When is it ok...

joie12 · December 2012

to leave LO in the car by themself?

EmmaBoBemma's FFFC on leaving a napping baby in the car, plus the whole shopping cart thing, made me wonder if I'm too relaxed about leaving her in the car?

If she falls asleep on the way home from daycare, and it's above 50 outside, I will absolutely leave her in the car to finish her nap. I park in the driveway by the kitchen window, and check on her every 5-10 minutes. Last night, I realized I'd left her lunch bag at daycare. It was below 40 outside. After wrestling her into the seat, I really didn't want to wrestle her out and then back in again, so I left her in the (running) carin the parking lot while I ran to the door. I was never more than 15 feet from the car, and it only took 2 minutes tops. Is that flameworthy?

NM86 · December 2012

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/30/mother-leaves-her-kids-in_n_2217766.html

naturegal79 · December 2012

NM86:

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/30/mother-leaves-her-kids-in_n_2217766.html

90 minutes!!!! Um, ya that's just stupidity!!!! Stuff like this makes me sick.

NM86 · December 2012

It's an extreme example...but makes you re-think if you should leave your baby in the car even for a few minutes.

kittyh8r · December 2012

NM86:
It's an extreme example...but makes you re-think if you should leave your baby in the car even for a few minutes.

Eh...it doesn't make me re-think it. This woman was an idiot. If it's too cold/hot to leave your child in the car...you shouldn't do it. So that means no turning the car on to leave them in there. She obviously wasn't watching either. AND 90 MINUTES? Seriously, this woman makes me furious!

When I leave Emma in the car, it's comfortable weather, I can see the car, and I always go and check on her every 10 minutes or so. She slept in the car for 45 minutes once and I ended up waking her up because I didn't want to wait by the window anymore.

This is like the parents who leave their child unattended in a bumbo seat on the counter...bumbo seats aren't dangerous...just the stupid parents.

MrsLindinger0905 · December 2012

If I need to stop for gas or something to drink when she's with me I go to the Kroger gas station. The attendant window is outside and I park at the closest pump possible, so if I leave her in I'm always very close and I never have to go inside. I've also left her in the car in the garage to finish a nap, but I usually stay in the garage with her.

I do not think it's ok to leave her in the car and go inside a building anywhere, no matter what the tempurature or length of time is. I live in a big city where lots of crazy sh!t happens daily and I am not willing to chance anything!

michelle7482 · December 2012

I live in a big city and I would NEVER, EVER leave her in the car. Last Friday on our way to her 9 mo. appt, I realized I left my phone at home. I took her back in the house with me and sure it was a big PITA, but I don't mind inconviencing myself, for my child's safety. For me, it's all about prevention. If I can prevent something bad or dangerous from happening, I'm gonna do it every.single.time.!!

Jen0204 · December 2012

I would never leave them in the car. I mean, they're obviously in the car while I pump gas (I pay with a credit card so I'm never away from the car) and I've left them in the car while I bring groceries to the door of our building, but that's just walking the short distance from the car to the front door. I bring the groceries over, then bring the babies up into the condo, then bring the groceries up. I would never even consider leaving them in the car while napping. If they're napping and I feel like they need it and shouldn't be moved I drive around aimlessly. If I had loaded them up and forgot something important at their daycare I would crack a window, turn off, and lock the car, then run in, but they're also at an in-home daycare and I park in her driveway when I get them and the door to the daycare room is right there so I would be gone for under a minute. It's not something I would ever consider doing, even for a short time. Even though we don't live in a city I just think it's an awful idea. I would be really angry if H ever did it.

Amberrrr · December 2012

NM86:
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/30/motherleavesherkidsin_n_2217766.html

I hate to say it, but I think what this mother did was intentional. There's no way anyone can be that dumb.
There is a major difference between 1 and a half hours, to 2 minutes.
I had to turn around and grab something from inside the house. I went as quick as possible, under one minute and my heart was racing the whole time.

kristin172429 · December 2012

joie12:
Last night, I realized I'd left her lunch bag at daycare. It was below 40 outside. After wrestling her into the seat, I really didn't want to wrestle her out and then back in again, so I left her in the (running) carin the parking lot while I ran to the door. I was never more than 15 feet from the car, and it only took 2 minutes tops. Is that flameworthy?

Sorry, but yes. I would consider this flame-worthy. There are too many of these stories: https://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/Missing-Boy-Connecticut-Bristol-Stolen-Car-Safe-182522051.html I would never, ever leave my child in a running car and go inside a building.

