Pure craziness

twinkl5379 · December 2012

I am posting this b/c I think it's unbelievable that a person can act like this...sorry it's so long.

My bro told me that the other night he had to go to the store to pick up batteries for something my niece needed for school the next day. He waited to leave until 10 pm after kids were asleep (his crazy wife was there with them of course). He told his wife he'd be back in about 1.5 hours (he planned to stop by his cousin's house b/c he said he wanted to get out of the house but wasn't drinking or anything).

Well, a little while into it, she called him livid & asked where he was. He told her the name of the store, and she said "I'll be right there." He was shocked b/c she should've been at home with the kids. He said he knew what was going to happen so he immedately left the store (she'd come in and cause a big scene and chase him home in her car, etc). He told her that he'd left just to go back home with the kids and he was also on the way home. She asked which route he was taking, and he would not tell her b/c he said "we're not going to have car chases, we just need to get home w/the kids." (She's chased him in the car many times.)

So he's driving home, and she passes him going the opposite direction. She runs a red flight and makes a U-turn in the middle of the street - all while driving on a suspended license with the kids at home alone. She follows him driving crazy, gets next to him and is trying to ram into him and run him off the road - while telling him to pull over. He said he knew not to stop b/c her goal was to take his car keys and leave him stranded on the road.

They were on the phone the whole time. He told her "just stop, we're going to lose the kids, go home." She didn't care, so then he told her "ok, i'm scared, you can do what you want, you can beat me up, hit me, I don't care. Let's just get home and wait until we get inside the house - not out in the yard or in cars." (She's caused many scences outside where neighbors have witnessed it)

So when they finally got home, she was hitting him and throwing toys at him. Then she locked him out of the house at midnight with no keys or phone for 2 hours. This was all to teach him a lesson for lying to her (he simply didn't directly tell her he was going to his cousin's, just that he'd be back in an hour and a half).

After this incident, I told him he needs to file a police report but he's scared they will lose the kids. I said it shouldn't affect him b/c he thought his kids were safe at home with their MOM. But hopefully it would cause her to lose custody b/c she's freaking insane. Part of the problem is that he doesn't want her to lose custody of them b/c she doesn't treat them this way, only him. He just wants to be away from her desperately but he does feel trapped. Still, this woman is sick, and she is trying to control him and make it so that there's no way out for him.

I told him that I'd give him the money to get an apartment and get the hell out of there. Now the problem is that she lost her job so he's going to have to pay that rent for the kid's sake. he can't afford both. And without legal custody he can't take the kids from her.

My dad gave him $6,500 for a lawyer, which was required as a "down payment." Things got screwed up, my bro fell for her lies/tricks, and the lawyer got screwed over...(another long story). Now the lawyer says she's too busy to pick the case back up AND she won't give him his the remaining money back that she didn't use up. He said he calls all the time and went to their office this week, but of course, they dont' answer his calls and they weren't at the office when he stopped by.

Ilumine · December 2012

twinkl5379:

My dad gave him $6,500 for a lawyer, which was required as a "down payment." Things got screwed up, my bro fell for her lies/tricks, and the lawyer got screwed over...(another long story). Now the lawyer says she's too busy to pick the case back up AND she won't give him his the remaining money back that she didn't use up. He said he calls all the time and went to their office this week, but of course, they dont' answer his calls and they weren't at the office when he stopped by.

And this is why I have such a hard time interacting with you.

Granted, your brother is an abused spouse and his reactions and reasoning skills are stunted. But I know I specificially told you to have him contact the State Bar Association, in regards to his lawyer (because if what your brother alledges is true, she did not get screwed over, she screwed up and is now hiding that fact).

And given he is actually telling you that NO ONE is in her offices when he "stops by", I have a hard time accepting that he is doing anything, let alone everything in his ability here.

Because really, if he REALLY wanted to leave this marriage, all he had to do was call the cops or CPS while he was STILL AT THE STORE and let them know that his wife, whom he had left with his kids while he ran to get batteries, was now on her way to berate him, thus leaving the children at home.

BUT NOOOOOOOO. That never crossed his mind. Instead, he tried to play chicken with her? Just like what happened when your SIL left her kids at your parents house that one time. NO ONE CALLED THE COPS immediately. You all should have LEARNED from that incident, no?

