STM+ moms, let's talk sleep.

annetastic071710 · December 2012

(Sorry if this is a repeat.)

I have two friends who swear by Babywise. On one hand it seems kind of extreme and on the other hand, having a kid who sleeps through the night by 4 months is pretty tempting! That's when I have to go back to work and being able to sleep through the night at that point is super tempting! I've also heard good things about Baby Whisperer.

I believe in making the baby part of our family rather than having our schedule/lives revolve around her. But I also want to do what is best for her.

I know every family is different, and every kid is different, but I am just looking for opinions and advice.

TIA.

karen_loy · December 2012

IMO the sleeping through the night before 5-6 months depends totally on the baby and not on any sleep method, for instance DS was sleeping midnight to 6am at 6 weeks and STTN (9.30, 10 to 6, 6.30) before even being 3m old; we didn't use any kind of sleep method (we were just very, VERY blessed!)

When he was a bit older, around 8m I think, he started to wake up during the night (growth spurt, separation anxiety, wanting to be re-pacied...) so we used a modified Ferber and it worked in just a few days; at 9,5m we ued CIO to take away the paci and it worked in just 1 day and 1 night, so my point is: you just need to wait until LO gets here, see how his sleep patterns are and take it from there

sbevmc09 · December 2012

We never sleep trained DS and he's always been a good sleeper. I don't think sleep is something that needs to be taught. If baby is awake there's a reason. We let DS put himself on a schedule and stuck to our routines and never had issues minus some normal sleep regressions that worked themselves out.

Now, I do recognize that some kids are going to be more difficult and need a little more direction but I wouldn't consider taking a harsher approach until much closer to 1yr. Also the ability to self soothe doesn't develop until at least 46mo so IMHO CIO before then is just cruel. I also wouldn't touch Babywise. It has been revamped but original editions have been linked to failure to thrive because of their ridiculous suggestion to sleep train newborns. Even though the rec has changed a bit from that the author isn't exactly someone I want to be taking advice from. There are other options.

jessrenee11 · December 2012

Yeah I fed when DD needed to be fed and she slept when she needed to sleep. She eventually got to where we were all on the same schedule but I would never ever force a sleep schedule on a baby.

Even now she doesn't always sleep when its nap time or bed time but she will play in her bed or room quietly. It all works out, you just need to learn to go with the flow.

Oh and we did CIO for a little bit but not until she was 6-7 months old

BigFoot80 · December 2012

I'm a firm believer in feeding your baby when they're hungry. At 4 months, they still need and want you and cannot soothe themselves. Why make them suffer so you can get a few extra hours of sleep? I feel like baby will STTN when they are ready and not a day earlier.

drpayne · December 2012

BigFoot80:
I'm a firm believer in feeding your baby when they're hungry. nbsp;At 4 months, they still need and want you and cannot soothe themselves. Why make them suffer so you can get a few extra hours of sleep? I feel like baby will STTN when they are ready and not a day earlier.

This. No way in hell would I go by baby wise. I'm pretty middle of the road and we did use Ferber at 7 months. I'm not anti sleep training at all but baby wise is just cruel.

stardust317 · December 2012

DD was an amazing sleeper, and we never had issues STTN. With that being said, I think sleep training of any sort is for babies over 6 months old.

Reyka9 · December 2012

PP was correct about Babywise being linked to failure to thrive. I believe the AAP has even come out against it.

I never sleep trained DS and instead BFed him on demand, and now he is an amazing sleeper. I forget what age he started consistently STTN but at any rate, he sleeps 10 to 12 hours straight every night along with a 2 to 4 hour nap every afternoon.

PatsyGK21 · December 2012

I plan to feed him when he's hungry and let him sleep when he wants to sleep. I dont like the idea of "training" your baby to sleep. It feels very dog-like to me. I was reading up on sleep training and someone (I forget the blog) said to put baby in the crib at two weeks, and that's kind of when I was like "wait a minute, why am I reading what everyone else thinks I should do?! I will find what works for me and my family and stick with it!" I also firmly believe that when the baby comes mama will just know what's right, you will figure it all out.

