How nice is YH?

Sparty On · December 2012

I have been feeling pretty craptastic about myself lately in terms of what I see in the mirror. I'm not at all happy with how I look since having G. I told MH this, and he was a total d-bag about it and basically gave me suggestions on what to do to look better. Wow, thanks a-hole...a compliment would have been nice!

MH hardly ever gives me compliments on my appearance. My BIL, on the other hand, compliments my sister all. the. time. So I'm wondering, how often do you get nice comments from YH about how you look?

08/09/08...our lucky numbers! · December 2012

Very rarely do i get a legit compliment --- the convo normally goes something like this:

me: how do i look
DH: fine.
me: seriously, just fine? you always say just fine. Do i look good or bad? Should i change?
DH: fine means good. You look good.
Me: well then say good.

And on and on for the past forever. Except now that we've started DTD every now and then and the baby weight is gone he's all why don'y you go put on something sexy...the compliments always start when he's trying to get some! Wink

rarazz · December 2012

I am starting to think my DH is not in the norm for this topic. He tells me at least 2-3 times a day that I am sexy and beautiful. He is pretty amazing. He also knows how much I have struggled with my self image and has made it a point to make to make me feel better about my self every day.

I am so sorry your husband isn't being supportive and making you feel better about yourself. Try telling him you need some reassurance and how he could help you. Maybe he just isn't used to you needing support in this way.

BeebopandBuddy · December 2012

I get compliments very rarely. If its a special occasion and I really dress up, I might get a "you look nice" or "you look sexy" if he's hoping to get laid. Otherwise, I get nothing. I've even told him I would like him to say it more. Nope.

kbbgg · December 2012

Gorgeous George always tells me I'm pretty and beautiful. I would, however, appreciate it if he didn't say it like Beavis.
"You look beautiful today, bebeh"

OP I think your husband is acting like a typical man. Instead of being sensitive, he's trying to "fix" what's making you feel down.
I'm with you on the lack of confidence front too, this csection shelf does nothing for me.

Edit: [Beavis and Butthead]

terri_doula2010 · December 2012

He compliments me a lot. I don't think I'm all that attractive, but I do believe that HE finds me attractive, and that makes all the difference. It took me a long time, but I accept his compliments (I used to argue with him) and it makes us both feel good. Even when I say something like how flabby my belly is, he says, "Hey, that belly gave me babies. I love that belly! It will always be sexy to me" and he says it sincerely enough that I believe him.

Sorry about your H. Yeesh.

Salleybelle · December 2012

Sadly my husband informs me of my belly flab... and of the little dimples on my buttocks, oh and those stretch marks I got on my butt...he informs me of those too. *Sigh* I'm not much help. -coming from the lady who is about to start couple counseling to save her marriage.

MeatballEsq · December 2012

I'm with your Sparty. I rarely get compliments, whether it's on my looks, cooking, etc. Usually everything is "fine." He on the other hand is CONSTANTLY fishing for compliments. It's ridiculous.

YH sounds like he's a fixer by nature, by offering suggestions. Sometimes they are so clueless.

Oh and I've met you in person and think you're hot stuff, by the way. I wish I looked that good pre-PG Wink

bonjourbelle05 · December 2012

intheflowers:
All the time. Pretty sure he's just trying to get in my pants though.

I can tell when DH is trying to get in my pants because he is much more free with the compliments then.

BPer · December 2012

My DH compliments me a lot, and like PP, sometimes it's to the point where I'm uncomfortable, especially lately where I haven't been feeling the most beautiful. But honestly, even when I was looking my 'best' I wasn't totally comfortable because I just don't feel the way he sees me.

If my H said anything like that to me...I'd probably say something equally offensive...but I can be a brat like that.

LLBean2012 · December 2012

intheflowers:
All the time. Pretty sure he's just trying to get in my pants though.

This. Exactly.

ktnicole · December 2012

I get them often but my h wants to DTD badly. He is also a sensitive guy.

Bookelly · December 2012

Daily. And he's the first person I've ever been with whom I truly believe thinks I'm beautiful no matter what I weigh, how I style my hair, or how much makeup I have on. It's a good feeling, and I know that I'm lucky in that regard...

ajcorbs13 · December 2012

They were very few and far between near at the beginning of Ps life! But recently they have been WONDERFUL but this is how it started!

H: baby you look good

Me: Thanks I have really been trying!

H: yeah i know for a while there you were a HOT MESS! You werent at the gym, barely washed your hair, and you didnt even put on make up!