And you wonder why I dont give you the benefit of the doubt when it comes to your stepchildren and inlaws.

twinkl5379 · December 2012

Ilumine:
twinkl5379:

My dad gave him $6,500 for a lawyer, which was required as a "down payment." Things got screwed up, my bro fell for her lies/tricks, and the lawyer got screwed over...(another long story). Now the lawyer says she's too busy to pick the case back up AND she won't give him his the remaining money back that she didn't use up. He said he calls all the time and went to their office this week, but of course, they dont' answer his calls and they weren't at the office when he stopped by.

And this is why I have such a hard time interacting with you. Here we go again with everything being perfect in your black/white world. Like I've said to you before, life is gray, esp. in situations like these.

Granted, your brother is an abused spouse and his reactions and reasoning skills are stunted. But I know I specificially told you to have him contact the State Bar Association, in regards to his lawyer (because if what your brother alledges is true, she did not get screwed over, she screwed up and is now hiding that fact). I have also told him to contact the state bar. I think the reason he has not is b/c he actually knows the lawyer's secretary personally and she has told him they will get the money back, but it keeps turning out to be BS. He also hopes this attorney will take his case back, but I think she's just screwing him. I've suggested that he do this. Again, a gray situation.

And given he is actually telling you that NO ONE is in her offices when he "stops by", I have a hard time accepting that he is doing anything, let alone everything in his ability here. I specficially asked if he is calling everyday, and he said yes. He went by ONCE and they were not there. He needs to continue.

Because really, if he REALLY wanted to leave this marriage, all he had to do was call the cops or CPS while he was STILL AT THE STORE and let them know that his wife, whom he had left with his kids while he ran to get batteries, was now on her way to berate him, thus leaving the children at home. Better yet, I suggested that he drive to the police station while she was following him, (as he has done before). He said in his mind, he thought that THEY would lose the kids if he got the cops involved; his goal was to simply get home to the kids (this is reasonable thinking while he was in the situation). He also flat out says he "doesn't like the police" b/c calling them has turned on him before. SHE's the female and she is evil. My bro has pressed charges on her once before, and in retaliation, she LIED and pressed false charges for domestic abuse against him. My mom witnessed the incident where she claimed this occured. She eventually dropped the charges.

To this point, my H suggested he install a hidden camera. I agree that would be fantastic, but if she found it, he'd be in SERIOUS trouble. She got PISSED at him when she found he was reading a self-help book about her personality disorder.

BUT NOOOOOOOO. That never crossed his mind. Instead, he tried to play chicken with her? Just like what happened when your SIL left her kids at your parents house that one time. NO ONE CALLED THE COPS immediately. You all should have LEARNED from that incident, no? Are you freaking kidding me? How did you get out of this that "he tried to play chicken with her"? He said he was scared and told her that. he said I give up, you can do what you want, just stop and get home to the kids. You think he WANTED HER CHASHING HIM? No one called the cops b/c it was just him who witnessed the situation. It's a damn shame that a cop didn't see this happening on the road. Reference point above - he knows what happens when he calls the cops. She turns it on him and believe me, she's good at her lies. Unfortunately, she is attractive, and she pulls her "I'm a nurse" card.

How was anyone else supposed to call the cops when no one else witnessed it? However, I pleaded with him to file a report TODAY so it is on file, that he has to build this case against her so that when she does retaliate, he'll have a strong case already in the works. But my parents have pressed charges against her, and so has he in the past, so the case is building. She has also lied to the judge about paying her car tags and a suspended license, so that's good for him.

And you wonder why I dont give you the benefit of the doubt when it comes to your stepchildren and inlaws. What the hell does this have to do with my SK's and in-laws? Which by the way, as I have stated many times, the relationship is improving and I have taken steps for that to happen. I don't know what the hell you are talking about???

magsugar13 · December 2012

I think it is unbelievable that your brother is a grown man and allows this to continue. I also think it is unbelievable that you continue to see that he has any responsibility in this and he is a total victim.

He is a grown ass man, he isnt trapped, he has family who enable him, and could help him if he wanted it.

Instead he continues to makes excuses and take no responsibility.

twinkl5379 · December 2012

magsugar13:

I think it is unbelievable that your brother is a grown man and allows this to continue. I also think it is unbelievable that you continue to see that he has any responsibility in this and he is a total victim.

He is a grown ass man, he isnt trapped, he has family who enable him, and could help him if he wanted it.

Instead he continues to makes excuses and take no responsibility.

So if a woman is battered, it is her fault for not taking responsibility? You honestly believe that in battered situations, a person can't feel trapped and can easily walk away? That's his problem in dealing with this. It's easy to feel sorry for a woman who's battered, but it's less common when it happens to a man. Just like you ignorantly stated that he's a grown man, how could this happen?