Magenta728 · December 2012

drpayne:
BigFoot80:
I'm a firm believer in feeding your baby when they're hungry. nbsp;At 4 months, they still need and want you and cannot soothe themselves. Why make them suffer so you can get a few extra hours of sleep? I feel like baby will STTN when they are ready and not a day earlier.
This. No way in hell would I go by baby wise. I'm pretty middle of the road and we did use Ferber at 7 months. I'm not anti sleep training at all but baby wise is just cruel.

Yes Yes

eSynergy · December 2012

I kind of skimmed BabyWise with DS#1, and used some of the techniques. Mainly the sample "schedules" once he got to be 6-8 weeks old (the eat, play, sleep routine). I don't remember too much about the book other than that. What helped us with sleep was doing "dream feeds" --- around 12 weeks we started a nighttime routine (bath, book, bottle) around 7pm, then did a dream feed at 11:00 when we went to bed. It helped stretch out his sleeping until 4-5am some nights. No matter what book you read, you'll need to adapt to your own baby.

I think it's best to do everything on-demand in the very beginning and not stress about a schedule until he/she is a few months old. Even then you need to be flexible.

germswif E · December 2012

sbevmc09:
We never sleep trained DS and he's always been a good sleeper. I don't think sleep is something that needs to be taught. If baby is awake there's a reason. We let DS put himself on a schedule and stuck to our routines and never had issues minus some normal sleep regressions that worked themselves out. Now, I do recognize that some kids are going to be more difficult and need a little more direction but I wouldn't consider taking a harsher approach until much closer to 1yr. Also the ability to self soothe doesn't develop until at least 46mo so IMHO CIO before then is just cruel. I also wouldn't touch Babywise. It has been revamped but original editions have been linked to failure to thrive because of their ridiculous suggestion to sleep train newborns. Even though the rec has changed a bit from that the author isn't exactly someone I want to be taking advice from. There are other options.

agree.

BLPL101 · December 2012

Almost all of my friends have used Baby Wise and it worked great for them. I don't know if I'm going to follow it though.

mommysd · December 2012

I don't have a book to recommend. I read a couple but we ended up kinda going with the flow with our first. We didn't keep a strict schedule just went off of her. If she was tired we'd put her to sleep, if not we didn't force her. I started reading baby wise but the midwife who taught our childbirth ed class highly recommended NOT using that method. Something about babies not thriving and if followed to strict could lead to negative effects on babies health. That is just what we were told.

KatieJ113 · December 2012

We have never used them and don't plan to.

pghctwife · December 2012

Babywise is very controversial and IMO dangerous. Beyond that, it is basically the opposite of my personal parenting philosophy. Im not a believer in a super scheduled baby, and as a nursing mom, I don't think it supports that relationship.

IMO and IME sleeping is largely about the baby and not the method you employ. Some kids are good sleepers and some aren't.

Both DH and I were raised with looser routines and that is what we have done with our son. I let him take the lead on a lot of things from when to nurse, how much and how long, and weaning to watching him for signs of tiredness etc. I probably fall more toward the other end of the spectrum! I have gently nudged him and worked with him to get him to sttn when i felt he was able to and just needed help.

Ill add that I believe that emotional needs are real and valid and as important as physical needs. Something as harsh as baby wise I do not believe supports ababys emotional needs to have mom and dad respond when they cry. For an infant I think that is a crucial thing to learn. JMO.

stewz · December 2012

Love Love Love Baby Whisperer! I used with dd and will use it with ds. It's about a schedule and learning your baby's cues. I'm not in to baby wise. I read it with dd and just couldn't do it.

IsaiahGirl · December 2012

I had a few friends who SWORE by Babywise and insisted I look into it. One of them had the most in-depth journal I have ever seen. I couldn't bring myself to do it - I'm with the others who say feed the baby when needed.

