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Adoption
CaptainSerious
member
I'm so glad this work week is over
CaptainSerious
member
in Adoption
I made it through. It started out okay, with me just constantly counting the days. M has his FASD evaluation on Wednesday, and I've been counting the days since December started until that day comes. But yesterday, things turned ugly.
I actually wrote a list of all the things we're currently struggling with entitled "Reasons Right Now Sucks" so that I could stop obsessing over everything. When I focus on one thing, I am worried that I'll let the others slip through the cracks, so making a list helped me stop feeling like I had to keep them all at the front of my mind at all times, and made it easier for me to be able to focus on other things, like everyday life and work. My husband's had work functions late each of the last three nights, so at home it's just been me, and that's adding to it too, because I just haven't had the time to decompress (except when everyone else is sleeping) and I haven't really had him around to talk things through with.
I can't believe I'm posting this, but here's my list:
- M most likely has FASD - and I'm worried not only what that means for his future, but also that we might not get the diagnosis because we can't prove his mother drank while she was pregnant.
- I most likely have prediabetes - I went to see a new doctor in my practice yesterday, because my doctor retired unexpectedly, and I need a prescription refill, and he told me that my bloodwork from June 2011 (the last I had done) shows me at the lowest level for prediabetes. I always expected it (my mother and grandmother had it), but not yet. I'm only 38. I agreed to be retested a month or so after the holidays (since i usually eat pretty low carb, but let myself enjoy more during the holidays). I know prediabetes can be reversed, and I haven't been the healthiest during the last several years, but this sucks and I haven't been able to enjoy a single bite I put into my mouth since then, even the healthy stuff, because I am constantly evaluating and thinking about the consequences
- J is sick again, and the doctor keeps prescribing the same combinations of too many medications, which didn't work the last time. We knew he has had recurring sinusitis since birth, but he literally has been on medications since September, and hasn't been able to get better. They just keep mixing different combinations of the same 7 medications hoping for success, and I know we need a different approach
- We have an IEP meeting for M on Tuesday morning, and the school and district are already posturing. My friend, who used to work as a parent advocate is participating in the meeting, and its clear the school/district isn't pleased we called this meeting and will fight us. It's ridiculous, because all we want to do is change the set-up of his speech (so it's more push-in than pull-out and they let him do it during Spanish) and change the IEP to reflect the fact that a special education teacher, not a para, is assisting him during the time he's mainstreamed. They don't know the specifics of why we called the meeting, but I'm sure the latter is what they will protest. We need it in writing, though, so we don't have to fight the same battle again next year. They are already doing it, the IEP should reflect the actual accommodations he's getting.
- J is not bonding well to us and is becoming more difficult to reach emotionally or behaviorally. He's completely integrated as a member of the family, but has a wall up that won't let us in or let him need us.
- My sister-in-law, who I don't particularly get along with didn't take Christmas Eve off, which is always when my family celebrates, and typically when we see her and my brother (then they spend Christmas Day with her family). Now I am being asked how we should work around her schedule, which I can't, because we are hosting my husband's family for the entire holiday week (they are coming all the way from Alabama to Vermont), and I will be the one branded as inflexible and uncaring for not accommodating her.
- I have to find new doctors for me and my husband, which I hate to do, but since mine retired, I'd like someone closer to home (mine was near where I work, an hour away from home)
- I have to find a new doctor for the boys, and with their complicated histories, that's not easy
- I finally get the government involved and get our neighbor's bird squawk box stopped at home (electronic simulation of crows designed to keep nesting birds away, but incredibly loud and disturbing to our peace)...only for a similar contraption to start being used by one of the buildings at work (although much quieter)!
I am looking so forward to a weekend filled with lots of free-time to wrap gifts and get ready for Christmas. Next week will by crazy busy at work, especially since I have the IEP meeting one morning and will be taking Wednesday of for M's evaluation. On top of that, I am sure Tuesday and Wednesday will both be highly emotional. If I can get through next week too, Santacon (our annual Santa romp through NYC) is on Saturday, and that will be a great way to blow off steam. So that's what I'm focused on now. Getting as much Christmas preparations done this weekend as possible, and just surviving next week. Then, it will be one more week until the holidays, and I just pray that I've come to terms with all this by then so I can enjoy.
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Re: I'm so glad this work week is over
(( Hugs )) I completely understand why you are having a rough time, that is a lot to face at once. I love lists, I think they make things so much more manageable. I think you should definitely revise this list next week after the FASD and IEP evaluations so you can focus on your concerns and come up with a plan of action so to speak. You are an amazing mom and you are fighting for those kids like nobody's business, things will get better for you,I know it.
Also I would give yourself permission to take your SIL off the list of things to worry about. It is her issue that she has decided not to take off Christmas Eve and it is most definitely not your fault or your job to make her holidays easier. Focus on the ones that give you joy, just think if you turned yourself into a pretzel bending to accommodate her, she wouldn't be grateful right? Do what's best for you and banish the guilt, you deserve to have a merry Christmas too.
Again, (( Hugs )) if there's anyone that can handle this, it's you. Be strong and after next week you can relax a little and enjoy Santacon : )