Should I still try for a VBAC? — The Bump
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Should I still try for a VBAC?

H and I are going to be filing for divorce. We have a 2 year old and another baby on the way in February. I had a CS with my first and was planning a VBAC for this baby but since I'm going to be on my own, I'm wondering if I should abandon the idea of a VBAC and just do a scheduled CS. That way, I know when I need to have someone take care of my DD and I don't have to stress her out if she wakes up without Mommy or something.

One of my friends has offered to be my birth partner if I still want to try for a VBAC but I don't know...it will feel weird not having my H there. It will be even weirder if he IS there though so I don't want that either.

Any suggestions?

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Re: Should I still try for a VBAC?

  • I'm sorry you're going through this right now :(

    Personally, I wouldn't let this impact my plans for a VBAC.  If anything you'll want the shorter recovery time that comes with a vaginal delivery since you're already going to have enough on your plate.  

    With that said, I understand the emotional part of birth and I can see why you're questioning what you want to do.  You just have to decide what's right for you and go for whatever that is.

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  • I would suggest getting a doula to help you through labor.  If $ is an issue you can look for a student doula who will do it at a reduced rate or even free.  Do you have childcare available at short notice?


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  • imagesbevmc09:

    I'm sorry you're going through this right now :(

    Personally, I wouldn't let this impact my plans for a VBAC.  If anything you'll want the shorter recovery time that comes with a vaginal delivery since you're already going to have enough on your plate.  

    With that said, I understand the emotional part of birth and I can see why you're questioning what you want to do.  You just have to decide what's right for you and go for whatever that is.

    All of the above.  This is a tough decision to make.  A RCS will enable you to have more of a schedule but you'll need a lot more help the weeks following (since you can't carry around your 2 year old, have restrictions, etc).  A VBAC is a much shorter recovery, but you'll never know when labor hits.

    I'd probably still plan for the VBAC but there really isn't a right answer here.  Is it possible that your soon-to-be ex could be the one who takes your LO when you go into labor?  Or does he want to be at the hospital when the baby is born?  Build a supportive circle to help you through this time.

    This is a really tough situation.  So sorry you're going through this.

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  • Deciding whether to try a VBAC is a difficult decision, so I can see how you feel like your best-laid plans are now up in the air.  I had a cs with my first, but really wanted to try for a VBAC because I was so scared of the thought of trying to take care of a newborn and a toddler while recovering from a cs.  I felt a lot of pressure from my husband and our families to have a repeat c-section because it was easier for THEM to plan.  I was frustrated, because I felt like no one was thinking about what it would be like for ME after the birth.  But when a friend of mine went into labor a few days before her planned cs and rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night, I was reminded that even planned c-sections aren't always easier or go as planned.  So if you want a VBAC and think it's the best for you, I would look into your options.  I wish I'd had a doula, so I second others' suggestions of looking into one, even if it's a student. If you don't want your ex at the hospital, can he be relied upon to take your daughter in the middle of the night?  Can he take her full-time for some length of time afterward so you can recover?  (Especially if you end up with a repeat cs.)   You still have time to think about this.  Even though I wanted a VBAC, I scheduled a cs for two weeks after my due date so that if I didn't go into labor before then, I already had something on the calendar with the date/time/doctor I wanted.  My doctor was super supportive of me changing my mind.  I could have scrapped the VBAC plans at any time if I had wanted. 

    I know this is a difficult time for you on top of preparing to have another child, so hang in there and know that there's a community here supporting you.

     

     

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  • Sorry that you're going through a divorce. I would still try a vbac, especially in your circumstance just because recovery is so much faster and easier in most cases with a vaginal birth. Plus, at least with my vbac, it was an emotionally freeing experience...you may find the process of labor and pushing keeps your mind occupied with baby and off of your husbands absence.
    daughter born June 2011 via C-Section, son born November 2012 via VBAC
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