Well, it would be a lot easier to walk away from him if he didn't have 4 kids with her. But he's there b/c he wants to be with his kids. It's not that easy though it is possible.

Sorry, but I don't believe what you've stated about it's his fault and he could easily get out of it. Yes, he could but, believe me, it won't be easy dealing with her. It takes planning and saving money without that person knowing. That's what he is trying to do and what his counselor has advised. Also, there are 4 young kids involved in this situation so he will continue to have contact with her.

How is his family enabling him?

kimmygirl77 · December 2012

You are always making excuses for him. Every point Illumine made you had an excuse for. Every time you come on here and post about this mess, you are told what should be done and you make an excuse as to why your poor brother cant do those things. You know what they say about excuses......

I think both your bro and your SIL should lose those kids. They BOTH are not fit to raise them. Your brother is not putting them first when he is letting his wife beat the crap out of him and leaving them by themselves.

He should have let her come to the store and start whatever crap she was going to. Then he would have had witnesses as to her craziness. He should have called the police and when they got there, explained that the kids were home alone. Then she COULD NOT lie because there would be witnesses!!! BUT NO, he does not do that, he leaves and deals with this where there are no witnesses. I am beginning to think that all this crap is not happening to him and he is making it up because he doesn't smarten up and have her do her antics in front of others so that he will have witnesses. LET her do whatever in front of the neighbors, then they can tell the cops what a crazy she is being.

And WTF about going to an attorney's office and they aren't there? Was it during business hours? Probably not. And to hell with that secretary!!! WE ARE TALKING ABOUT HIS KIDS!!!! He is more concerned about his friend getting in trouble than taking care of his kids and getting their mom away from them.....but we all know that because he continues to play his wife's psychotic games.

This is a crazy mess and I suggest you pull away from it. Don't have anything to do with your brother anymore unless he gets his head out of his ass and puts his kids first. He needs to put his wife in jail, and get the kids and go to a shelter for battered people. Until he does this, I would keep my distance and not help in anyway as he has proven time and time again that he does not want to better his situation.

Oh, and go ahead and make more excuses as to why this is not his fault....because you will. This advice will go upon deaf ears.....not sure why I wasted my time to type it out....

highlights · December 2012

Why didn't your brother call the police immediately when he realized the kids where going to be home alone? Or even a neighbor? There is so much wrong in this situation. How does he expect to get out with the kids if he doesn't document her craziness?

Littlejen22 · December 2012

I agree that it sounds like someone is exaggerating because if she was trying to hit him and drive him off the road it would not be too hard, how fast was he driving to get away from her? And how does she overpower him to get the keys? Stop making excuses for him and stop helping him, he is sucking as a Dad allowing this to happen, how old are thise kids that they were home alone. And if ahe is this much of a nut she will eventually go after those kids, sony paint her as a good Mom. when/if he is willing to do something then you can be there but it needs to be after he calls the cops.

WWMS · December 2012

How does he not have legal custody of the kids if he is their father? Either parent has the right to take those kids anywhere.

And he doesn't want her to lose custody of them because she isn't doing it to them. Uh, beating their father, leaving them alone, and I think you said she has dropped them off and left them before is doing it to them.

I agree with the poster who said the kids need taken away from both of them.

fellesferie · December 2012

I don't think it's your brother's fault that he's a victim of domestic abuse. But I do think that he's lying to you & your family and he is at fault for not taking steps to protect his children. Because he either can't or won't, I think another family member has to intercede.

I'm repeating my last advice: I think your parents need to pursue (at least temporary) custody of the kiddos. They are not safe in the house. Your brother doesn't want to be saved, but the poor kids desperately need someone who can take care of them.

J&A2008 · December 2012

twinkl5379:

I told him that I'd give him the money to get an apartment and get the hell out of there. Now the problem is that she lost her job so he's going to have to pay that rent for the kid's sake. he can't afford both. And without legal custody he can't take the kids from her.

He gets an apartment, files for emergency custody. If everything you've said is correct with all the police reports, etc., I don't know why he couldn't.

J&A2008 · December 2012

He does play the victim very well. There is no way a grown man couldn't find his way out of this if he wanted to. The longer he stays, the more he is endangering his children, and that sickens me.

+just+j+ · December 2012

If it were me, I'd hand my brother the 800 number to the domestic abuse hotline and tell him that I love him dearly, but this is nuts. When he's ready to leave, to call the number. THey help people like him. When he gets professional help, to let you know. Until then, you do not want to be a part of this anymore.

