How to stay positive month, after month, after month of negative tests....

monikamc83 · September 2012

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for approx 6 months and nothing but negatives, its starting to get to me. I recently went to my doctor and he sent me for blood tests once a week for 6 weeks to first ensure I was ovulating and when. Still nothing, I`m just tired of opk and keeping track and I`m just tired of thinking of getting pregnant 24-7, starting to question everything about why I haven`t conceived yet. Things I`m starting to question are having an abortion at 21, having a miscarriage at 27 and now I`m 29 and looking for support.

lorirachel · September 2012

it's a sometimes long and frustrating process for most people on this board...try to stay positive and relax this month, have sex whenever (if you want, try to more in the week you think you are fertile) and give yourself a break until you feel ready to get back in full force. I am also 6 months in, and it is getting more upsetting each month that passes but I know it takes healthy couples a year, so I am not getting impatient or worried yet...just giving our all for the next few months!

CalinAZ · September 2012

Sorry you're feeling down about the process. FX you get answers from your doctor and are successful soon!

curlylocks3 · September 2012

I'm sorry you're feeling down and I'm sorry for your loss. It can take a healthy couple up to a year to conceive though, so I wouldn't start panicking yet. What makes your doctor think you are not ovulating? I have never heard of weekly blood tests to check for ovulation. If you're tired of keeping track charting might not be for you (at least right now) but I still think some of the tutorials on Fertility Friend (you can reach it by clicking on almost anyone's ticker or at fertilityfriend.com) can be helpful for helping you learn about your body's signs you are fertile. Some ladies choose to just pay attention to cervical fluid, etc.
Either way, welcome and good luck!

Twinkie0612 · September 2012

Honestly, the first six months weren't too hard for me because I knew that it can take a healthy couple up to a year to get pregnant. For some reason, starting cycle 10 was really hard for me. Maybe it was hitting double digits. Hitting the year mark was hard, but not as hard as I thought it would be.

Why did your doc want to start blood work at six months? Do you have irregular or long cycles that may indicate annovulation? Unless you have some symptoms that may point to a fertility issue, there is no reason to start testing at 6 months unless you are 35 or older. Impatience is not a fertility issue. Also unnecessary tests are a waste of time and if you are covered by insurance, drive up the cost of insurance for everyone.

Also why would your doc do weekly blood tests to check for ovulation? That sounds like a complete waste of time and money. Also depending on when you ovulated, once a week may not be close enough to 7 DPO to confirm O.

I know you have tried OPKs, but have you tried temping? It can confirm O, with no weekly blood test needed. Then if your doc wants 7 DPO blood work to confirm O (which you shouldn't even be doing for another 6 months), you go in 7 days after you sustained temp shift.

angelsnight · September 2012

We all want to be pregnant now, and it's very frustrating when we can't be. So in the meantime, try to enjoy the things you can do now, that you won't be able to once you're pregnant/have a LO. Like sleeping in....going out to eat whenever you feel like it, not having anything you HAVE to do right now, watching whatever bad stuff you want on TV, having an orderly house, having a quiet house, etc.

Also try some perspective....we've been trying for 17 months and are about to begin our RE/clomid plan, I would love to go back to be only trying for 6 months and be Oing regularly. I don't mean that in a snarky way at all, but sometimes it helps to realize it could be much worse, and maybe you won't feel so bad about your own situation.

DLC516 · September 2012

Hang in there. I'm at the same frustration level as you are. I'm 27 and have a DD who is 11. I got pregnant with her as a teenager and assumed when we were ready to TTC 2 it would happen right away.

Well it didn't and I've stopped keeping track of months bc it was making me crazy! Every day every where I went there was pregnant woman and babies every where. It was always on my mind. I'm actually going to a good friends baby shower today!

Each month my mind goes too far ahead thinking what if something's wrong? But I have to keep reminding myself that it could take a healthy couple up to a year. No one wants to hear that or think it will take that long me included, but it does and you are not the only one.

Do you know anyone else personally who is TTC or recently got their BFP? I find it helps to talk to other couples about their journey and see what kinds of things they did and how long it took. Each couple is different but I believe it helps me. Besides these boards of course :

Best of luck to you!

PrimRoseMama · September 2012

You've gotten great advice. Hang in there.

