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Thoughts on changing how we do BF Christmas?

sabrina69barnessabrina69barnes member
in Blended Families

Right now our CO has two options for Christmas. A) Dec 22 - 25 and B) Dec 25 - 31. We get each one every other year.  We have the option of exchanging at noon or 6pm depending on if we want to meet halfway or do all the driving.

BM has a son with her BF and his birthday is Dec 23. DH and BM usually try to work it out so SK's can always celebrate siblings birthdays even if it's just on a weekend near the birthday.

BM said it's really hard to plan her DS's birthday between Christmas and SS's birthday on Dec 17th. I totally understand. She is wondering if instead of switching she could always have A and we could always have B.

The kids would always wake up with her which I guess makes sense since she does Santa and we don't with any of our kids. It would mean that we could never do Christmas Eve church as a family which makes me a little sad though.

I know SK's would like it better. They don't like when things are different each year. It would make it easier to plan things with family since every year would be the same. At the same time it makes me sad to know that every year there will be some family traditions they will always miss out on.

WWYD? Keep the CO the same or permanently switch?

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Re: Thoughts on changing how we do BF Christmas?

  • la79alla79al member
    I don't understand how giving her every year the 22-25 makes it any easier to plan a birthday.  Wouldn't it make more sense to always give her the weekend between the birthdays or something (sorry, idk your custody schedule)?  At the same time, we have an eo Christmas schedule too and now that both stepkids are past the Santa thing, I'd almost prefer it to be the same every year, even though they would miss out on our Christmas Eve traditions. 
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member

    imagela79al:
    I don't understand how giving her every year the 22-25 makes it any easier to plan a birthday.  Wouldn't it make more sense to always give her the weekend between the birthdays or something (sorry, idk your custody schedule)?  At the same time, we have an eo Christmas schedule too and now that both stepkids are past the Santa thing, I'd almost prefer it to be the same every year, even though they would miss out on our Christmas Eve traditions. 

    I assumed that she was celebrating on his actual birthday.  I think if SKs could be with their brother on his birthday it would be awesome.  I also think if they are young enough to believe in Santa then it is magical to do it on Christmas morning when they get the surprise of waking up to his presents and this would be good consistency.  There will be traditions they miss but with consistency there can be new traditions that you create each year instead of every other year.  I would go for it and agree to do it for two years and re-evaluate by the start of school the following year in case you guys hate it.

    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • OoglybearOoglybear member
    I don't think that's an awful idea, but I can see why it's not a great idea either. I think I would eliminate the "either noon or 6pm" thing though so that you actually end up with half of Christmas consistently. If you live close enough, could you ask for a few hours Christmas eve night every other year to take them to church with you? I like Jenn's idea of making it a trial thing.
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  • PhantomgirlPhantomgirl member

    Can you all go to church another night? 

    I would swap for a couple years until the kids are past Santa, then reevaluate.

    For a kids point of view BMs suggestion wins out!

     

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  • twister22twister22 member
    It sounds like a permanent switch would definitely be a benefit for BM, but not necessarily for you guys. What do you get out of it? I would think of something your DH wants, and then try to negotiate that in. Is there something DH wants to change about Spring Break/Easter or Thanksgiving? Or something else he's been wanting to change?
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  • ballmomballmom member

    Is distance a factor?

    Generally, I do not like it when one parent gets a set holiday. I understand wanting to work with her on making sure that the skids are home to celebrate the other siblings birthday. I think saying she can always have the 23rd is fair, even the days leading up to it. I do not think it is right that the skids cannot partake in your traditions just so BM can always have Christmas Eve/Christmas Morning. That has nothing to do with the other siblings birthday.

    SO's CO is based on the school break. Each parent gets 1/2 the break, even yrs CP has the 1st half. The parent that does not have the 1st half of break gets Christmas day from 12-9pm.

    ~Amy
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    I am reading more responses and wanted to add more. I think you should do whatever is best for the kids. Someone asked about the distance factor, how far is the drive. I think if you are close having Christmas Eve every other year would great but you have to get them home early Enough to go to sleep for that night. I do agree with the poster that said a noon exchange.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • sabrina69barnessabrina69barnes member

    Thanks ladies. I'm still not sure what I want to do but I do like the idea of a trial.

    We all like the noon or 6 thing. It's something we requested when we made the CO a few years ago. BM lives 2 and a half hours away depending on traffic and we meet halfway for most exchanges. We can either meet halfway at 6pm or the parent wanting to start their time at noon can drive all the way.

      We wanted the option of the parent with the 2nd half of the break to be able to get the kids earlier but not be held to a noon pickup since that would mean leaving the house around 10:45 on Christmas morning. Some years we are barely up and moving by then and didn't want the kids to feel rushed with things that morning. Also some years DH has to work on Christmas so that time doesn't work at all.

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  • sweetwalkssweetwalks member
    After reading all the other responses mine will not be a popular one.

    DH's CO reads that we get him at 2 p.m. Christmas Day, every year.

    Growing up in a blended family I hated doing something different every year and I always had to miss out on some Christmas festivities. It gives SS, and the other kids, some stability and a sense of knowing where they will be. We can plan our family gatherings much easier and we, as well as our families, always know when we will have SS. Same for Thanksgiving. Normally, we take SS back the day after Christmas at 7 p.m. which I'm not a huge fan of but with the way Christmas falls this year we will have him until the following Sunday, thanks to BM being generous.

    Maybe it will be revisited once he's in school and has school breaks but for now it works, for everyone. If it will work best for your family, your step kids and biological children, then go for it. If it won't, agree to some other day for BM to always have SK's for a birthday celebration.
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