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SS and Christmas Gifts WWUD

NDSalesGirlNDSalesGirl
in Blended Families

We had SS for Thanksgiving and since we are flying for Christmas and will be flying back we had him open his Christmas presents early. When he was opening gifts SS opened them, and then  threw them over his shoulder and said "that's it? That is not what I expected. Momma A said that you were buying me a snowmobile". I felt very insulted.  DH and BM are going through a battle with child support right now, because BM insists DH is making more money than he says (and his tax records say) because she has seen news stories on what DH could possibly be making in his job. During this time she has filled SS head with all sorts of things that DH is giving our son (who is 6 months) more toys than he is getting and that if DH had a better job BM would be able to have a new vehicle like i do ( I have a job, and I pay for my vehicle Payment). SS was not the same sweet little boy that we had over the summer. We took him out to eat after the santa parade and he was pulling decorations off the wall, and when told to sit down and behave he stuck his tongue out at DH. I told him he needed to show his little brother how to behave in a resturant, as he is the big brother and our little man would look up to him for an example and SS says "so I can push him around then". Our whole weekend was a struggle. Has anyone had this issue when the kids come from BM?

 

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Re: SS and Christmas Gifts WWUD

  • mom2onemom2one member
    Wow. No that is awful. :-(
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  • NDSalesGirlNDSalesGirl
    I love my SS, but I am dreading Christmas with DHs family. I'm worried that SS with do the same with them. One of DH's uncles actually owns a ATV Dealership and I am worried SS may ask him to just give him a snowmobile. SS was not this way this summer. We had a star chart and if he did all the things on his list for the day (pick up toys, put dirty clothes in the hamper, brush teeth and take a bath) he would get a star, and after 10 stars, we would go pick out a toy. This worked great and he enjoyed working towards his toys. Now he is just expecting them.
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  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member

    Wow.  Just, wow.  I don't know how old SS is, but if my DS(13) or DD(9) or K(almost 7) had done this I would have immediately taken away the gifts and told them "Since you aren't appreciative of what we give you, you don't deserve any gifts at all".  I understand that BM put it in his head that he would be getting certain things (which is definitely not ok for her to do), but SS needs to learn some manners.  Again, I'm not sure how old SS is, but kids need to learn that they need to be appreciative of everything and anything they receive, whether or not they like it.  I'm really sorry he behaved that way.

     

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  • lily_721lily_721 member

    BM has repeatedly told SSs that we are rich and DH's family is rich and we can give them anything they want.  Its been an uphill battle.  She has told SS1 many times to ask DH's mom if he wants something. 

    They are given money regularly by various family members ($20-$100) at random times.  We are having a problem with both of them expecting to recieve but not putting any effort into giving.  Mine are much older than yours (16 and 18). 

    We are focusing on thoughtful activities that they can "give"/do with each family member.  Its so hard when you want them to be happy and appreciative but there is an evil streak (aka BM) causing issues. 

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  • NDSalesGirlNDSalesGirl
    imagelily_721:

    BM has repeatedly told SSs that we are rich and DH's family is rich and we can give them anything they want.  Its been an uphill battle.  She has told SS1 many times to ask DH's mom if he wants something. 

    They are given money regularly by various family members ($20-$100) at random times.  We are having a problem with both of them expecting to recieve but not putting any effort into giving.  Mine are much older than yours (16 and 18). 

    We are focusing on thoughtful activities that they can "give"/do with each family member.  Its so hard when you want them to be happy and appreciative but there is an evil streak (aka BM) causing issues. 

    BM has told SS this as well. We have been trying to instill in SS that giving is better than recieving, but he just does not get it and BM says he is too young and should only be concerned with himself. SS s 6, he knows or atleast we try to make him understand it should not be all about himself
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  • jessalaredjessalared member
    That's terrible, I'm sorry he acted that way I'm sure it hurt your feelings. I agree with pp's everything would have been donated. There are so many kids that would appreciate having anything to open at Christmas :(
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  • twister22twister22 member
    imagejobalchak:

    Wow.  Just, wow.  I don't know how old SS is, but if my DS(13) or DD(9) or K(almost 7) had done this I would have immediately taken away the gifts and told them "Since you aren't appreciative of what we give you, you don't deserve any gifts at all".  I understand that BM put it in his head that he would be getting certain things (which is definitely not ok for her to do), but SS needs to learn some manners.  Again, I'm not sure how old SS is, but kids need to learn that they need to be appreciative of everything and anything they receive, whether or not they like it.  I'm really sorry he behaved that way.

     

    All of this. 

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  • 120120

    I've donated SS's gifts before when he was disrespectful.  I know I have always been up front and honest with SS.  BM tells SS we will get him a cell phone, or an ipod, or a video game system....and we tell SS...that his mom receives CS and cause she has primary custody, if she feels you need a cell phone, than can she can get it.

     It's hard at times cause I feel horrible for SS...his situation is crappy and I wouldn't want to his life.  But we do the best with what we have and we give him what we can...but he stills needs to be respectful and reasonable.  I have to remind myself over and over, that these are the cards that were dealt for him...and I can only control what happens on our time.  As harsh as it may sounds...its what is best for him.  

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  • kali55kali55 member
    imagejobalchak:

    Wow.  Just, wow.  I don't know how old SS is, but if my DS(13) or DD(9) or K(almost 7) had done this I would have immediately taken away the gifts and told them "Since you aren't appreciative of what we give you, you don't deserve any gifts at all".  I understand that BM put it in his head that he would be getting certain things (which is definitely not ok for her to do), but SS needs to learn some manners.  Again, I'm not sure how old SS is, but kids need to learn that they need to be appreciative of everything and anything they receive, whether or not they like it.  I'm really sorry he behaved that way.

     

    This!    



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  • NDSalesGirlNDSalesGirl
    I just worry about Christmas. We will be spending it with DH's grandparents this year, and I worry that he will do the same to them. He is normally a sweet little boy, but BM insists that we are hiding money from her, even though we have submitted Dh's W2s and she is upset that we are going to court to fight it and Child support is on our side. We do know that she tells SS that Daddys is rich and hiding money from her, but what she does not seem to comprehend is that I have a job as well and make more than DH does.
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