It can take a couple a full year with absolutely no medical issues and proper timing.

Maybe take up a new diversion that you've always wanted to try? Make a list and see if you can make it happen. I am with the others to enjoy the moments and things that you can do right now because you don't have an LO yet. Sleeping in is a big one, but there are others. I know there are those that would gladly trade sleeping in for an LO (and that is not to say that's I'd rather have sleeping in vs. LO), but it is true that there are some things you can't take advantage of once you've got a baby at home.

Keep on trying and I hope your BFP is around the corner. Left Hug

MrsM507 · September 2012

Hang in there... it does suck. Every CD1 sucks. I won't tell you it gets easier, it doesn't. You just learn that the start to each cycle is a fresh start. A new chance to get a BFP. My thought process is, if it's not something I can change... I won't wallow in being sad about it. I mean, I get sad, do something I wouldn't be able to do if I had gotten a BFP, put on my big girl panties and get back on track for a new cycle.

Definitely take up some new hobbies. I've been baking and reading A LOT.

Good luck - I hope you get that BFP soon.

ETA - I hope this doesn't come across as rude or cold - I didn't mean it that way at at all. What you are feeling is completely normal.

deelopi9 · September 2012

After many many years of people telling you to not get pregnant, you figured once it was time then it would happen quickly. At the beginning it is fun and exciting, then gets a little overwhelming trying to figure out why it isn't happening. This little fact sucks but it takes a healthy couple 1 year to get pregnant. If by month 8 you haven't ask them to do some additional test - HSG (if your tubes are blocked it's extremely harder to fertilize the egg). You could have some scaring from the abortion - it's possible. It is hard but once you find out what is going on you'll be able to treat it and hopefully get that BFP. Good Luck. Also, focusing on a hobby is a plus to get your mind off it.

CNS1212 · September 2012

I'm with you hun... I know there are a lot of us feeling this same way. We all know it can take a year, we all know of how important timing is... but it still doesn't change the fact that it feels like being punched in the stomach every time you get a BFN or AF comes.

I don't have anything uplifting to say... I thought this month was "the month" but now I'm starting to get cramps, so what I thought was pregnancy symptoms, now I'm second guessing as PMS...

Hang in there....that's the beauty of these boards. We can be in this together, when you feel like you have no one else. Because lord knows, you can only hear "don't worry, it'll happen for you," or "when the time is right..." so many times before you just wanna scream in a pillow.

Good luck to you, hun!! I'll be thinking of you, and all of us on the boards as we try for our little miracles.

janene1984 · September 2012

It's hard. When we first started trying, I was getting obsessed and stressed out; thus, probably causing me to either not ovulate or throwing off when I would normally ovulate. I tracked for about a year prior to us starting to familiarize myself fully with my cycle, o symptoms, etc. After the 3rd month of negatives, I realized I could NOT keep going like this. So I skipped a month to get myself back together, and just recently got back on track. I'm 2dpo right now, and am confident I won't obsess. If it doesn't happen this month, there's always the next. Just keep yourself busy and realize that it will happen when it's meant to happen (and it WILL happen).

ksgsmu · September 2012

The first four months were the toughest for me... I was obsessing and to be honest on this board way too much! While the information I learned is invaluable I had to back away for a bit. I also stopped temping for a while and DH and I took a trip to de-stress. We are moving on with testing (we are over 35 and on cycle 7) but I feel much better even though the testing process is tough.

taking up a project or hobby is really helpful... We are repainting some rooms and working on a new business. Staying busy with friends and being around positive encouraging people makes a huge difference.

Good luck.. Be kind to yourself and I hope you get your BFP soon!

CibottiBun · October 2012

I'm the same age, and very close to you in the specifics...I'm lurking here because I have crazy insomnia tonight.

