Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: Do you have to get a C section 2nd time?
You can absolutely try for a vbac if 1) your doctor is supportive of vbac (or your find one who is) and 2) you are a good candidate.
If you always had to have c/s after the first, the phrase vbac (vaginal birth after cesarean) wouldn't exist.
Where I live there are some OB's/Hospitals that will not allow VBACs under any circumstances. Once a c-section always a c-section at one particular hospital here that I know of for sure.
My OB and the hospital I deliver at allows VBAC's but only after one c-section. I've had two c-sections so she won't allow me to have a VBAC with this third baby (I wouldn't want one anyway).
As PP said, it also depends on if you're a good candidate. My first was breech and I had no other issues, so I would have been good to try a VBAC.
Nope, no need for another c/s if you've had one. Most women are good candidates, in all honesty. A huge factor in VBAC success is how much your provider supports your decision, so finding someone who's pro-VBAC is important.
This is a good overview about VBAC vs. c/s: https://www.childbirthconnection.org/article.asp?ck=10211&ClickedLink=293&area=27
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
If you believe what you hear that once you have a c/s the rest have to be a c/s, why do you think there's such thing as a vbac??
bfp#4 3/19/2014 edd 12/1/2014 please let this be the one!
beta @ 5w0d = 12,026! u/s 4/22/14 @ 8w1d it's twins!
Talk to your doctor about your options. As PP's said you do have an option to VBAC if it is allowed by hospitals, doctors, etc and you are a good candidate.
You have to look at the reasons your first resulted in a CS. For me it was GD and HBP which necessitated an induction. My failed induction resulted in CS. For my next go-round it will depend on my BP and if I get dx with GD again. If I do not have those issues, I will attempt to go as long as I can and try a VBAC. If I do have those issues, my health is at stake and I will do a repeat CS.
So it all depends, but you do have options!
Check with your OB. If you have a traditional cut on the inside (horizontal) you should* be able to have a VBAC. If you have the old style cut on this inside (vertically) you may not.
* again check with your ob
My first daughter's birth was an unplanned c-section. My second daughter's birth was a successful VBAC. If you want a VBAC, talk to your OB. If your OB doesn't seem supportive, seek a second opinion. Look for OBs/MWs in your area that are known to be VBAC supportive. I'd also check out what your hospital's policies are for VBACs. Some are great. Some are very restrictive. Do some research. Compare risks for repeat c-sections vs VBAC to make sure you feel comfortable with either decision. Ask questions on the VBAC board. There are some really great and supportive women on there.
A VBAC is a very real option, although you may need to switch doctors if yours is not supportive (having a supportive OB or midwife is critical). I was not considered a good candidate and given 20-25% chance of success but did have a successful VBAC and am hoping for another in February. My OB was willing to do a pitocin induction because I had begun to dilate/efface on my own and I didn't need cervadil (which is contraindicated in VBAC, pitocin is not).
I had a reasonably easy recovery from my c-section but the VBAC was still far easier on me and I'm glad I chose that route and hope I am successful with it this time as well. It's not for everyone, but I personally felt that if I could avoid a surgery I wanted to try. I would suggest looking up the ICAN network and looking at the ACOG recommendations, which support trying for VBAC rather than opting for a c-section for most women.