About names — The Bump
Adoption

About names

We adopted our children through foster care. We met the family during that time and as we moved towards adoption, both sides expressed a desire for an open adoption. The family abruptly moved and we are finalizing the adoption this month. We have had both children since birth and have given them names. Now that the adoption is final, we would like to contact the family and arrange a visit. I am extremely nervous about telling them we gave them new names. I am just afraid it will be upsetting and they won't understand. What domyou think would be the best way to say it? I plan on telling her through email before we actually visit. Thanks for your help

Re: About names

  • I don't know, that is tough.  I think just say it matter-of-factly, such as He is now "(insert name here)".  If any family members start to get into it, say the visit is not the time or place. If they call them by their birth names, I would correct them once but them let it go to not cause a huge scene.

     

    If you changed their names and for some reason do not want bio family to know, then make it a game with the kids about going by their birth names.

    Adoption Blog Updated 2/15
  • I think an email in advance is smart. My brother has a son that he renamed after the adoption was final. He did keep the original name as the middle name. They still have visits with the birth grandmother (and occasionally the Birth mom as well) and although the gma knows he has a new first name, she still often refers to him with the other name. Nobody makes a big deal about it and he responds to either. Hope everything goes smoothly for you!

    Age: 35 TTC since 2005, MFI & DOR 

    IVF #1 Sep '11 - canceled poor response

     IVF #2 Nov '11  8R/8M/4F 3dt x2 - chemical

    IVF #3 April '12  11R/6M/4F 3dt x2 - m/c

    FET #1 Aug 2012  3dt x2 - BFN

    **new RE**

     IVF #4 Jan '13 BFN 11R/6M/6F 5dt x2 - BFN

     IVF #5 July '13 16R/10M/10F 5dt x2 + 1 frostie

    9dp5dt Beta 1 = 344!! 16dp5dt. Beta 2 = 4822 7wk u/s= 2 heartbeats!

    Twin girls! 3/6/14

     

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