 kid family would only buy 1 but from that viewpoint it is not 'fair' now for the same reason, but the opposite, if that makes sense. I would love to switch to this & get something for 2 kids from my 2 kids, spend more on each of them & get something they really want or could use....but unfortunately I am not in a position to suggest it & I think MH has brought it up in the past but never really pushed it or was taken seriously. No one else ever mentions it that I'm aware so I guess none of them have a problem with it...

CPBP · December 2012

Me too. And I hate getting hounded from my parents and IL about what I want. Nothing. Really. It becomes such a ridiculous and meaningless chore. I told MIL that she could renew our family's museum membership. She said of course but then said she still wanted to know what we wanted. Good grief. I'm pushing 40. I want a nice meal and a nap. Leave me be.

Sometimes I toy with saying,"Pay for a week of daycare," when my in-laws ask me what I want. Seriously! They spend outrageous amounts of money of more sweaters and work pants and other gadgets when I would most appreciate not having another $260 deducted from my account!

What part of Philly are you? I grew up just outside of...

shannm · December 2012

CPBP:
Me too. And I hate getting hounded from my parents and IL about what I want. Nothing. Really. It becomes such a ridiculous and meaningless chore. I told MIL that she could renew our family's museum membership. She said of course but then said she still wanted to know what we wanted. Good grief. I'm pushing 40. I want a nice meal and a nap. Leave me be.

Sometimes I toy with saying,"Pay for a week of daycare," when my in-laws ask me what I want. Seriously! They spend outrageous amounts of money of more sweaters and work pants and other gadgets when I would most appreciate not having another $260 deducted from my account!

What part of Philly are you? I grew up just outside of...

Haha, I totally considered asking them to contribute to DS's tuition but then realized that they would take this way too seriously and give us way too much money. That would make me feel uncomfortable so at least with the membership, I knew they were capped at a certain amount.

We currently live in Roxborough. I lived in the Abington/Willow Grove area as a kid.

Jelliebean1982 · December 2012

I am so thankful that my DH's family only buys gifts for kids (as in no gift exchanges among the adults) and my family does a Secret Santa among siblings. We both come from large families. There is no way I could do it!

Strunella · December 2012

Our family is really small...just my parents, DH's parents and his sister/SO. DS is the only child in the family. So, I shouldn't complain, but I am! I just want to buy one gift for everyone, but they all buy a ton of gifts. DH's parents drop some serious cash, and I feel pressure to buy them a lot of gifts as well. I mean, we're all sitting there opening gifts so I feel pretty stupid opening a ton of gifts from them if we've only given them one. We also do small stocking stuffer gifts, which usually means a late night run to Target for me as I desperately try to find little things that end up adding up pretty quickly.

itsmevkb · December 2012

I have been begging my parents to stop buying gifts for DECADES now and no luck. My mother insists on buying us stuff which means I then have to buy her something. My father doesn't care but my mom would get mad if I didn't buy him anything.

Thankfully, my sisters and I gave up the gifting, both for each other and our kids, a few years back.

ns1 · December 2012

Yeah, this year we just bought for the immediate family who we actually see often (parents, siblings), each other, and our own little kiddo. I know others will probably get us those obligatory gifts, but we just don't have the money/time right now! Our gift is making a six hour drive with a toddler to see everyone!

skibunny59 · December 2012

laurakaz13:

I totally agree with you! I hate it as well. This year my SIL and I told the rest of the siblings we are not buying gifts for each other, just the kids and parents.

I think DH's family is kind of ticked about it, but oh well!

I would love it if DH grew a pair and told his family this is what we are doing. DH and his one sister talked about it but then they said that since his other sister and brother don't have any kids, they may not think it's fair that they still have to buy a gift for our kids but we don't have to buy any gifts for them. Really?! First of all, it's not our fault you don't have kids and second of all you're adults. Do you really need a stupid, useless gift for christmas? Honestly, it wouldn't bother me if they didn't want to buy gifts for DD.

mexicolombiana · December 2012

YES. I EFFING HATE CHRISTMAS SHOPPING. It's stupid. Also I'm a bankruptcy lawyer, so in that respect, I LOVE Christmas and people spending too much money and living beyond their means and maxing out their credit cards. I'll see them all when they come and file for bankruptcy in a few months!

No really, this is exactly what happens.

This year we set a hard rule. NOT PRESENTS FOR ADULTS. only kids. period.

I'm a scrooge.