Last name

xtineelaine · December 2012

I have made the decision to give the baby my last name. The father and I get along sometimes, but mostly we don't. He is very upset that I will not be giving the baby his last name and does not see my reasoning behind it, he even went as far as calling me a "f-ing selfish retard". His sister and grandmother agree with me in giving the baby my last name. He has been making some pretty poor choices as of lately and I am not sure of his commitment in the long run. So far he is a lot of talk and no action (like getting a better job and cleaning up his life). So to sum it up the reason for my post is, have any of you made this decision? what was the father's reaction? I don't want to be selfish I just think it is right for me AND the baby!

shabamwam · December 2012

lurchbaby:
It has been said many times. Give the baby the last name you want to. They will be living with you and you will be the primary care giver.

Agreed on PP.

lurchbaby..... I really like your meme!:) Dont know who he is though. lol

traneshaph · December 2012

I totally understand! My understanding of the UNspoken "last name rule" is that if you are married or engaged (or plan on being married VERY soon), you go ahead and give the baby the father's last name. Otherwise, you honor your family/heritage by giving the baby your last name. If I was with someone I pretty much knew I wasnt going to last with long term, I would definitely give my child (who I carried, labored, gave birth to and have to raise "mostly" alone) my last name. That's my way of letting my family's name and legacy live on. There are some exceptions to the "rule", but mostly.......this is my belief.

jjdillie · December 2012

My DS will have my last name. The father is not at all happy about it but he left us and we were never married. I think he's mostly mad about it because it's his son and DS won't have his name. I sought advice from my family and friends and all agreed with me (and some of my friends were objective about the situation, not totally biased).

mimimimimiiii · December 2012

I'm kind of having the same problem as you. But it's in opposite. I was asking the baby's father does he wants the baby get his last name, he told me it doesn't matter as long as I like. It makes me think that he doesn't care things about the baby at all, even though he told me he doesn't want the baby in his life. But for some reason, I still want the baby to get his last name, but I'm not sure if it's a good idea or not.

mdotm0904 · December 2012

my daughter's dad had a temper tantrum when he found out that DD was going to have my last name. I doubted myself multiple times, I mean up until the minute that I had to fill out the birth certificate in the hospital. He was angry. He threatened to terminate his rights. He said that he wanted nothing to do with a child that didn't have his last name...lots of hurtful things toward me, about me, and about our child. But at the end of the day, I did what I felt was right and fair to my CHILD. If down the line things changed and she decided she wanted his last name, then I would honor her wishes and get it changed. I figure it's easier to change TO his last name, than to try to change FROM. Because he'd have to approve the change from his last name.

Do what you feel comfortable with regardless of anyone's opinion.

emox3232 · December 2012

My DS is going to have my last name, the father and his parents aren't very happy about it, he has done nothing for the baby so far and made poor choices that led to us not being together. He says i'm being selfish and that it is tradition to give the child the fathers last name even if he is a dead beat(those were his exact words) So I gave up on arguing with him and just said that i'm going to do what I think is best for my child and that is giving him my last name.

blueyedsweety28 · December 2012

1

blueyedsweety28 · December 2012

do what you feel is right .. I was not so lucky .. my son has his father's last name .. as well as his first name (I was soOo against it, but he argued that it was family tradition and it must be done) .. and then we split up when my son was 6 weeks old ..

Coltonsmommy2013 · December 2012

Im choosing to give my DS my last name and not my exs. His family and himself arent too happy about it either (all because of their other son and his daughter has the mothers last name too). Whenever my ex decides to text and see how im doing or my DS, it always turns into a fight over why he cant have his last name. He has even told me one time that he wanted nothing to do with DS unless he had his last name and even considered giving my current boyfriend all rights to DS.

sabrina69barnes · December 2012

I went through this when I was pregnant with DS1. I knew BF and I weren't going to be together in the long run and I wasn't sure of his commitment as a parent. As a compromise I agreed to use "mylastname-hislastname". I regret it and should have just used my name at the time. DS is now 6 and hasn't seen BF is years. My DH adopted DS before he started school so thankfully DS never knew his other name.

In your situation I think you should use your last name.

bripratt2 · December 2012

i totally misread this! lol but I chose to give my daughter my last name. I'm actually not sure what her biological fathers reaction was I'm not even sure if he knows her whole name...but in my opion its definitely not selfish. It sounds to me like youre doing it to take care of the two of you if dad can't. Thats the way I looked at it when I had my daughter of course I reached that "enough is enough" point early enough in my pregnancy that It became an easy decision for me and he was long gone by then. if you are curious Id look up what the laws in your state are because I made my decision because giving her his last name would have given him more control which would have been BAD. Of course he also isnt on her birth certificate. Good luck though i know baby daddies really suck sometimes :[

Want a personalized experience?

Last name

Re: Last name

Choose Another Board

Search Boards