Jen0204 · December 2012

kristin172429:
joie12:
Last night, I realized I'd left her lunch bag at daycare. It was below 40 outside. After wrestling her into the seat, I really didn't want to wrestle her out and then back in again, so I left her in the (running) carin the parking lot while I ran to the door. I was never more than 15 feet from the car, and it only took 2 minutes tops. Is that flameworthy?
Sorry, but yes. I would consider this flame-worthy. There are too many of these stories: https://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/Missing-Boy-Connecticut-Bristol-Stolen-Car-Safe-182522051.html I would never, ever leave my child in a running car and go inside a building.

I agree, I just don't see why at the very least you wouldn't turn off the car and lock it.

sooner1981 · December 2012

The short answer, for me, is never (except when I am pumping gas and standing next to the car the whole time). If I forget something inside after I have already strapped C in, I go through the whole drill of unstrapping her and taking her in with me because I just know that weird things can happen. If I left her in the car, I could be inside and someone could come by and steal my car with her in it. She could choke in the backseat on something, and I wouldn't be able to hear her... I just would never be comfortable with that--because I think I would always second guess myself if any of those scenarios happened! It isn't that I think other people are necessarily bad parents who leave their kids in the car for a quick minute. It is just that I know we shouldn't, so if I did and something bad happened, I would never get get over intentionally putting her in that situation.

Also, on a related topic, I read an article in the Washington Post ( https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/27/AR2009022701549.html?wpisrc=newsletter&sid=ST2009030602446 ) about leaving your kid in the car that forever changed the way I look at "hot car deaths." We talked about it last Spring on this board--but it is just horrifying to realize that we are ALL potentially susceptible to doing this.

But the following article says that kids aren't really safe in the car in any temperature (even if the 50s and 60s). Your car is essentially just a giant greenhouse that traps heat VERY effectively.

https://www.cnn.com/2012/07/12/living/hot-car-deaths-parenting/index.html

"Babies and young children are not able to regulate their body temperatures well -- warming at a rate three to five times faster than an adult -- especially in a car, where the windows create a greenhouse effect. In just half an hour, a car's interior can get 35 degrees hotter. Depending on such factors as what color he's wearing and when he last drank something, an infant might die of hyperthermia in just 15 minutes on a 75-degree day.

Cooler weather is no guarantee of safety, either. Overly bundled babies -- warmly dressed and blanketed in their car seats -- have been known to succumb when outdoor temps were in the 60s or even 50s. And despite popular belief, cracking open a window does little good. That tiny bit of air can't begin to offset the heat that is absorbed by a car's seats, dashboard, and walls."

joie12 · December 2012

I have to say, I think the 212 totally outdid themselves with this thread. Strong opinions, sure, but never any name-calling or snarkiness. Thanks for sharing all of them!

I would clarify a few things from my original post - 1, I live in the country; 2, I never went inside to get the lunchbag from daycare, just rang the doorbell and the DCP brought it out to the door for me.

But, do note that I'm not being defensive about this. Seriously, I do appreciate the input and will definitely be changing my habits!

kayladay · December 2012

joie12:

to leave LO in the car by themself?

EmmaBoBemma's FFFC on leaving a napping baby in the car, plus the whole shopping cart thing, made me wonder if I'm too relaxed about leaving her in the car?

If she falls asleep on the way home from daycare, and it's above 50 outside, I will absolutely leave her in the car to finish her nap. I park in the driveway by the kitchen window, and check on her every 5-10 minutes. Last night, I realized I'd left her lunch bag at daycare. It was below 40 outside. After wrestling her into the seat, I really didn't want to wrestle her out and then back in again, so I left her in the (running) carin the parking lot while I ran to the door. I was never more than 15 feet from the car, and it only took 2 minutes tops. Is that flameworthy?

I wouldn't but it's because crime here happens A LOT and even adults get kidnapped right in front of businesses! That is why I don't always return my cart too, because I put him in the car first for that reason and would never leave him in the car for that reason. If I lived somewhere were adults, and kids, don't get kidnapped a good bit it might be different. Until then, I wouldn't.

kittyh8r · December 2012

Starbuck128:
EmmaBoBemma:
Eh...it doesn't make me re-think it. This woman was an idiot. If it's too cold/hot to leave your child in the car...you shouldn't do it. So that means no turning the car on to leave them in there. She obviously wasn't watching either. AND 90 MINUTES? Seriously, this woman makes me furious!
When I leave Emma in the car, it's comfortable weather, I can see the car, and I always go and check on her every 10 minutes or so. She slept in the car for 45 minutes once and I ended up waking her up because I didn't want to wait by the window anymore.
Is there a reason why you couldn't wait in the car with her? I've spent a fair share of his naps bumping from the front seat while he finishes his naps.

