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Blended Families
HisChamaoleGirl
member
dont know what to do about dh old lawyer...
HisChamaoleGirl
member
I have posted before about an issue we had with dh old lawyer. The quick version is BM wanted a stipulation added to the CO saying that "during the school summer vacation period and the christmas or winter vacation period, the child shall not be left in the physical custody of relatives or other parties..." This eliminates the time SS can be with me, DHs family and daycare. DH told BM no this is not something he would agree to bc we dont try to dictate who SS is with when he is in BM care. This would be granting her control of what goes on in our home and I am not going to deal with a contempt hearing if I spend time with SS while DH is at work.
CS was established November of last year. We have documents where we released him as DH representation. During our last visit with SS we were on island so we picked up DH packet from the lawyer. I found a document adding the above stipulation signed by DHs lawyer in December and by a judge in January.
We have been since disputing this and trying to get it reversed since our discovery in May. I dont know what else to do bc the lawyer isnt responding since August. It isnt like we can just walk into his office. I dont want to have to hire someone else to sue to have it reversed. I dont even know if that is even possible. What I do know is that visitation is coming in May and it will be the first time that escorting SS will need to happen for visitation. I can see BM bringing the stipulated order up.
Suggestions??
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Re: dont know what to do about dh old lawyer...
My thoughts as random internet stranger/friend, non legal opinion:
If BM wants to pursue a violation of the CO, she's going to have to be willing to spend $$ on her attorney to fight it. Is it going to be worth her time and money to b!tch that you had SS on your own for a week? You and DH can probably judge that better than any lawyer can.
You can spend all your time and resources to fight it now, but it may be for nothing if BM is not planning on making sure it is enforced anyway. She might just feel better that it is there.
You could always wait and see, if she does ever try to call contempt, produce the evidence that you told your lawyer NOT to sign the documents, fight tooth and nail that leaving SS in your CARE is NOT the same as CUSTODY - I would want to hear from others with a "right of first refusal" clause to hear if "care" and "custody" are equivalent, because I don't think they are. Anyone care to comment on "custody?"
My SSs' are still in my husband's sole legal and physical custody even when they are with me for a week while he's traveling for work. The home is his, the rules are his, the parenting decisions are his. (Yes, we all know that I function as Mom and make decisions and discipline, but I'm not doing them "rogue" - we are a team. My rules are his rules.) I think you can still say SS is in DH's custody when he is with you. "Care" might be trickier to argue, but that clause would be ridiculous in the first place because it implies SS is to be with DH 24/7.
Lastly, if it does come to a legal battle with BM over this clause, sue the original attorney for all costs and fees.
DH whole file has copies of all emails where DH said YES sign this for me or NO dont sign this for me. When I contacted the lawyer saying there was NOTHING in the file approving or disapproving this action I asked him to produce a reason why he signed for DH.
BM only verbally told DH about the stipulation. The lawyer never brought it up to DH. THe only thing I could find was a note from BM lawyer saying I will send you the added stipulation for you to sign. But there is NOTHING to show that DH approved of this. The lawyer didnt even ask DH about it.
As far as we knew DH told BM NO and she decided not to pay to pursue it.
She never even told us that the stipulation DH refused to sign was even approved. She doesnt know we know. And we only found out bc I wanted the file
BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013
Thank you. I will look into that.
BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013
I didnt even think to go to Legal on base bc I didnt think they coud help with anything. Perhaps they can give guidance and or draft a letter? I think it might look more "legit" if a letter comes from another legal institution than just from DH.
BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013