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Blended Families
Schrodinger
member
Can anything be done about a threat to violate CO?
Schrodinger
member
Every single year around the holidays BM doesn't check the schedule before planning her family visits and we end up with these huge disagreements over who gets SDs and when. When we finally got a Parenting Coordinator, we thought we'd be able to put this behind us. The PC issued a schedule in April, and per the PC agreement, each party has 14 days to contest a change. Neither party contested the schedule, so it became binding and supersedes the CO.
Fast forward to today, and BM is disagreeing with the April-issued schedule. Normally the PC should be able to intervene, but BM is refusing to pay her part of the fee. So, we are in a gray area where we are technically under contract with the PC, but she can't do anything for us without her fee paid in full (DH has already paid).
BM said in an email "I don't care what the April schedule says, when you drop them off at school that day, I will pick them up before you get done with work." DH is waiting to hear back from his lawyer, but is there anything that can be legally done about a threat to violate the CO? The dates in question are 12/14-17, so we'd never get this before a judge in time, and our fear is that she would have to violate the CO before anything could be legally done (and even then, its probably a slap on the wrist). So frustrating because we've had plans in place for months for this weekend -- grandparents will be in town, event tickets have been purchased, etc.
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Re: Can anything be done about a threat to violate CO?
I like the idea of paying the PC ourselves, but BM's part is about $1k. She's already under a court-ordered contract to pay the PC, so if this drags out we likely will end up having to go the contempt route. Sadly, we have nothing that we could deduct it from since CS comes out of a totally different pot of money.
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We've discussed that as well (because I'm like that too). Its tempting because its an early release day, and the last day before break. My mother would kill me if she knew what we were even considering, because I NEVER missed school as a kid
It sounds pretty pessimistic that there's anything that we could do pre-emptively other than a letter from the lawyer.
Could you notify the school that BM is NOT to p/u the SKs and that your designee will be doing so? You could give the school a letter from your attorney?
If not, I would totally just keep the SKs home from school.
Yes, there is a line in the CO about notifying the other parent (not that BM has done that, but that's a whole different post!), which we would do. It doesn't say when we have to notify the other party by. So we'd probably wait until 1:00 (early release is 1:15), then text/email.
I'm surprised that so many people are advocating to keep them out of school, but that's the direction that we are leaning. DH volunteers at school, he can talk to the teachers about their plans.
LOL-ing at the "I'm like that" and the "I'm like that too" comments.
YOu might want to conisder the long term outcome of this. She's going to counter it with a tactic of some sort down the line. THen you'll counter again. Then she'll counter...and then what the hell is the point of the $1000 coordinator?
Is non payment of the coordinator contempt of court? I'd take her ass back to court and let her know you're not going to screw around with her failure to follow the CO. When she threatens you, your DH should say, "Okay. If you choose to not follow the agreed CO, my lawyer will be talking to your lawyer. I'll see you in court." And then follow thru with exactly that if she fails to hold up her end of the deal.
I agree with that. Was this new agreement filed in court as well?
I'd call the PC. It sounds to me like she will have to file contempt charges against BM for non-payment as ordered by the court. If you share this e-mail with her, she may be more inclined to help you.
Then I would keep the kids out of school or else pick them up at noon. Let the school know that you are coming and no one else is to pick them up. Then they don't miss school, she doesn't have to be notified and you aren't in contempt.
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Generally unless it's a threat of violence or harm you can't do anything until a violation actually takes place.
Thanks for all the feedback. I was pretty sure that we're SOL with just a threat, but thought I'd ask to see if anyone had experience with getting action taken due to threatening statements.
DH got in touch with the PC. According to her, the agreement/contract is between DH, BM and the PC. In order to represent both parties, the PC has to be paid by both parties. If she were to take money from only DH and then side in his favor, it could be taken as unfair to BM. Until her retainer is back at its minimum, she cannot provide any further help on this situation. She's frustrated for DH and told him to file contempt charges since their contract with the PC is supposed to cover 2012 and 2013. So, we'll probably be looking into that.
DH is volunteering in both girls classes this week, so he plans to chat with the teachers and see if anything is going on that last week. We'll probably plan on keeping the girls home that day if there's not much instruction happening. Unfortunately, the school's policy says that pick up can occur by either custodial parent or their pre-registered designee. Since BM is a custodial parent, we can't really ask them to not allow her to pick them up, and we'd hate to put an admin in the position of having to enforce our CO.
Fair question, I should have worded my reply better. In their last mediation agreement/CO, BM and DH agreed in writing to use a PC for a two year time period, so that part is written into the latest agreement, and is binding. The contract with the PC is about the level of authority that the PC has, time period for hiring her, minimum retainer, etc. So according to DH's lawyer, we can take BM to court.
DH asked some of his police friends about whether or not she can just show up and demand the girls back. Long story short, no, she can't. (**Not legal advice**) According to them, police don't mediate disagreements over custody. As long as either party is a custodian of the children, it is not the police's place/authority to interpret who has custody and when. Either side could produce a phony document that looked like it was from the PC stating that they were entitled to custody. As long as the kids are safe and with a custodian, the police stay out of it. Besides, we have all the documentation that states that the PC gave us this weekend in the final agreement. We are still confirming with our lawyer about any consequence of keeping them out of school that day.
ETA: The advice from the police was specific to a situation like ours where each side was claiming to have documentation that gave them custody for the time in question.
I would do this. DH has been fighting to get a PC done since BM up and left with no warning and moved in with her new BF and refused to let DH see SS. As of May we had an order, and BM refuses to follow it. She claims she didnt really think DH would want to see SS (really we were the ones fighting to get to see him!). BM told DH that we will not get SS on the 26th for xmas break as indicated because her sister is coming from California and hasnt seen SS in a year. This is not our problem, we live a 12 hour drive away from SS and would not get to see him until summer break(we are supose to get him for spring break but she planned a trip and booked the ticket and SS is really exited to go). Our attorney told us the only way to hold her in contemt is for her to violate it. She has already violated it 3 times since, and the judge just gives her a warning. Does not help at all.