The time she took a 45 minute nap in the car, I was hungry. ha, I ate lunch by the window.

sooner1981 · December 2012

Starbuck128:

I like to say never, but there is one time I do it. I have a series of errands I have to do every week where I'm just in and out of the building within a couple of minutes and I have several of these back to back. Cody gets very frustrated. When it's below 80, I leave him in the car for one of them. He's parked in front of the store front, the car door is open, the car is off, the store front door is open, and I'm about 10 steps away from him, standing directly in front of my car the entire time. I just happen to be technically inside a building. It takes about 2 minutes.

Only once has someone else pulled up in front of the store while I've been there, and the little old lady who pulled up clearly thought it was crazy there was a baby just sitting in the car. She peeked in at him and talked to him before she noticed I was standing about 3 feet away staring at her. lol

I am definitely not flaming, but I work as a volunteer lawyer for kids in DHS custody, and in our town, if a kid is left in a car for any length of time (including one time this year when a woman pumped gas and then went inside the gas station to make a purchase), if someone calls the cops, the child is taken into DHS custody until a full investigation is completed. Now...maybe that is overkill, but the police's rationale is that if that have that rule, then nobody will have to stand next to a car where there is a baby inside and try to "figure out" if the parent is just inside for a minute or really has forgotten the kid in the car. It takes all the guess work out--and there are PSAs throughout the year to always call 911 if you see a kid in a car alone. So, just for the sake of not having your kid end up in foster care for a few weeks, I would say it never makes sense to leave them in the car in public, even just for a minute.

Shawnee11507 · December 2012

I would never leave DS alone in a running car. Leaving him alone depends how far away from the car I am going. If I have to go into the store to pay at the gas station, I take him in with me. If I have to return my grocery cart 3 cars down, I leave him in the car, locked- it is less than 30 seconds. In my driveway- if he is napping, I unload groceries first and take him out last, but I am never out of sight more than 1 minute. We live in a safe neighborhood.

If DS really needs a nap and falls asleep in the car and I don't want to take him out, I either drive around or park and sit in the front seat and read a book (if I have one with me) or bump/facebook from my phone until he wakes up.

sooner1981 · December 2012

Starbuck128:
sooner1981:
Starbuck128:

I like to say never, but there is one time I do it. I have a series of errands I have to do every week where I'm just in and out of the building within a couple of minutes and I have several of these back to back. Cody gets very frustrated. When it's below 80, I leave him in the car for one of them. He's parked in front of the store front, the car door is open, the car is off, the store front door is open, and I'm about 10 steps away from him, standing directly in front of my car the entire time. I just happen to be technically inside a building. It takes about 2 minutes.

Only once has someone else pulled up in front of the store while I've been there, and the little old lady who pulled up clearly thought it was crazy there was a baby just sitting in the car. She peeked in at him and talked to him before she noticed I was standing about 3 feet away staring at her. lol

I am definitely not flaming, but I work as a volunteer lawyer for kids in DHS custody, and in our town, if a kid is left in a car for any length of time (including one time this year when a woman pumped gas and then went inside the gas station to make a purchase), if someone calls the cops, the child is taken into DHS custody until a full investigation is completed. Now...maybe that is overkill, but the police's rationale is that if that have that rule, then nobody will have to stand next to a car where there is a baby inside and try to "figure out" if the parent is just inside for a minute or really has forgotten the kid in the car. It takes all the guess work out--and there are PSAs throughout the year to always call 911 if you see a kid in a car alone. So, just for the sake of not having your kid end up in foster care for a few weeks, I would say it never makes sense to leave them in the car in public, even just for a minute.

The only reason she didn't immediately see me was because I was in the shadow. It's a small store. I can stand at the front counter, lean forward and practically touch my car. By the same logic then, pumping gas and paying at the pump while a baby is still in their seat is reason enough to call CPS. Should I leave him at home when I get gas? My dogs are excellent babysitters.

I am not arguing with you. I just thought the law in our town about this issue was relevant to the discussion. The point is, since she couldn't see you, and only saw the baby, she could have called CPS. Now, you would have been able to explain yourself, but there is a chance that an over-zealous worker might have taken your kiddo for a couple of days. Sounds crazy, but that exact situation happened in our city, where a woman went inside the gas station to pay inside, someone drove up, saw a kid in the car alone, and that baby was taken into DHS custody until the investigation was complete. I just wouldn't risk it--even if I would feel comfortable with my ability to explain the situation so that eventually I would get my kid back.

