Sigh - DH advice for delivery room
spainy17
member
OK men. I am in need of your advice or at least your perspective because I am ready to strangle my DH and I need to get inside the male role for a minute.
My husband is not good with hospitals, needles, etc. I am, on the other hand, an ICU nurse. I am due to give birth in six weeks and my DH keeps bringing up how he is going to barf or pass out in the delivery room and how I am probably going to end up "on my own." I finally blew up at him about it because it sounds like he is just freaking himself out about it and I just don't understand how he can't just stay at the head of the bed and focus on me rather than the crazy business going on with my hooha. He says he just wants to warm me in case it happens and thinks I am being insensitive because I am fine with the gross stuff.
How do I deal with this? I have my mother on backup in case he actually does pass out but am i wrong to think he is being a big baby and that he needs to buck up for the birth of his daughter? Or is this a legitimate thing I need to take into account here? I just want to kick him. 
Re: Sigh - DH advice for delivery room
Some people, regardless of gender, just don't fare well in hospitals or with medical stuff. It is just a fact of life. Some people can go into a major surgery and observe, and some people can't take the sight of a single drop of blood. He may be freaking himself out some, but he's also aware of how he is and is at least giving you fair warning.
My wife had a scheduled c-section and the way they had it set up, I would have had to stand to see what was going on, which is fine by me... I didn't want to see them cut open my wife. So take that into mind when I say this, in that I didn't go through it first hand, have him up by your shoulders... and unless you want to see what is going on, make sure there are no mirrors present for him to accidentally catch a glimpse. If you get an epidural, maybe have him leave the room. Hopefully when it comes time to the pushing and such, he can focus on your child being almost here.
My wife and you are both due the same day! Neato.
I am a little nervous too tbh. I don't fare well in the hospitals, needles, etc either. But there is no way in hell I am going to miss the opportunity of a lifetime to witness the birth of my child.
Have you guys taken any birthing classes? We just finished a 4 week long course about it. It gave us a ton of techniques that help us focus our attention on the mother and supporting her. Your husband isn't going to be sitting at the foot of the bed staring up into your birth canal. He should be up with you, trying to keep you calm and help you through it. Dads are there to support you- not just kick back, eat some fritos, and watch the whole thing go down.
I really think by focusing my efforts on my wife during delivery it will help take my mind off of everything going down below.
Maybe it's me, but I think it's great that he is expressing how he feels and it trying to be honest. I think it's also smart for you to have a backup. For now, let him know that your expectations is for him to be at the head of the bed with you and he won't be privy to anything remotely bloody if he follows directions from the nurses and says focused on you.
If he freaks out and passes out, I'm sure if won't be the first time and you will have a back-up. Yeah it sucks that he might miss something or cause a minor disruption in the delivery room, but right now he is being open and honest and that's a good trait in a Dad and he will have 18 years to make it up to your daughter and a lifetime to show you how much he appreciates you and the work you did to deliver her.
In my case, without me and MIL in the delivery room, it would have been a lot harder for MW to deliver since she had one leg on my chest and one on MIL's chest with us holding her legs up to make it easier for her to deliver. Not all hospitals do this but they asked if we wanted to help.
I was there the entire time and saw everything including my son sliding out and having the doctors have to catch him before he hit the ground, and yes he did come out that quickly, no delivering the head then shoulder etc.
Funny! That is exactly how my son flew out of my wife. He actually caught air...I saw it!!! From the time my wife was allowed to start pushing, until he did his BMX impression upon entering this world, it took all of 25 minutes!!
I will admit, I was nervous going in. My wife was not as nervous, but she insisted that I stay by her shoulder during actual delivery. She did not want me to see the "situation" down there and have a lasting image of it, so to speak. We were in the hospital for five overnights because she was induced, so we were beyond tired and anxious by the time it really got going on the 2nd night of being induced (NOT FUN AT ALL FOR MY POOR WIFE....I WILL NEVER FORGET WHAT SHE WENT THROUGH). So by that time, I was totally involved in the entire process. All through labor I was focused on doing whatever was needed to give her relief. Once delivery started, everything we had talked about was out the window. As I worked between getting my wife ice chips and monitoring all the monitors, the whole "stay behind me" idea was long gone. Once the pushing started, I had one leg in my arm, one hand stroking my wife's hair as she was vomiting, and I believe my third arm was getting ice chips to the wife. Yes, I had three arms, I am certain of it!! I saw the boys head as it was crowned, and I saw the path of destruction that was left behind after the birth.
My point is that even as we had discussed that I would not see any of that "stuff", by the time it was game time, my wife and I were the team we always have been, and I was right in the mix, so to speak. And looking back I would not have wanted it any other way. I was squimish before, as we discussed the topic multiple times during the pregnancy, but once the horn blew, it became pretty primal, and I did everything I could do to get our son out safely. Labor and Delivery are not fun, and when a woman is being induced, it really puts a lot of stress on mommy and baby. At one point my wife was taking oxygen because the boy was working too hard and was getting too stressed out. Plans change in that room, and a husband is going to adapt real, real quick!
Once the two of you are in that room, and he sees you start to really go through this, I think he will begin to feel his instincts overpower him as it becomes more primal with every minute passing. I am more grossed by my sons diaper bombs than I was by the blood and fluids of that day in August.
It really is a primal, pre-progammed thing. I never would have believed it so until I went through it myself. My instinct took over that day, and it drove me to care for my family in those first weeks.