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Question for you ladies

JNCPro3130JNCPro3130 member
in Babies on the Brain

A friend of mine recently had a baby. At her shower she was asking when my husband and I were going to have kids. In the conversation, she made the comment that they (meaning the daddies) are never ready. I thought this was odd. I wouldn't want to have a baby if I thought my husband wasn't ready. It also made me think, "how are you pregnant?" 

What's your thought on this? Is it the norm for men to be reluctant to have children? 


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Re: Question for you ladies

  • Sto71Sto71
    I know some men can be "sorta" ready and some might not be. Men are different like that seeing as they will more than likely be the main provider and that can put stress on them as well. Luckily I don't have this since my DH is MORE than ready! I think men also don't think they are ready until they see their child and then they get the "daddy" instinct!
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  • victoria+jamesvictoria+james member
    Some of my friends husbands were more than ready to be dads, some got into it after they were already expecting, and 1 sadly was not ready at all and she tricked him into getting her pregnant and now they're divorced.

    My DH says he wants kids but also says he isn't ready yet. I've been ready since we got married over a year ago. His fears are that we won't have enough money and that he won't know what to do with a baby.
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  • kdjuddkdjudd member
    My husband wasn't reluctant, but he was fearful. I think a lot of men have a tendency to judge themselves too harshly. My husband was afraid of being a bad dad. He was scared that he wouldn't have what it takes to raise a little person. Once we were pregnant though he was absolutely thrilled! Sometimes I think he was more excited than me. He is an amazing Daddy! It melts my heart to see them together. 
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  • ricecakes1216ricecakes1216 member
    My husband was ready long before I was.
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  • kiki1978kiki1978 member
    My DH is ready, but I don't think he has the same level of urgency that I do.
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  • KenziKKenziK member
    imageJNCPro3130:

    A friend of mine recently had a baby. At her shower she was asking when my husband and I were going to have kids. In the conversation, she made the comment that they (meaning the daddies) are never ready. I thought this was odd. I wouldn't want to have a baby if I thought my husband wasn't ready. It also made me think, "how are you pregnant?" 

    What's your thought on this? Is it the norm for men to be reluctant to have children? 

     

    Some days I feel like my DH will NEVER be completely ready to have a baby. Honestly, there are so many excuses anyone could make up as to why the timing is not perfect; there's not enough money, they want to get a better job, they want to get a better place, etc. I got the best advice from my therapist a couple weeks ago when we were discussing how my DH is very reluctant to have a baby, even though he wants one someday. She told me that  he just needs to want it a little bit. He doesn't need to be as excited/obsessive over it as I am, but if he knows he at least wants one, that's all I need. He may be nervous about it in the beginning, but as soon as that baby arrives all of those fears will go out the window.

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  • babydoll22308babydoll22308 member
    I think people say that about men because their connection with pregnancy is different than women. we have the privilege of bonding the second we know we are pregnant. men may feel ready in a way, but its when the baby enters the world that they truly connect in my opinion. my husband wanted children, but i dont think he was sure he was ready intil Dd was born.
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