I don't see how my post had anything to do with leaving your kid at home with the dogs...

fredpuma · December 2012

I read an article about hot car deaths a few months ago. They talked about things like leaving the baby for two minutes and some random completely unforseen emergency happens, your brain thinks 'hey, the baby is in a safe spot, we can leave her there for a short while' and she moves to the back of your mind. Twenty minutes later you realize she's still in the car, and that's enough time for something horrible to have happened.
In that article they talked about a girl who was trapped in her car seat, and it got so hot in the car [sixty degrees outside] that she pulled all of her hair out before she died in the car. I randomly break into tears thinking about this months later. I could never leave Kitty in the car now.

sooner1981 · December 2012

fredpuma:
I read an article about hot car deaths a few months ago. They talked about things like leaving the baby for two minutes and some random completely unforseen emergency happens, your brain thinks 'hey, the baby is in a safe spot, we can leave her there for a short while' and she moves to the back of your mind. Twenty minutes later you realize she's still in the car, and that's enough time for something horrible to have happened. In that article they talked about a girl who was trapped in her car seat, and it got so hot in the car [sixty degrees outside] that she pulled all of her hair out before she died in the car. I randomly break into tears thinking about this months later. I could never leave Kitty in the car now.

Seriously--I read this and then almost threw up. That is why I never leave my kid in the car, even if I am almost 100% sure that something will "only take a minute." Ugg...I might need to take a break from this board for the rest of the day. For some reason, this is my worst fear in the entire world.

fredpuma · December 2012

My sister is visiting from out of town and teased me about locking the baby in the car after we went grocery shopping and dh had to jump in and explain to her that that's pretty much my worst fear. I have horrible nightmares about that stupid article and have broken into panic attacks thinking about it. I'm about to throw up now.

sooner1981 · December 2012

fredpuma:
My sister is visiting from out of town and teased me about locking the baby in the car after we went grocery shopping and dh had to jump in and explain to her that that's pretty much my worst fear. I have horrible nightmares about that stupid article and have broken into panic attacks thinking about it. I'm about to throw up now.

This is me exactly. Like scary exactly. I usually have a very even keel, go with the flow parenting style. But this issue freaks the crap out of me, and I used to get full on hot flashes/sweat through my clothes just thinking about the stories that I read in the Washington Post article I linked to above. I don't know why--I guess it is that you can be a great, loving parent every single day, and then one day make a mistake without any bad intent that winds up in your entire family's life being ruined. I know that applies to pretty much everything in life--but it is the stuff nightmares are made of.

pinkshades05 · December 2012

For us, it is not okay to leave a kid in the car except to get gas and even then, I usually just send DH to get it or wait until the three of us in the car. We have a law against it, but I also agree with the overheating aspect. Nat was constantly sweating in her infant seat from being too hot even when the temperature was 70 degrees. I am also a paranoid mama who would rather go through the trouble of putting her in and out of the car seat than to find something bad happened in my 10 seconds of inattention. I don't judge the moms who walk away for a second or two because I totally understand! But my philosophy is that if I forget something, I will not go back for it unless it is worth taking Nat with me.

Shawnee11507 · December 2012

sooner1981:
fredpuma:
My sister is visiting from out of town and teased me about locking the baby in the car after we went grocery shopping and dh had to jump in and explain to her that that's pretty much my worst fear. I have horrible nightmares about that stupid article and have broken into panic attacks thinking about it. I'm about to throw up now.

This is me exactly. Like scary exactly. I usually have a very even keel, go with the flow parenting style. But this issue freaks the crap out of me, and I used to get full on hot flashes/sweat through my clothes just thinking about the stories that I read in the Washington Post article I linked to above. I don't know why--I guess it is that you can be a great, loving parent every single day, and then one day make a mistake without any bad intent that winds up in your entire family's life being ruined. I know that applies to pretty much everything in life--but it is the stuff nightmares are made of.

I have an irrational fear that DH is going to forget DS in the car one day. I don't think I would ever do it, but DH doesn't pay as much attention to DS as I do and is more forgetful and easily distracted. Since I SAH right now, DH has never driven DS anywhere without me in the car too. When I eventually find a job, I will be at work before DH and it will likely be his job to drop DS off at daycare. I might end up annoying DH and texting him everyday to make sure he dropped DS off and didn't go to work and forget DS was in the back seat and left him there...

NatesLady1309 · December 2012

I haven't quite read to the bottom of the thread but I will confess that I have left DD in the (typically non-running) car in our driveway in her carseat in the case that I have forgotten something inside the house that it will take me 20 seconds to grab. I don't see this as a huge issue and I race right back to her. We don't live in a big city at all and the car to our front door is probably 20 feet away.