One of the best pieces of advice I got that I really did follow (from someone else) was to make sure baby is flexible - while my life will revolve around the newborn for awhile, it won't always. If you truly follow Babywise, your life completely revolves around baby's schedule for much, much longer.

Without following a schedule, DD was sleeping 5 - 6 hour stretches by 6 weeks. Doing a nighttime routine helped as well - I think we did bath and then bottle - it gave her clues that it was time for the long sleep.

janecanadian · December 2012

Before DD was born I read baby whisperer and really liked the idea of setting up a routine. Important to stress that it is a ROUTINE and not a SCHEDULE.

It allowed me to know exactly how the day would look based on what time DD woke up. Granted, we didn't start it right away. I started by writing down when DD fed, how long she was awake and then how long she slept. Keeping the EASY pattern from the BW in mind. This definitely helped us develop an awesome routine. From this I could easily plan outings, and DD and I thrived on the predictability of the day.

I know that many people prefer the feed baby on demand and let it sleep when it's tired thing, but seriously the chaos that comes of that just didn't interest me at all!! Watching my friends waiting for their babies to look sleepy and finally put them down for naps seemed to result in overtired babies fighting sleep. With the baby whisperer, they give you tips to recognize when baby is tired even before they look sleepy. My mom would be over and I would see the cues and know it was time to put her down and my mom would laugh and say "well she doesn't look tired at all". But I would pick up DD go put her down and she would be out without a fight. Seriously the Baby Whisperer saved my sanity!! We also did the dream feed as recommened in the Baby Whisperer and it worked like a charm! DD slept through the night (7-8) hours right from the beginning. If we ever didn't do the dream feed she would wake up in the middle of the night and need to feed. The dream feed basically took the place of the middle of the night feeding, but allowed everyone to get a nice stretch of sleep.

Anyways, that's my two cents. I know that the BW doesn't work for everyone. You have to find a method that resonates with you and that works for your baby.

Todd&Laura · December 2012

BigFoot80:
I'm a firm believer in feeding your baby when they're hungry. nbsp;At 4 months, they still need and want you and cannot soothe themselves. Why make them suffer so you can get a few extra hours of sleep? I feel like baby will STTN when they are ready and not a day earlier.

This.

pghctwife · December 2012

IsaiahGirl:
I had a few friends who SWORE by Babywise and insisted I look into it. One of them had the most in-depth journal I have ever seen. I couldn't bring myself to do it - I'm with the others who say feed the baby when needed.
One of the best pieces of advice I got that I really did follow (from someone else) was to make sure baby is flexible - while my life will revolve around the newborn for awhile, it won't always. If you truly follow Babywise, your life completely revolves around baby's schedule for much, much longer.
Without following a schedule, DD was sleeping 5 - 6 hour stretches by 6 weeks. Doing a nighttime routine helped as well - I think we did bath and then bottle - it gave her clues that it was time for the long sleep.

second paragraph - so true for us. In general my son needs his nap in the early afternoon, though sometimes he is ready sooner and sometimes he stays up later. I have to say that a little flexibility really makes life easier on the weekends etc! Im so glad we don't have to live and die by a nap schedule, which many moms of toddlers do. Ditto on bedtime.

Ill add that following your child's cues for sleep doesn't mean you are waiting until they are overtired and keeling over. I know my son quite well and pick up on the cues that it is time well before that. And there has only been literally one time where we put him down too late and he fought sleep etc as a result of being overtired... and that was because of outside factors. Now he naps and goes to bed beautifully! Even for babysitters etc

Schedule vs 'routine' for older infants and toddlers is totally to each their own. For me, a looser routine feels much more natural and right but every family has to do what works for them. First 6 months of life though, I just don't think they are capable (beyond getting lucky with a good sleeper regardless) or that it is healthy physically or emotionally to have a regimented schedule with sleep training.

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