"It's NOT a boy" banner

graciesmurf · December 2012

There is a Friends episode with Rachel's shower/coming home that has a banner that says, "It's NOT a boy". Phoebe bought an "It's a boy" banner and added the "NOT".

My sister and mom are hosting my baby shower. My sister is a big fan of the show and plans on having a similar banner displayed at the shower they're hosting for me. I know this because my mom told her it was in bad taste and she and my sister are fighting over it--I got put in the middle but have only listened to both sides, but gave no imput. Basically I said, "Whatever you two decide is fine with me". They are both still pushing me to join a side though.

Truthfully, I agree with my mom. I'm not a big fan of the show and it's been over for about 10 years now. I don't think the guests will understand the joke.

Also, my DH is a 3rd and when we announced the pregnancy to his family everyone started talking about carrying on the name. When we found out we're having a girl a lot of people were disappointed at first then came back with a, "well, the next one will be a boy" attitude. DH and I are not disappointed this LO is a girl, we love her exactly how she is. I don't want to give the impression that we are upset she's not a boy. I also do not want to deal with more of the "wish it was a boy" comments and I feel like this would bring it up.

As the guest of honor, am I allowed to tell my sister that I don't like the idea? I don't want to be ungrateful. I'm prepared to grin and bear it if that's what is expected.

ordinary1 · December 2012

Personally I think the only input you should give is date and guest list. However, since they asked I would think you could say you would prefer that a different banner be used.

EastCoastBride · December 2012

Tell her what you said here. Just tell her that you don't think guests will understand the joke, and past that, tell her about DH's family and their attitude. You REALLY don't want to perpetuate any issues and you're concerned that this banner will eithre come across as a jab at them OR an admission that you aren't happy you're having a girl.

I would hope she could understand this.

rubber ducky07 · December 2012

I really don't think anyone could even make that connection. I'm a huge Friends fan and I would never have made that connection. She's your sister, just be honest. Just don't make it seem like you are taking sides with your mom or she'll probably feel mad or defensive about it. Maybe talk to her about it in private and let her make the decision not to use it.

aeh72 · December 2012

I agree with you and pps that the banner is in poor taste and, if it were me, I would worry that guests would think it's how I felt and not just a silly decorating idea of the host. While I'm usually of the line that the guest of honor shouldn't have much say in the details of the party, I think it would be perfectly appropriate for you in this circumstance to ask you sister not to display the banner for the reason you gave about DH's family (although they need to get over being disappointed!), and also because people make take it the wrong way - either (as you suggested) that you're upset she's not a boy, or I think it could even be taken as some sort of celebration that you aren't having a boy - i.e., "thank goodness we're not having a boy!" I wouldn't want to have to spend my shower explaining it to everyone!

Unknown · December 2012

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Mrs E in Oregon · December 2012

The first thing I thought from the title of this post was that after 3 boys maybe you were finally having a girl or your hubby is one of 10 boys. That would make sense to me, but that reference is so dated. If you were having a baby 9 years ago when Friends was still relevant, maybe. But she's going to have to explain that to everyone coming in and they won't get it. I'd go with "It's a girl" or if you've chosen a name make a banner with the name of your baby on it.

Disneygeek77 · December 2012

I personally think this is an occasion when it is ok to speak up and give your opinion. Let sis know you get the joke, but a lot of people might not and might even offend some.

a13049 · December 2012

When I read the title, the first thing I thought was about the Friends episode. However, even as a huge friends fan I wouldn't really like it at my shower. I think, since they have asked you can politely give you opinion without sounding like the controling momzilla. Especially with the issues on you DH side, it could be taken wrong and that isn't the point of the joke/banner.

jnjmommy0609 · December 2012

Being a HUGE fan of that show I find it funny and would love it if someone did that for me..but that is me. If I were to host a party for someone I would try my best to bring their personality into the party. Not my own.

You were asked for your opinion. Go ahead and give it in a polite manner. If your sister can't take the truth even if it's polite then that is her problem

526SadieSadie · December 2012

I think its silly considering you're not a fan of the show and its been off the air for so long. If it were still a current show the older guests might not get it but your contemporaries might. It's just bizarre to make such a specific reference now.

Don't bring the personal politics into it, it's just not funny anymore. Most of your guests would require an explanation - or they'd take a offense and not ask for clarification. When/if your sister is having a girl you can give her the banner instead.

JenniD2 · December 2012

I agree with the PPs. Since your mom and sister asked you for your input, I would give it and say no to the sign. From the guest's perspective who didn't watch Friends, the reference would go over my head, and I would feel that it would be in poor taste.

If your sister feels this strongly over the Banner, you can suggest to her that she can have it for her own baby shower.

teralane · December 2012

ordinary1:
Personally I think the only input you should give is date and guest list. However, since they asked I would think you could say you would prefer that a different banner be used.

This!

highlights · December 2012

I think it would be more appropriate for your sister's baby shower.

c-elizabethf · December 2012

Joy2611:
Honestly, I think the "It's not a boy!" banner is funny and silly. I'd laugh at it. I was okay with it being at your shower until you brought up the namesake/boy debacle. That would be in poor taste. I feel like some guests could definitely misconstrue the humor of the banner. Just tell your sister no.

This.

TX-Bride · December 2012

I used to watch the show, but don't remember the episode, if you have to explain a joke, you lost the crowd, so I vote, no, too. As someone else mentioned that banner is more appropriate for your sister's shower, not your shower!!

graciesmurf · December 2012

Thanks everyone! I called my sister this evening and explained why I don't love the banner idea. She's a little upset with me, but I think she understands.

rhubarb123 · December 2012

I'm not a friends fan but have seen some of the episodes...but obviously not that one. If I came to a shower that had a banner like that I would be thinking "wow, they bought the wrong banner and instead of forking over a couple more dollars for a new one they slapped a 'not' on it!" I don't think a LOT of people would "get it".

Tell your sister you'd rather not have that banner. If she has already purchased it just tell her it is OK not to have any banner at all...no need to buy a new one. You can mention your DH's family and it would kind of look like a slap in the face to them...sort of a "neener neener...we are NOT having a boy!!!! So take your name and ??? it!".

BTW...I know the pressure from the hubs family to have a boy to "carry on the name". I had a girl frist and they couldn't wait until I had a boy...he is the 5th!

PunkyBooster · December 2012

I was an avid Friends watcher back in the day and that went right over my head.

I also think, given the "disappointment" of his family that the banner would be tacky.

lexyraejay · December 2012

EastCoastBride:

Tell her what you said here. Just tell her that you don't think guests will understand the joke, and past that, tell her about DH's family and their attitude. You REALLY don't want to perpetuate any issues and you're concerned that this banner will eithre come across as a jab at them OR an admission that you aren't happy you're having a girl.

I would hope she could understand this.

This!

MzCurnett8886 · December 2012

It's been ten years since the show ended, the connection is lost. If this was over a decade a ago then yes it could be considered cute. As much as your sister loves the show the decor and party is about you and your baby not her preferences. You are not even a fan yourself so I don't understand why it would be at your shower especially if it could cause issues with your in-laws. When she gets a shower then you can use it for her.

Krisands · December 2012

At first while reading your story I thought no big deal just a banner, but getting to the part about your DH family I feel like it would be inappropriate. I feel like it could be taken that your upset or that your trying to rub it in your face. I would explain it to your sister using the family as an example. Then tell her you'll do it for hers :

sthomas1222 · December 2012

Yeh I own the whole show on DVD and don't remember this... I'd explain the whole thing with the in-laws wishing it had been a boy and that you don't want your day filled with talk about them being sad that it's NOT a boy...