It's so hard, and so frustrating. Its so stupid that if you were 17 and in the back of your Dad's car, you'de be pregnant by now! I HATED that! But really, the only thing that worked for me where you were at was to seriously FORCE myself to think about other things. We booked many crazy cool vacations, I read soooo many books that had nothing to do with babies, and I adopted two new puppies. I stopped allowing myself to buy pregnancy tests. And then, after miscarriages, exhaustive trying, and eventually giving up...:-)

monikamc83 · October 2012

First, THANK YOU for all the supportive & positive messages. It amazes me how all your messages brought a smile to my face. To answer a few questions that were coming up more then once. The weekly blood work for 6 weeks was to find out the exactly time that I'm ovulationg, because unlike many women I don't get the egg while type mucus. After the testing I did find out that I do ovulate a little earlier then I thought, which I was confused about because thats not what home ovulation tests were telling me. I have checked with my doctor on both the abortion and miscarriage as well and as of right now there is nothing to worry about:)

Thank you so much again, for all your messages:)

monikamc83 · October 2012

The few things I'm hoping will help me stay sane during this time, is painting the entire house to keep myself occupied, though sadly when it comes to painting your mind has lots of free time. lol Also my husband and I are going on our honeymoon in Decemeber which we are both very excited about and can't wait.

One more question: My husband and I get bugged lots about when we are going to have a baby and we should be trying, the comments never seem to end. We both had decided that we wouldn't tell anyone that we are trying,mainly so we just don't have the pressure of our families asking, are you pregnant yet? Did you ladies tell your families and friends you were trying to conceive? Or are you keeping it private?

Monika

CNS1212 · October 2012

I've told my mom and a couple of close girl friends....but it's definitely not much of a conversation with others. Since we got married, my DH has always said we'll wait 10 years before we have kids....just because he's a pain in the butt.... so he just spouts off his 10 years crap whenever someone asks about it, and we all laugh, and move on. Then I cry in the car on the way home. LOL.

wisp1422 · December 2012

I know the feeling, I am 31 going to be 32 in March. I was diagnosed with PCOS at 22, after doing research with what very little info there was at the time I started getting baby crazy I wanted to have a baby. My cycle has never been normal even with Metformin. It is hard to not get down and depressed when babies are everywhere and this time of the year its like in your face. I have been seeing a REI since last July, after finding a new one because the first one didn't like that my cycle wasn't normal. Last month was our first month of starting Clomid and we were set for the idea of doing a IUI. When I went for my second ultrasound the doctor sounded cheerful and said my follicles were around 10-12 they needed to be I think 15 on a Friday and scheduled me to come back Tuesday for another ultrasound and this time was total devastation as they were all small and the 2-3 that were around 10-12 couldn't be found. This was hard to be happy as Thanksgiving was the day after the 2nd Ultrasound. For me it was hard not to be down and feel like a failure as even with medication my body wasn't doing what it was designed for. I can't wait to be a mommy and that keeps me going so don't give up. I repeat Faith, trust and Pixie dust to myself to cheer myself up. It will happen for you =D When DH's Aunt told us she took Clomid for 13 months to get pregnant with his cousin that made me sad too but also that was 30 years ago almost medical advancement has come very far

Pikachu369 · December 2012

deelopi9:
After many many years of people telling you to not get pregnant, you figured once it was time then it would happen quickly. At the beginning it is fun and exciting, then gets a little overwhelming trying to figure out why it isn't happening. This little fact sucks but it takes a healthy couple 1 year to get pregnant. If by month 8 you haven't ask them to do some additional test - HSG (if your tubes are blocked it's extremely harder to fertilize the egg). You could have some scaring from the abortion - it's possible. It is hard but once you find out what is going on you'll be able to treat it and hopefully get that BFP. Good Luck. Also, focusing on a hobby is a plus to get your mind off it.

It does not take a year for a healthy couple to get pregnant. It can take up to a year. There is a difference.

deelopi9 · December 2012

Pikachu369:

deelopi9:
After many many years of people telling you to not get pregnant, you figured once it was time then it would happen quickly. At the beginning it is fun and exciting, then gets a little overwhelming trying to figure out why it isn't happening. This little fact sucks but it takes a healthy couple 1 year to get pregnant. If by month 8 you haven't ask them to do some additional test - HSG (if your tubes are blocked it's extremely harder to fertilize the egg). You could have some scaring from the abortion - it's possible. It is hard but once you find out what is going on you'll be able to treat it and hopefully get that BFP. Good Luck. Also, focusing on a hobby is a plus to get your mind off it.

It does not take a year for a healthy couple to get pregnant. It can take up to a year. There is a difference.

You are correct - I did mean to include "UP TO". Thank you for the correction

How to stay positive month, after month, after month of negative tests....

Re: How to stay positive month, after month, after month of negative tests....

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