That being said, I would not leave her in the car at a gas station and go inside the store part to make a purchase. No way, no how. To me, that's a different situation entirely.

I saw Starbuck say she leaves Cody in the car during one of her errands... that I would totally be OK with seeing how she described the situation. I think it just depends on the situation whether "leaving them in the car" is OK or not. I think there are certainly times where it is fine.

Shmogan09 · December 2012

The only time I have done it is if I forget something in the house that I know is right by the door and even then I will call my mom and have her talk on the phone to Logan while I run back in (doors locked, windows cracked). I figure if something happened in the 30 seconds I am in the house she could call 911 from her cell.

I sit in the car reading my kindle if they are asleep. I am not flaming, I am just way too nervous. I still have a video monitor in Logans room and he is 3 1/2!

I considered doing it at the atm once. I guess if they are strapped in and Logan is talking to my mom nothing could really happen but it still makes me nervous. I would never do it with the car running though. We live in a safe, small little town and my sister jumped out of her car with in running to run a check up to her mother in laws doorstep and someone jumped in and stole her car! I think if you are going to do it you should always lock the doors with the windows cracked.

MrsLindinger0905 · December 2012

fredpuma:
My sister is visiting from out of town and teased me about locking the baby in the car after we went grocery shopping and dh had to jump in and explain to her that that's pretty much my worst fear. I have horrible nightmares about that stupid article and have broken into panic attacks thinking about it. I'm about to throw up now.

My old car had an after market alarm put on it by the previous owners that made the car lock automatically after 45 seconds. I locked myself out of it 3 times before I had Anna. DH tried several times to figure out how to disable the thing, but he couldn't find manuals on it. So when Anna came along I was sooooo paranoid! Thankfully I got rid of the car when Anna was 4 months old, as it had a slew of other issues. I had a habit of leaving my window cracked whenever I was parked so I could easily unlock it if needed, and I still do that with my new car.

MollySm · December 2012

I don't leave Lucia in the car, except when I pump gas. I pay at the pump, and usually stand there and tap and smile at her through the back window. If I'm home and I forget something, I bring her back up with me. I do go get the groceries from the car, with her in the house alone. But only if she's asleep in her crib, and I have the video monitor so I can see her the whole time. And the door by the car doesn't lock from the outside, so there's no way to lock myself out.

laclyn · December 2012

Ok, let me put on my flame retardant suit before I answer. I live in a VERY small town and my house is 20 min outside that very small town in the middle of 140 acres of cows and turkey houses. I leave cooper in the truck, shut off, windows down, in the garage to finish his nap almost daily. Sometimes it's 20 min and sometimes it's 45. I leave the garage door open and never leave the dining room which is right inside the door. I check on him every 5/10 min. I would never do this in 100 degree or 30 degree weather but most days yes. I also can see his face through the baby mirror. He needs sleep and he's perfectly safe so why move him? I have also left him in the truck, not running, and ran 10 feet inside our 2 pump gas station to pay for gas. I guess that's the benefit of rural life and knowing every single person in your Podunk town. Taking off my suit now.

boydstm · December 2012

If the car is in the garage and off I will run in to grab something I forgot, if I know exactly where it is and if I'm pumping gas and paying at the pump, I sit in the car with her and we play till the pump is done. If I leave that car for 2 seconds and someone steals it and/or my child, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. You never know what could happen.

Shmogan09 · December 2012

laclyn:
Ok, let me put on my flame retardant suit before I answer. I live in a VERY small town and my house is 20 min outside that very small town in the middle of 140 acres of cows and turkey houses. I leave cooper in the truck, shut off, windows down, in the garage to finish his nap almost daily. Sometimes it's 20 min and sometimes it's 45. I leave the garage door open and never leave the dining room which is right inside the door. I check on him every 5/10 min. I would never do this in 100 degree or 30 degree weather but most days yes. I also can see his face through the baby mirror. He needs sleep and he's perfectly safe so why move him? I have also left him in the truck, not running, and ran 10 feet inside our 2 pump gas station to pay for gas. I guess that's the benefit of rural life and knowing every single person in your Podunk town. Taking off my suit now.

I don't think the garage is any different than your baby sleeping in a crib in the other room. Actually a car seat is probably safer than crib! Also, I agree about the podunk lifestyle. I went to visit my friend on her ranch and it is amazing how differently they live. She can tan topless in her front yard, her husband will just pee outside while he working on the property, etc. I mean the ranch is so big that there is no way anyone could come within a few miles of their house with them knowing. I imagine when she has a baby she will think nothing of leaving the baby sleeping in the car, whereas for me a few people walk their dogs by my car in the driveway every 10min... totally different!

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