Me: WOW thanks for the honesty

H:... well at least I told you now and didnt lie to you before!

D@MN I love him!!!

They have only gotten better since then!

redneckmomma25 · December 2012

He normally texts me good morning with a beautiful. He compliments my cooking.i have never been sexy but I do believe he thinks I am beautiful. If I say how terrible I feel he will say I am fine but he is also over weight and we both need to get on the weight loss train and stick to it.

numb3rMel · December 2012

Oh Sparty. Slug bug that man for me will ya?

I have love handles. No matter how much exerise, diet, skinny, etc I do/am, he'll grab those things and call it my "double butt." Thanks hun. Just want every girl wants! So... yea, compliments? Not so much.

Latham12 · December 2012

I'm very blessed that MH tells me I'm beautiful every day. He knows how much I've struggled with weight since I had LO and he tells me I'm beautiful and that he loves me constantly.

Sparty On · December 2012

tonir319:
I'm with your Sparty. I rarely get compliments, whether it's on my looks, cooking, etc. Usually everything is "fine." He on the other hand is CONSTANTLY fishing for compliments. It's ridiculous.

YH sounds like he's a fixer by nature, by offering suggestions. Sometimes they are so clueless.

Oh and I've met you in person and think you're hot stuff, by the way. I wish I looked that good pre-PG

Aww thanks

I creepy Internet stalker love you.

misscheapandchic · December 2012

MH asks me everyday if the nursing is still eating my ass

it's his very sarcastic way of telling me I'm looking skinny. Occasionally he'll tell me I look beautiful or sexy, but mostly he'll give compliments like an awkward 15 year old boy...

TAGSL710 · December 2012

1. You look amazing...I've seen you in person. I think I even told you how jealous I was of you when we met...able to get into skinny jeans AND have your hair doneamazing!

2. I'm sorry your H made you feel crappy

3. I get compliments all the time. Even when I was 35lbs away from pre preg. I have stretch marks GALORE and a flabby belly but he thinks I look awesome. I wish I felt as good about myself as he does...though, like intheflowers said, it's probably to get in my pants.

Nita2603 · December 2012

DH compliments me often and I do believe he means it, too. Then again, it doesn't help me feeling better about myself.

blindvictory · December 2012

MH gives me occasional compliments, but not nearly as often as I'd like them. I'm really insecure about my appearance, especially after having a baby and being covered in stretch marks, and I want him to tell me that he still thinks I'm pretty. But overall, he is a super nice guy. I think he just doesn't understand my "love language", the things that make me feel good.

jbBeans · December 2012

Sparty, I think you're gorgeous! I'm sorry YH is so clueless. I agree with PPs that he sounds like a fixer.

My H is decent with compliments. He definitely tells me I'm hot but yeah, usually when he's trying to get some! If we are going out somewhere like a wedding and he knows I've put a big effort in, he's pretty good a about telling me I look nice.

Sparty On · December 2012

Thanks for the feedback and nice comments. I swear I wasn't fishing for them, but I'll take 'em! :]

Sparty On · December 2012

blindvictory:
MH gives me occasional compliments, but not nearly as often as I'd like them. I'm really insecure about my appearance, especially after having a baby and being covered in stretch marks, and I want him to tell me that he still thinks I'm pretty. But overall, he is a super nice guy. I think he just doesn't understand my "love language", the things that make me feel good.nbsp;

Girl, you crazy! You're beautiful. Great hair and skin like a porcelain doll.

Kris2011RN · December 2012

Dh is always telling me how beautiful I am. Sometimes its embarrassing, we will be out at dinner with a group of friends and out of no where he will tell me how beautiful I am.

bosha711 · December 2012

MH compliments me every once & a while. I WFH, so I am rarely actually dressed up, but when I do, he usually says I look nice. He'd actually much prefer me in tshirt & sweats anyway, rather than heels & makeup.

I agree with the PP that said something like, YH is just being a typical man & trying to fix something.

jchasmc09 · December 2012

bvandalsen:
Ok, this might sound sh!tty, but MH compliments me all the time and it makes me uncomfortable. Let me say this, I am by no means sexy, just an average t-shirt and jeans, hair braided, all natural girl. When I look in the mirror, I feel so plain Jane and not "good enough" for DH.

This pretty much exactly. DH always tells me I look great, beautiful, sexy, etc... I don't feel like that AT ALL about myself. Especially not these days. He is very genuine, and I feel bad for saying this, but it has gotten to the point where it bothers me. Most days my makeup isn't done, my hair is air-dryed and messy, and I am by no means what I would consider "cute".

