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December 2012 Moms
TiaS16
member
WWYD?
TiaS16
member
My husband informed me two days ago that I could be a stay at home mom if I wanted to.
Now this had been discussed a few times over the course of this pregnancy and it was always decided that we needed both of our incomes.
My response to this was 'seriously?' to which he informed me that he had given himself a raise (owns his own businesses) and that we would be more than fine on just his income...after all we've been living on just his income for the last 6 months,(news to me) since I hadn't switched my direct-deposit from one account to the other...so we have 6 months of my paychecks saved...
I told him I would think about it. I'm a elementary school teacher, and I have every intention of finishing this school year after I come back from maternity leave...but we are on yearly contracts and I'll have to decide in March if I'm teaching the following school year...
The point of my rambling is to ask...What would you do? I know there are benefits and drawbacks to staying at home, just as there are going to work...
I've always worked, doing various things for my parents businesses since I was little, babysitting, various jobs through high school, college, grad school...I can't imagine not working.
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Re: WWYD?
I have been both a working mom, and a SAHM, and I prefer to stay at home. I never got any pleasure from working, it was just a pay cheque to me. Staying home makes me happy and so since we are able to live quite comfortably on one income, that's what we do. The kids love it and so does DH.
That said, when the kids are older and LO is in school full time, I will probably look into a part time job close to home.
To answer the all PP questions:
no, I can't take a leave of absence
it's a really small town/school. I'm using FMLA right now to have leave at all, since we are only given 14 paid days off. I'm sure I could get hired back on again whenever I wanted to come back, but the school I'm at is 70 miles, one way, from my house...that's a lot of commuting with a little one.
yes, my husbands business is very stable and has benefits...as the owner he has everything. And yes, you can go back to teaching fairly easily, I just would need to maintain my teaching certificate, which I haven't looked into yet. I might have enough continuing education hours now...
Yes, the social thing is HUGE for me, I'm a hyper-active extrovert, so I love interacting with adults. Now, I teach first grade, and so I spend 98% of my workday with 20+ loud 6-8 year olds
so, there isn't a lot of adult interaction except for before and after school...but I married an introvert, so work is where I get most of my socialization.
I have sort of looked at working from home. There is an online school program, k12.com, where I could actually teach from home...and that is seriously tempting.
Thanks for all the input ladies!!
Obviously you and your DH need to have a real conversation about what life would look like if you were to stay home, and how long you'd be able to do it. Does you job as a teacher offer the security to take a year off and then come back, for example. Will you guys find yourselves in need of your income but because of budget cuts in the schools you not be able to work? Why about going part time? Or subbing? I'm sure these are all questions you are asking yourself already.
Personally, I'd do whatever it takes to stay home, but that's always been my dream. More realistically for our life though, when my DH gets a job that has benefits, I'll probably step down from fulltime nursing and go to per diem and try to work one or two days a week to bring some money in and to keep my skills up and to keep my job.
Whatever you decide, good luck! And way to go for your DH for working hard to keep you guys financially on track and to give you a good savings and what sounds like a really solid financial path. That would be a huge relief in itself to me!
My concerns if I were given that choice would be along the lines of, what if something happened to DH or the business; what would be my options then for supporting my family? I personally find security in both of us having incomes and sources of medical insurance. Have thought in the past that I could be a teacher's aide at a private school if had a LO and needed more time at home, however the pay and benefits would be minimal in comparison to my current position that it probably would not be financially viable unless LO got a significant tuition reduction and I wanted her in that particular school. Then again, I never had the intention of going part time (i.e. job sharing) or no time or taking a leave of absence for these reasons...
1. We prefer my health benefits over those DH gets through work, and need two incomes.
2. Depending upon length and timing ... taking extended family leave or a leave of absence in general, would save a place for me in the district, but not at the site I am currently at ... current school is 8 mins (at most) from home where as other schools in my district be up to 40 minutes from my house. We live in the district that I teach in, and I already transferee from a further school to the closer school and gained 5 hours each week by eliminating the commute. ... From what I recall you saying, you have a long commute that you would essentially need to pay for day care during that drive time (not to mention the wear and tear on the car, and would be tough if LO got sick during the day and you were not able to be there for a significant period of time due to the drive... would your DH or a family member be able to get there sooner?)
