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WWYD?

zombiemommyzombiemommy member
in Parenting after a Loss

So my little sister is a smoker. DH and I are both exsmokers, and I always swore I'd never become a self-righteous quitter, but here I am. Tonight my sister came over to see the boys. She works a lot, so she has only been able to see them twice. The minute she walked in, I could smell the cigarette smoke on her clothing and hair. The idea of boys laying directly on her and breathing that in kind of upset me, but I didn't have the stones to bring it up. My sister has an incredibly short fuse and the last thing I need right now is a screaming fight in my house.

This will obviously come up again, however, as she probably won't quit anytime soon. I know that even sitting next to her for two hours my asthmatic lungs were a little worse for wear, so I can't imagine it's good for the boys. Any thoughts?

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Re: WWYD?

  • Petunia844Petunia844 member
    That's a tough one, but I would not let her hold them like that.  Rather than confronting her on the spot though, maybe bring it up when she isn't actually there wanting to hold them?  Like when you're making plans try asking if she wouldn't mind not smoking right before she comes to see them?  Hopefully she will understand its not personal and just for their health.
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  • Karen1998Karen1998 member
    I think the recommendation is that they not smoke in confined spaces (i.e. smoke outside), change clothes, wash their hands and shower (if possible) before holding babies.  That being said, it's hard to bring that up in a way that's going to go over well with her.  If she's open to listening, you can try pulling and giving her copies of articles about baby health and the increase in asthma and other illnesses caused by being around smokers.  Though, I suspect she'll come back with, "Well, the few hours I see them isn't going to cause that."  Ultimately, though, it's up to you to decide whether it's a battle worth fighting.  
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  • adoxyinherearadoxyinherear member

    That's tricky :/ I'm not sure if that would be secondhand smoke in that case, but maybe you could bring up the dangers of it to her, if you think she'd be receptive? Esp. when it comes to sweet babies, I think folks are generally more understanding. GL!

    Also I think my life was crazy when you made your intro and I feel like I didn't get to say congratulations!!

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  • SouthernBellaKSSouthernBellaKS member

    imagePetunia844:
    That's a tough one, but I would not let her hold them like that.  Rather than confronting her on the spot though, maybe bring it up when she isn't actually there wanting to hold them?  Like when you're making plans try asking if she wouldn't mind not smoking right before she comes to see them?  Hopefully she will understand its not personal and just for their health.

    This exactly. And if she doesn't like, well, then too bad. I guess she won't be holding babies any time soon. My mom and step-father smoke, and even when I was PG the first time, I eventually had to have a conversation with my mom that when my step-dad lights up a cig, we're leaving. Which is what we were doing, she just didn't know it, but I wasn't going to be around somebody smoking while PG. So she talked to him, and it was never a problem this time around. 

    I get that it's a little bit different because she's not actually smoking around the baby, but who wants a baby that smells like that? I have little empathy for people taking offense to stuff like that. I'd feel the same way too if somebody was trying to hold E while wearing a ton of perfume/cologne simply because I don't want to risk it setting off some sort of reaction. 

    Good luck!


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