Poo on your DH. One time during a very unlike-him moment, my DH did try to give me some style advice. He told me the clothes I had were not great and asked if they honestly made me feel good about myself. I wanted to throat-punch him. FFS. You don't have to lie, but you don't have to cut me down either. Jerk.

ihearttroy1 · December 2012

Troy is very nice and tells me I'm pretty. He's also very honest and will tell you if you're having an off day. SpartyOn I'm sorry your husband said that to you, some people need to learn how to be more tactful.

ETA: You're siggy pic is gorgeous by the way, and I'm not just sucking up.

Bighair12 · December 2012

MH is a complimenter. I love that about him. I am not back to Pre baby weight and I know I still don't look all that great but he would never tell me that. I feel bad that some of your husbands aren't like that. All husbands should spew rainbows and glitter.

Flamingemu · December 2012

DH has the total hots for me and tells me often. He is going to embarrass the hell out of our kids by telling/showing me in front if them.

I am sorry all you ladies are not getting the same. It certainly helps the self esteem.

Mom2Mack1 · December 2012

Usually when I get dressed up & do my hair. So, not that often!

Stasi · December 2012

katebyblow:
Gorgeous George always tells me I'm pretty and beautiful. I would, however, appreciate it if he didn't say it like Beavis. "You look beautiful today, bebeh" OP I think your husband is acting like a typical man. Instead of being sensitive, he's trying to "fix" what's making you feel down. I'm with you on the lack of confidence front too, this csection shelf does nothing for me. Edit: [Beavis and Butthead]

I agree with this! It's hard coming back from pregnancy. I don't feel attractive all that much anymore, but I try to respect myself and if something bothers me, like what I like to call my 6 pack flans, then I try to work on it. Pilates several times a week is helping. This does mean I sacrifice other things. We didn't do Christmas cards or go as crazy with Christmas decor because I just couldn't handle it.

I'm sure your DH loves you and still finds you attractive, men just try to fix situations more than compliment. This is probably why he was giving you tips.

Pokedot · December 2012

DH has been amazing on complimenting me. I too am having issues with what I see in the mirror. I lost 50 lbs before having DS and gained all most all of it while pregnant with him. I've lost 27 so far but want to lose at least another 30. He knows I'm having problems and gives me compliments all the time and the fact that he wants to jump my bones every second of every day! It makes me feel wonderful especially when he comes home from work and I'm in pj's, glasses and I haven't even brushed my teeth!

McTurnerESQ · December 2012

MH is pretty nice about this. He compliments me a lot. Also, OP I read somewhere that whereas women express feelings, men communicate in problem solving mode. This is totally true of me and DH and sometimes I preface with "just venting." Sucks what your H said but I would bet money he was thinking like a dude and thought you wanted to "fix" something.

MrsMom148 · December 2012

My DH is not a very vocal person, and I've learned that the worst way to get a compliment outta him is to ask him or nudge him about it. That said, after 8 yrs together (almost 5 of them married), I can tell when he thinks I'm beautiful by the look in his eyes. It's his way of communicating and I've learned to appreciate it and understand the fact that he's just not good with verbally expressing his emotions.

cmumama · December 2012

I agree with Toni and Tags...you are beautiful!!

MH doesn't compliment me much either, even though I tell him I need to hear it more often. When he does compliment me, he's just trying to get into my pants. He is very helpful with the kids and around the house. Overall, he is a great husband. He could just use some work with flattery.

Hyaline · December 2012

Afunky6:
katebyblow:
Gorgeous George always tells me I'm pretty and beautiful. I would, however, appreciate it if he didn't say it like Beavis. "You look beautiful today, bebeh" OP I think your husband is acting like a typical man. Instead of being sensitive, he's trying to "fix" what's making you feel down. I'm with you on the lack of confidence front too, this csection shelf does nothing for me. Edit: [Beavis and Butthead]
This is what I was going to say. Frequently, my DH tries to 'fix' me. Its not that he doesn't think that I'm pretty, but he tries to help me feel me better about myself. But really I would just like a compliment and call it done and done.

I was going to say the same thing. DH compliments me a lot, but usually not when I make comments about my own appearance. If I say I'm feeling fat, he doesn't jump back with "You look great!" He says "Let's both cut back on desserts this week" or "You could work out if you wanted."

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