3. Personally, at this point, I would not consider going part time because I have seen other teachers have extreme difficulty getting back to full time and it messes with seniority, tenure, and years of service credit when it is time to retire. If your school is year to year though, then you have different circumstances. You could be a substitute when your LO is older, at schools closer to where you live, and decide from there if/when going back more full time is an option.
4. Job market for teachers is very tight since class size reduction was eliminated for the most part. Also they change the credentialing requirements from time to time and if you are not already teaching in the particular position after they have made changes, they won't let you transfer into that position without meeting the new requirements. But taking a leave of absence or doing a job share would save a spot for you until you're ready to go back.
5. When the time frame for retirement comes along, I don't want to be one of those teachers who is grumpily forced to stay in for a couple more years, working through health problems, or feeling stuck because I have to reach some magic number of years taught.
GL in your thoughts and decision making. Would suggest taking things more slowly though and holding the spot for yourself as long as possible to make sure the numbers work out how he is thinking.
DD 12/20/99, DS 12/14/12, M/C 9/2014, M/C 1/2015
I am a certified Elementary school teacher as well. I currently am a SAHM.
Let me state that I am absolutely obsessed with my baby girl. She is the love of my life. Sometimes I wonder how I am ever going to love this one as much! (although I'm sure I will).
That being said, I miss teaching. I miss the kids, I miss the crazy lesson plans, I miss the school plays, I miss the recess time playing with the kids, I miss gabbing with the teachers about the crazy principal.... I just miss being Mrs (last name).
When you become a SAHM, you lose a big part of yourself. If you are used to working and having your own identity, it will be very difficult to make the transition.
Also, I don't know what state you are in, but my state is NOT hiring teachers. Quite the opposite actually- over 7,000 laid off in my city alone. The state is broke (as is our country's region) and there is no end in sight for public education. My point is that it isn't always "easy" to get back into teaching, especially when you have to renew your liscense every few years.
If I were you, I'd stay in your school. You will have plenty of breaks throughout the year to be with your child and you get the bonus of having your own identity/extra money/security.
**Also, I couldn't have imagined leaving LO with anyone else besides me when she was first born. However, she is now 1.5 and I kind of wish she had another outlet. Daycare costs too much for her to just go a few days a week for social interaction and lessons, but she's still too young for most church programs. Daycare can be a really great thing (if you pick an academic learning program, not just a "babysitting" daycare).
If you need to keep busy but would like to stay home with LO, the above sounds like it might work well!
DH and I busted our butts to pay off our debt and have a savings so I could be a SAHM. Because of some traumatic things that happened to me while in daycare as a child, I would NEVER put my children in daycare. Not to mention the fact that I don't want anyone else deciding how to raise my children at least one-third of each workday.
There are many social groups for moms, playdates, women...if you're willing to put yourself out there. GL to you - I think you have a priceless opportunity a lot of women would kill for.
I miss my job (I've not worked since June) and the transition from that identity to a SAHW has been tough but once these babies come, I have a sneaking suspicion that my identity will once again be full and in tact
I would JUMP on this opportunity!!! What about finish up the school year. Dont sign a yearly contract.. But do subbing? Do they ever have sub jobs that have more then 24 hr notice? That'd be hard for finding someone to watch the baby, but then you'd still be able to work now an then & still have some sort of income..
Your commute alone would leave me looking for other opportunities. 70 miles one way is a hike without daycare drop off and such.
I would have another conversation where you and YH really talk it out. List all the pros and cons and set up a budget etc.. in the event you do stay home.
As for losing one's identity becoming a SAHM, yes it can happen. However, I do believe finding good resources help. If you do SAH, I suggest looking for MOMs groups, baby classes, etc... to get you out and about. The hardest thing for me that first year transitioning from teaching to being a SAHM was the social aspect. I made some great friends at a mommy & me exercise class, that I have since stayed close nearly 5 years later. Now, I made my closest mommy friend at the local library of all places!
Good luck!