2nd time moms is it wrong?

dclsboo235 · December 2012

Is it wrong for me to be a little upset that my mom doesnt want to come help me after the birth? Or that my father and stepmother would plan a trip for a MaryKay seminar in texas the week im due? We live in Wyoming my hubby says im upset for no reason but im confused. I have a two year old and my hubby isnt gonna be able to get time off for work hes the owner. My mom stayed for a week when my first was born. Im afraid Im not going to be able to handle this after birth. Just need advice.

Magenta728 · December 2012

I don't think it's wrong. I'd be upset too, but it is what it is. Have you expressed the concern to your mom? How did it go when she stayed with you after you had your first LO?

Alyssa102 · December 2012

Don't worry. I am right there with you. My parents up and left for Florida for the winter. I am due on Jan 12, so they said they will be back on Jan 10-20. But that is not much time.

I know I'll have DH's parents to help if I need. I am more worried about DD then a newborn though. I want to make sure she is getting enough attention.

==N== · December 2012

My mom wasnt planning on coming down and I was upset but now that shes decided to come down afterall I told her its better if she waits a little while. I figure Im going to want to get into our new routine, get the hang of breastfeeding and bond with baby for a little while before I have to be hostess.

kimmlet · December 2012

I'm in a similar boat, I know my mom (who lives 10 miles away) isn't going to help me after the birth. It sounds overwhelming but I have been preparing to do it all myself mentally so when the time comes I hope I'll be alright. I'll have DH there to help and I know he will so between the two of us I think we'll be ok.

When my sister had her 3rd baby 6 months ago I couldn't really help her out because I had to work but I did take her kids for a week so that when she got home with the baby she could sort of get back in the swing of infants again without the other kids running around causing headaches. Is there someone that could maybe help watch your older one at least part of the time when you first get home since DH has to work?

dclsboo235 · December 2012

Im just hurt. I havent seen my dad since the 4th and my stepmom didnt even come to the babyshower even though i had changed the date on HER request. It went well with my mom the first time. Im concerned that B isnt going to get attention or that im not going to have the energy to do anything. Im hormonal so i thinks thats part of the reason im upset. When b was born my sil would take him for a couple hours so i coukd get some rest but things have changed since then. Ill just keep trying to be positive. Its just hard. DH had a week off last time too and this time not so much...frusterating!!!

+lisamarie+ · December 2012

I'm lucky enough to have my parents right around the corner, but honestlyn I've never really needed anyone or help after my births. I don't think you shouldn't be upset I guess, but I'm sure you could ask someone to take your 2 year old for a few hours for play dates and such.

2u2wow · December 2012

it's not wrong to be upset but have you asked for her help?

have you just flat out told her you'll need her to come stay with you so she can help with DD1?

maybe she wasn't sure what you wanted ....

it's tough when you can't get any help - who knows what will happen with your delivery...what if you end up with a c section? you'll for SURE need help with both kids in the beginning. i'd just call and ask her again or just TELL her you need her

nycitygirl1 · December 2012

I completely understand why you would want your mom or dad/stepmom to come visit you and help out after the baby is born. Lots of people find this time to be very stressful and enjoy the extra pairs of hands to help babysit, clean, cook, etc.

While having family come take care of things for you after the baby is born is a "nice to have" I don't think it's realistic to automatically expect people to do this for you unless they've already volunteered. Especially since this is your second child and they may assume you know what you're doing now.

Have you had a direct conversation with your parents about how overwhelmed you're feeling? Is it possible they don't know how important it is to you that they are there?

dclsboo235 · December 2012

Ill talk to my mom again. My dad/stepmom its hard to talk to. You can tell them you need them but my stepmom will twist it and play the i didnt know card weve had many dealings in the past unfortunatley most recently with my grandmother i i will try to voice that i will need help better and hopefully someone will help :

bearkatjen · December 2012

I would be upset. I don't expect my parents to help, but they also know that DH will take time off, and that DS will be in daycare, so I'm in a good spot. If I was like you, facing a newborn and a toddler day 1 home, and no help, someone in my circle of support would offer help. That's just too much to handle that early on. Family should be there for family.

TofuMama7 · December 2012

No, I'd be nervous too. I'm more worried this time than last time since I have a toddler to watch and will be recovering from a C-section. Luckily I have lots of family in the area and between mine, DH's and the time DH is taking off I have constant help the first 6 weeks if I want it (which I'm hoping to not need). The main thing I want people for is to help with DS, take him to his regular activities (story time at the library, The Little Gym...) so his routine is as normal as possible and he gets enough attention.

If I were you I'd talk to your mom about your concern about looking after the 2 year old and new baby without your DH being able to help much. Is there a chance someone from your DH's family could come help? If you're not going to be able to have any family there, maybe talk with your DH about hiring someone to come help you with your toddler at least a few days a week.

GL!

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