Postpartum Depression
christinasullie37
member
Just don't enjoy being a mom
christinasullie37
member
I feel terrible that I am not liking being a mom so far. It has been nothing but problems since my LO was born and she is just barely 1 month old. I don't understand her feeding cues becuase she does them non stop and she won't nap. I think she knows that I am having a hard time with all of these changes and she doesn't even look at me and she cries every time I touch her. I don't understand why she cries 99% of the time, and my husband just tells me I am doing every thing wrong. I thougth things would be different and I am really not enjoying motherhood in the least bit. I am just going though the motions. Anyone else feeling like this?
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Re: Just don't enjoy being a mom
I had a very, very hard time after DS. It wasn't depression related, he was effing hard! Turned out he had colic, reflux, and food allergies. Are you nursing? If so, have you tried changing your diet? If you are formula feeding, have you tried switching formulas? Do you swaddle? There wasn't a chance DS would sleep (and he still slept badly) if he wasn't swaddled as tight as could be. Do you try the swing? Have you tried wearing her? Does she spit up tons? If so, has the doctor checked for reflux?
I'm trying to think of what all we went through before anything got any better. To be honest, when ds was born I could not wait to go back to work because it was 1000x easier than being screamed at by a baby all freaking day. Around 9ish months, he got quite a bit easier. He still slept badly (and still isn't a great sleeper) but he was happier and at least napped. I know how much it sucks, it will work out eventually.
It may also be worth it to talk to your doctor abotu your feelings, but if your baby really is just difficult, it couldn't be the issue. I knew it was depression with DD when she was super easy and I was exhausted all the time even though she slept, and I was cranky, snappy, and just kind of angry when she was easy.
Think you just met this person and it takes time. Dont be so hard on yourself. I second swaddling. Also I nursing do skin to skin and make sure as pp the thing in there are not contributing to baby and the crying? Colic? Reflux? Good luck
First of all, smack the hell out of your husband. He is a MAN and has no idea how to be a mother or what it takes and SHOULD NOT be critisizing you!!!
Second, the only things babies can move consciously for awhile is their tongues. I had the same problem thinking everything was a cue. Try and stick to an hour schedule. (My ped said every two hours until they return to birth weight or above, I do every three hours or on demand if she's not cranky.) If she's mouthing a lot and hasn't eaten recently, try to feed her. The chest to chest time is good emotionally for you anyway. Otherwise, try feeding every two hours. Worst case scenario is that she doesn't eat and just relaxes. (It's also a great way to get her snuggly for a nap.)
Don't try to set her down and do stuff while she's napping right now if she's having trouble napping anyway. If she's having trouble and naps when you're holding her, then hold her while she naps.
Have you told your ped about the crying? She may be colicky, in which case there isn't anything you can do except to endure it and reassure her, but it means you're not doing anything wrong, either.
Lurker giving her two cents:
This! Men do not understand how hard having a baby can be on a woman. I felt awful after having my little girl. Like PP said, I was mourning my, "me" time and my old life. I was sad every day for a while. I felt the same way about taking care of her as well. I had no idea what her cues were and she was crying all the time.
Just know that you are doing your best and that it will get better. LO is 7 months now and every day that goes by I feel more confident and things get easier. I think I started to feel better around 3 months. Honestly, I hated the first few months, newborns are not fun! It will get so much better and those first few months will be over before you know it. Don't be afraid to ask for help to get you through the tougher times.
you will. it's just takes time (I know everyone was telling me that too)
I developed PPD & PPA several weeks after my DD was born. it was really hard to get through the first 3 months. I stopped sleeping & was crying EVERYDAY. My husband didn't understand and he was off working 50+ hours a week. I was a mess & all by myself. Finally I talked to a doctor and was put on an anti-depressant (I even have a degree in psychoogy & didn't even realize that it was happening to me)
The best advice I can give you is ASK for HELP! let your friends & family know what is going on and how you are feeling. talk to a doctor. I found out we have a clinic that has a program devoted to helping moms. they set me up with a counselor & psycharist. they saved my life!!!!!!!
this website is amazing! www.postpartumstress.com
the first three months are exhausting! it gets better once they start interacting more. it does feel like you are just going throught the motions. it's hella hard but it gets better! I remeber crying not knowing how I was going to make it to next week but now I have a healthy wonderful 11 month old. the last 6 months have FLOWN by.
Don't be too hard on yourself. A lot of people feel this way but just don't talk about it. Not sure if this will make you feel better but things didn't get better for me until the 1 year mark. Some days were better than others but I questioned myself a lot. And I still do. From my short experience, everything is trial and error. Sometimes things don't work and all you can do is try something new.
Re: naps - have you tried a swing? DS slept in the Snugabunny swing for 6 1/2 months. It was the ONLY thing that worked.
DS was a very difficult baby - tongue-tied (so breastfeeding was absolutely horrible), reflux (drank only 2 oz. every hour or so and still vomited like the Exorcist), never on a schedule, didn't seem to like being held, cried constantly... It just seemed like it would never end and it also seemed like all the other moms I saw just loved motherhood. I felt absolutely horrible, that I'd made a terrible mistake by having a kid and beat myself up so hard about my feelings. Honestly, I wish I'd saved my energy and just stopped listening to other people and comparing myself/ DS to others. I actually stopped reading the Bump after about a month because it was too depressing to read about everyone's happy docile babies.
P.S. Your husband...well, I don't want to say anything too nasty. If it was my husband, I would have ripped him a new one.