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Adoption
How do you handle it
When people apprach you are are so rude aout asking you a million and two questions aout your "process" or "the match", Maybe it's just me but I would never ever just bring up the topic of there adoption plans over a lunch enless I was sure that it was appropriate.
I dont know if its just my hormones or what but I feel like im losing me. I know that this decision is omportant and I love this baby beyond words I would give my life for my kids but, all anyone seems to care about is "the poor baby" It is going to have abandonment issues, or identity crisis. I want to seperate myself from this situation sometimes.....
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Re: How do you handle it
(( Hugs )) I'm sorry you're dealing with negativity from others. Unfortunately so many people seem to think they have a right or even a duty to make their opinions known when it is really nobody's business but your own.
Try and focus on you, your daughter and the baby and what is best for you and your family. Don't let other people make you feel bad, they are not the ones that are walking in your shoes.
Sadly you will probably be hearing things from people throughout your pregnancy as you go through this, feel free to vent on here anytime.
Remind them they are being rude. I have used, "That's really personal. Don't you think?" and "I'm sorry, what?" to make the person pause.
If they continue to press, I tell them, "I'm sorry, but that's my child's personal past, and we don't share that with everyone." I generally don't mind talking about the process itself, as long as the boys aren't within earshot and I can tell the person asking is genuinely and good-naturedly interested.
In your case, I would try something like, "I'm sorry, but I'm really not willing to discuss such personal and private matters with you," "I'm sorry, but this really isn't up for discussion," or "I'm sorry, but this really isn't a topic I'm comfortable discussing with you." If they really are just strangers or acquaintances, I wouldn't even hesitate to say, "This really is none of your business."
I'm sorry that you are being approached by negativity. Typically, the people who have those things to say aren't familiar with how adoptions are handled these days. I would have no problem shutting them down and not listening to a thing they have to say. If you really feel you need to be polite, you can follow up with, "You know, I'm not making this decision in a vacuum or on an impulse. I did a lot of research and have discussed it with the people who are most important in my life, and I am confident I'm making the best choice for everyone. I appreciate your concern, but I know what I'm doing."
I agree with all other posters. Unsolicited opinions and advice are not ok. Thinking of you and sending hugs.
It is great to have you as part of our board
Thanks ladies! I do think that some people that ask these things are genuinely curious and may not understand that they are being rude and pushy. I too dont have a problem discussing things but constant questions from everyone it just becomes overwhelming. I have a 3 yr old to be attentive too although I would love it if life paused so that I could be pregnant forever thats not possible so I have to carry on, smile and be a parent to the child THAT I DO have, not just the one growing in my tummy.
Does that make sense or am I babbling again?
It sounds from your OP like you're getting this from people you know and are spending time with. I get the feeling they may just be curious about the process since they may have no experience with it, especially from your perspective.
I would just remind them that this is a deeply personal decision you are making, and that you hope they understand if you don't want to talk about it right now.
Hugs
I feel like people who are so concerned about the emotional toll on your child should be made aware of the emotional toll on children when their parents are really struggling to provide for them. That also has lasting effects. It's not like you're making an adoption plan because you want a new car and a home theater system or something. Your family would have difficulty making ends meet, and that's very hard on children.
If I were feeling particularly defensive, I'd probably say something along the lines of, "Well I'm committed to doing what's best for this child, and I know I will make the right decision." Because you're a mother, and mothers will endure pain for the betterment of their children. It's what we do.
I'm glad people didn't talk to me that way when I was pg with my birthson. They probably would've gotten an earful!
Application approved Dec '11
Mar '12: Homestudy interrupted by change in Uganda requirements - where do we go from here?
After searching and searching, back with Uganda but with our homestudy agency's program.
Homestudy complete July 19
USCIS I-600A submitted July 20. Biometrics appointments arrived Aug 17; fingerprinted Aug 21; 171H received Sept 25th. On the wait list Oct 1st: #18. By Jan 25th, we're #13!
Come home, baby A!
It makes total sense. I have learned from my journey that very often people can't always wrap their heads around decisions or life paths when they are not the status quo or their life experiences. That often leads to questions and comments that aren't meant to be negative or completely inappropriate, but most often are. I'm sorry you have to experience this.
As a teacher, I work with down syndrome children. You are so lucky to have your little one. She must bring so much unconditional and authentic love to you each day.
From a hopeful adoptive mom's point of view, I've received some rude and unsolicited comments and opinions, too. It really stinks and it makes things so much more difficult than they already are. I think that, a lot of times, people ask questions and give their opinions because they don't really know a lot about adoption and maybe don't realize that what they are saying is negative and hurtful.
I agree with the previous posters who have commented that you need to focus on what you feel in your heart is best for you and your children. People will say what they feel they need to say, and as tough as it is, sometimes you just have to turn your focus to something else.
Sending you good thoughts and strength!