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one shower or two?

bmcelwain89bmcelwain89 member
in Baby Showers
My husband and I are having our first baby.  It's also my mom's first grandchild.  My mom has planned on throwing me a shower since the beginning.  Today, my MIL told me that my two SILs(husbands side) want to throw me a shower and they will talk to me about it on thanksgiving this week.  I tried to tell her my mom is already planning on doing one but she seemed to not care.  I know for a fact that one of my SILs already knows my mom was going to do it.  I'm not sure though if I should let them throw me another shower and just have two smaller ones instead of one bigger one?  Also, my family and friends mostly live about an hour from me (where my mom lives) My SILs live in the same city as me but my husbands family all live states away.  I am not sure what to tell my SIL when she confronts me about it later this week.  Please help!
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Re: one shower or two?

  • lindseylovestjlindseylovestj member
    If your SILs are planning on having a shower but your husband's family all lives states away..who all would they even be inviting?

    My mom is throwing a shower at her house (3 hours from me) for my side of the family & my MIL is having one here where we live for my husband's side.
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  • caladpi02caladpi02 member

    It is fine to have multiple showers but I have usually heard of a family shower and a friend shower-although having two family showers for each side is not totally strange. I would just talk to your SIL about what she is supposedly planning on doing. Is it just going to be their side of the family? Is your mom planning on hosting friends as well as family? I thik you need to get these questions answered first.

    If she is planning on hosting your family too, you can tell her that your mother is planning you a shower and you very much appreciate their offer to host and maybe you should put them all in touch with each other to discuss details. You may also be jumping the gun as neither SIL has spoken to you directly. Your MIL could be incorrect.

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  • EastCoastBrideEastCoastBride member
    imagecaladpi02:

    I would just talk to your SIL about what she is supposedly planning on doing. Is it just going to be their side of the family? Is your mom planning on hosting friends as well as family? I thik you need to get these questions answered first. .

    Ditto this- find out what it is that she is thinking of first.  If she's thinking just her family, then gladly accept.

    But if she's thinking "the" shower for everyone, including your family - stand firm.  And if she does get pushy, I actually don't advise that you tell her to talk to your mom.  I forsee her trying to take everything over.

    Jsut figure out what she's offering, and if it conflicts w/ your mom - just tell her so and if necessary say "no thanks" to her offer.

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  • bmcelwain89bmcelwain89 member
    My mom had planned on having friends and family.  As for my husband's side it is only my two SILs and my MIL that live close.  My husbands family is pretty pushy most of the time and i'm really not even close to my SIL who wants to throw the shower.  In fact we barely have small talk when we are all around eachother.  As for if they want to do a friend and family one i'm not totally sure, but will find out thursday.  If my SIL wants to only do a family one, i'm not sure if I should accept since like I said there is only 2 SILs and my MIL on my husbands side here.
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  • RoxyLynnRoxyLynn member
    As long as no one is invited to more than one shower, it's fine.
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  • rhubarb123rhubarb123 member

    imageRoxyLynn:
    As long as no one is invited to more than one shower, it's fine.

    This.  Perhaps there are family friends that your DH knows but you don't know and she will invite them.  There also might be some people that will come from other states.  I know at my shower (both sides) my DH's family came from 3 different states.

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  • happy_un-bridehappy_un-bride member
    It sounds like there may be a use for 2...  I'm having 2.  DHs stepmom is throwing me one here (near where we live).  DHs mom and SIL are throwing me one in another state.
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  • 526SadieSadie526SadieSadie member

    It sounds fine to me, your mom can invite your side and SILs can invite DH's side.  Your friends can be invited to either one (but not both!)

    You aren't the one planning it so it's ultimately out of your hands but request that they be staggered so you don't have both showers in the same weekend.  It shouldn't matter which shower is held first but you'll want time to sort through gifts and relax - unpacking after a shower can be stressful.

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  • ShadyKullShadyKull member

    The same thing sort of happened to me, that my MIL mentioned to me that she is planning one. Then when I told my mom, she mentioned that she had been thinking of planning one also. I suggested that she get in touch with my MIL to decide whether it would be easier to have one large shower, or have two (one for each side of the family). If they decide on two, I would ask that my personal friends are invited to my side's shower because I have a much smaller family than Hubs. My mom and MIL are both easy to work with people who get along, so I am pretty sure they can figure this out together without me needing to intervene.

    When you talk to your SIL, I would explain that your mom is planning one so that could cover everyone to be invited. You might suggest that they just pitch in with the planning with your mom (if they get along). If they insist on throwing a separate shower, let them know that it will probably be very small, as you were already planning on inviting your friends and family to your mom's shower, and people shouldn't be invited to more than one.

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  • cellomusic11cellomusic11 member
    I would just remind them that your mother is planning on throwing the shower.
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  • lexyraejaylexyraejay member
    If both groups really want to do one for you, just divide your guest list appropriately between the two - maybe your family and friends at your mom's and your H's family at the SILs.
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  • oliversmom03oliversmom03 member

    imageRoxyLynn:
    As long as no one is invited to more than one shower, it's fine.

    This!  

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  • mccall35mccall35 member
    I had a similar situation. My sisters are throwing a shower for me in January. My MIL had mentioned a shower being thrown for me on DH's side. I had my sister get in touch with MIL to determine if they wanted to do one big shower, or two smaller ones. MIL informed my sister that one of her closest friends was already planning a shower, and she would make sure DHs aunts/grandmas etc get invited to that one. So my sisters are going to do one for my side, and any friends from back home. I also had a girlfriend ask if she could throw a small shower with the girls from my masters program, I'm still debating whether or not to accept this invite, or invite them to one of the other showers (there would only be about 6 of them). I really don't think the number of showers you have matters, like PP have said, just be sure people don't get invited to more than one!
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  • sthomas1222sthomas1222 member
    Unless you have tons of family and can split it into 2 showers or the 2 families just really don't get along I'd tell them "I'd really appreciate it if you could work with my mom and do one big shower. I'd love to have everyone together and celebrate this with all my family!" Or something along those lines. I had to repeatedly tell my mom we didn't have enough for 2 showers and to suck it up and work with my MIL who's a really sweet and easygoing person...

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