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November 2011 Moms
Kaeldrasmommy
member
A vent and in need of advice - long
Kaeldrasmommy
member
I know I haven't posted much lately. 
Right now I'm trying to wean little missy and it's only going so well. She still wakes and wants to nurse (part of the reason I'm weaning now) and I've cut all her daytime sessions as of a few days ago but I can't get DH's help at night. I'm exhausted which makes just walking her back to sleep very difficult and when I asked for DH's help on his days off for the nights, he got mad the first time he had to get up. I'm talking 'what the he!! is wrong', 'shut up' and 'go to sleep already' kind of mad. I'm not going to have him handle her like that so I told him nevermind. He proceeeded to tell me not to ask for his help with her anymore. FIne, he wants me to do it all alone, okay, but what do I do about nightweaning her? Should I ask for someone close to come stay for a night or two? Should I just keep trying on my own, and will she stop wanting to nurse since she doesn't often anymore?
Right now I'm trying to wean little missy and it's only going so well. She still wakes and wants to nurse (part of the reason I'm weaning now) and I've cut all her daytime sessions as of a few days ago but I can't get DH's help at night. I'm exhausted which makes just walking her back to sleep very difficult and when I asked for DH's help on his days off for the nights, he got mad the first time he had to get up. I'm talking 'what the he!! is wrong', 'shut up' and 'go to sleep already' kind of mad. I'm not going to have him handle her like that so I told him nevermind. He proceeeded to tell me not to ask for his help with her anymore. FIne, he wants me to do it all alone, okay, but what do I do about nightweaning her? Should I ask for someone close to come stay for a night or two? Should I just keep trying on my own, and will she stop wanting to nurse since she doesn't often anymore?
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Re: A vent and in need of advice - long
Oh, Kaeldra's mommy, I feel for you! I'm going to try and help but I only know what helped with me. You may or may not be ready for it so maybe after you get a few responses you can update and let us know what you are comfortable with or are ready for.
My advice (which could be wrong) but if it were me, I'd sleep train. I got myself into a HUGE mess over the summer. DD was sleeping through the night until she got sicky in April, got a little better, then we went to the in-laws a lot over the summer. I was so afraid of DD waking up the inlaws that I nursed her at every peep, This resulted in 3 months of nursing DD every 1-2 hours a-round-the-clock. Omg. DH and I felt pretty fuzzy-wuzzy from no sleep. And looking back, DD wasn't happy and I'm sure it's because she never got more than 1-2 hours of sleep at a time. So it was either our health suffers long term until she eventually learned to sleep or we attempted sleep-training with hopes of her responding postively to the method we chose. Which was Ferber. That first night, I chose to only feed her 1 time. I wasn't comfortable cutting her off cold turkey but I cut it down from 5-6 nursing session a night to 1. Yes, she might have a hard time understanding that first night, but it needed to be done. And she responded well. By the 3rd night, I stopped nursing her overnight completely.
Long story short (which is a little late since this is already long) but maybe DD needs some help because nursing is so routine for her. You know her so maybe I'm wrong, but that was my first guess with my dd. Maybe the problem is not necessarily nursing, but it's her bed/night time 'routine/bad habit'?
I weaned DD from nursing 5 times during the day to just 3 (wake up, pre-first-nap, and bed time). She still will sometimes grab my shirt and try to lift it up and nurse in the afternoon. I just get her some food. I feel bad like I am rejecting her but I tell myself that she will be ok and it's only temporary since she can be redirected with food or playing. It's hard.
As for your DH...sigh...mine can say some weird/crappy stuff at night but he doesn't remember them the next day. If I needed help and woke him up, I'd probably get a ramble about toast driving a car or something. But, if I talked to him during the day and the plan was that he would be getting up that night, then I think he mentally prepares and is able to get up and help with DD. Not saying he shouldn't be better at helping or he should act that way to DD but maybe it's just the haze of the middle of the night talking. Try to come up with a plan before bed and work towards it. I hate to say it because when DH shows frustration and has sometimes said things like "why are you acting like this" I want to beat him to a pulp and throw him out, but I have to remember, DH needs to find his own footing when it comes to DD's irrational behavior.
She's a toddler. Irrational is her middle name! Get used to it! 
Idk if I even helped at all, I've kinda rambled. I'll post this bc dd should be waking up soon, but I'll reread and repost if I need to clarify or add. Sleep training isn't for everyone, but that was the answer to our night time nursing weaning. And sleeping!
Good luck, Kaeldra's mom! Lemme know if sleep training isn't an option for you guys, and you need a different suggestion.
That sounds tough. I'm sorry your DH is being such an ass! Mine never helped with anything. Has she ever gone all night without eating? I know DS did 2 nights in a row, but wanted to get up at 6am. I'd rather nurse him at 4 and sleep till 730. I havent even thought about weaning yet :S
GL!
~Working Mom~Breastfeeding Mom~Cloth Diapering Mom~BLW Mom~
Blog - No Longer on the DL ~ The Man Cave
Shawn and Larissa
LO #1 - Took 2 years and 2 IVFs ~ DX - severe MFI mild PCOS homozygous MTHFR (a1298c)
LO #2 - TTC 7 months, surprise spontaneous BFP!
I'm at a loss when it comes to sleep training, I have little desire to read all about it, and little energy to do much of anything with her at night. I tried talking to DH about getting up with her for days before this failed attempt, so no such luck there. I'm pretty much on my own with this one.
Kaeldra'smommy: YGPM!