This has gotten WAAAAAAY out of control.

I'd be calling CPS.

Enough is enough already.

THis is no different than dealing with a drug addict. You need to quit enabling and supporting him in ANY way.

Lissa832 · December 2012

I was just lurking, but this situation is quite similar to my brother's unfortunately. YOU have a responsibility to the children. Get off the Internet and go call CPS. You don't need to have witnessed the offenses. You only need to make CPS aware of them. Even if they both deny it, the complaint will still be in their file. That's what I did, and guess what? My brother and SIL got their sh!t together.

You make your brother out to be the victim. The victims are the children. Even if she doesn't mistreat the kids, it is an abusive situation. HE is putting themin a dangerous situation by not taking action. You have a moral obligation to do the right thing here, so do it. Neither one of them deserve those kids based on the picture you painted.

Littlejen22 · December 2012

Twink, if this is all happening to your brother's kids why have YOU not called CPS?

And all the other replies make me wonder if he has used the money for something else. Offer for you to contact the lawyer since they are not responding to him, if he won't let you then he is lying to you.

Jessys_Girl · December 2012

Ilumine:
twinkl5379:

My dad gave him $6,500 for a lawyer, which was required as a "down payment." Things got screwed up, my bro fell for her lies/tricks, and the lawyer got screwed over...(another long story). Now the lawyer says she's too busy to pick the case back up AND she won't give him his the remaining money back that she didn't use up. He said he calls all the time and went to their office this week, but of course, they dont' answer his calls and they weren't at the office when he stopped by.

And this is why I have such a hard time interacting with you. 

Granted, your brother is an abused spouse and his reactions and reasoning skills are stunted.  But I know I specificially told you to have him contact the State Bar Association, in regards to his lawyer (because if what your brother alledges is true, she did not get screwed over, she screwed up and is now hiding that fact).

And given he is actually telling you that NO ONE is in her offices when he "stops by", I have a hard time accepting that he is doing anything, let alone everything in his ability here.

Because really, if he REALLY wanted to leave this marriage, all he had to do was call the cops or CPS while he was STILL AT THE STORE and let them know that his wife, whom he had left with his kids while he ran to get batteries, was now on her way to berate him, thus leaving the children at home.

BUT NOOOOOOOO.  That never crossed his mind.  Instead, he tried to play chicken with her? Just like what happened when your SIL left her kids at your parents house that one time.  NO ONE CALLED THE COPS immediately.  You all should have LEARNED from that incident, no?

And you wonder why I dont give you the benefit of the doubt when it comes to your stepchildren and inlaws. 

Uh. This.

Jessys_Girl · December 2012

Littlejen22:
Twink, if this is all happening to your brother's kids why have YOU not called CPS?

And all the other replies make me wonder if he has used the money for something else. Offer for you to contact the lawyer since they are not responding to him, if he won't let you then he is lying to you.

And this too.

Jessys_Girl · December 2012

Littlejen22:
Twink, if this is all happening to your brother's kids why have YOU not called CPS?

And all the other replies make me wonder if he has used the money for something else. Offer for you to contact the lawyer since they are not responding to him, if he won't let you then he is lying to you.

And this too.

twister22 · December 2012

fellesferie:
I don't think it's your brother's fault that he's a victim of domestic abuse. But I do think that he's lying to you & your family and he is at fault for not taking steps to protect his children. Because he either can't or won't, I think another family member has to intercede.
I'm repeating my last advice: I think your parents need to pursue (at least temporary) custody of the kiddos. They are not safe in the house. Your brother doesn't want to be saved, but the poor kids desperately need someone who can take care of them.

This.

The #1 victims here are the children. CALL CPS NOW. Someone, whether it be your parents or another family, should be getting temporary custody of those poor children.

Your brother is also a victim here. He is scared to death of losing the kids and of his wife pressing false charges on him and manipulating him and making him look worse. So, he tries to pacify her as much as he can. He knows subconsciously that what he is doing is wrong (not taking action and getting himself and the kids the h*ll out of there), so that is why he will tell lies to you and your family. He wants you guys to think he is actively trying to make the situation better, because he knows that he should be, but truth is, he is not.

He needs someone else to step in and take control. He feels powerless. He wants what is right but is having a hard time executing the actions to make that happen. So step in and be an awesome sister and help do that for him. And for the kids. Seriously.

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