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Attachment Parenting
anna7602
member
AP & Working outside the home
anna7602
member
On another board I am on, there was some chatter recently about AP being perceived as anti-working outside the home while children are young. Basically, that one parent should be home with the child and that nannies/daycare and even extended family doing regular babysitting are frowned upon. Some people said they babywear, co-sleep, etc., but since they work outside the home don't consider themselves AP.
Do you think this is an accurate perception? I tend to think the world perceives AP as being much stricter than it actually is, but perhaps I live in a bubble.
Please discuss.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: AP & Working outside the home
Well, if it is, I think it's stupid.
I will be returning to work in June after a year off. DD will be going to an in-home daycare with a few other kids and a very loving childcare provider. IF she struggles and IF she has a really (like, I mean REALLY) hard time with daycare, we will cross that bridge then, but I fully expect to remain a very connected and "attached" parent while working.
This is the problem (IMO) in putting labels on something as fluid and individual as parenting. A label implies something rigid and structured, when in reality it is adaptive and non-conforming.
I worked from when DS was 3 months until he was 8 months old, while DH was job hunting, and I worked very hard to have an attached relationship with DS. I pumped every 3 hours, kept his photograph on my desk, and had my screen saver show photos of him. I nursed just before I left for work and immediately upon my return. DS slept with us and I really made the quality of my evening time home with him count. When DH got his job, I decided to stay home. I really didn't feel cut out to be a working mom...it never got easier for me to leave DS, and I am young and not really established in a career that defines me. Being a SAHM has always been my dream.
Staying home has certainly made AP easier, but I would never have not considered myself an AP while I was working. As good parents, we make what sacrifices we have to for the well being of our children, including going to work to support them.
IMO the notion that there are strict "rules" like one parent staying home, or breastfeed, or babywear or bedshare or whatever is ridiculous.
The whole premise of AP is forming a secure attachment with your baby and doing so by using various tools based on what works for your family/situation.
I find myself thinking that people who ascribe to such a rigid set of standards only do so to make themselves feel superior and/or justify their own choices because they feel insecure.
But I think the whole label thing is overrated anyway. Who cares if you meet some random rules to be considered AP? It doesn't change your relationship with your child.
All of this. I work outside the home and I consider my style of parenting to be AP.
I would be completely exhausted if I stayed home. I think a couple sanity shifts a week really help me be a more relaxed mama. With my "grown-up" needs met, I can focus on LO's need alot more easily.
He has blast at the babysitters. I think of it as play-time, not a detriment to our bond or time at home.
When I hear someone is hardcore AP, I do assume they stay home. I think it comes with the territory, but I dont think it is or should be in the "rules"
I appreciate this post! I have always struggled with wondering if I am AP enough, because I do work outside the home. In my ideal world I would work parttime, because I do enjoy my job and being outside of the home for a bit; however that is not the case and I work fulltime.
But I agree with a lot of the other pps in that it is the relationship you have, not the number of hours you spend with your children. I know in my heart I do the best that I can as a mom and put forth as much effort to make sure my sons feel loved and secure. I put a lot of into how I parent them and am always educating myself on how I can be a "better" mom.
I also agree that a "style" of parenting is not a checklist to cross off. I relate more to attachment parenting than anything else, so I consider myself an ap mom.
BFP#1 "Watermelon" born 3/2011
BFP#2 "Pumpkin" 7/14/12 ~ EDD 3/23/13 ~ Natural M/C 8/3/12 @ 7 weeks
BFP#3 "Pineapple" born 4/2013
BFP#4 "Grapefruit" EDD 3/29/16
I don't co-sleep, didn't breastfeed (due to medical reasons), I vaccinate my child, I work full time, & my child goes to daycare. With that being said I wear my child and I do apply some AP methods to how I raise her. I identify more with AP than I do with traditional parenting.
I guess I don't give a fig about how some person I've never met would label my parenting. And I think that people (not saying you are) that get all caught up in "what would dr. sears think" type parenting aren't worrying about the right things. I just make choices that work best for our family and change course if it isn't working.
But I seriously side-eye the notion that you can't be AP and work, or that it's somehow more difficult. Although I'm not entirely sure what you mean by Dr. Sears's version of AP. There are plenty of SAHMs who are not AP. Being present all day doesn't make you an attached caregiver.
Your quote from Dr Sears is his response to a question where the woman is concerned about being recognized as Mom and able to bond with her child similar to a SAHM even though she works outside the home. Working from home or p/t is one suggestion he offers, in a list of different tools to facilitate bonding. I guess I just dont' read that as AP means you must SAH. But more here's an option to explore, same as baby wearing or breastfeeding.
People are entitled to think SAH is a preq or even the best way to "do" AP. Doesn't make them right. Just like lots of people think you have to BF to be AP also not true. But I guess I fail at AP since I don't worship at the Sears altar though. ::shrug::