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BigIsland07
member
DH just took our dog to be put down
BigIsland07
member
DH just left for the vet. We've made the decision to put our dog down today. We've been talking about it with DS for about a week now, telling him our dog, "Is very old and she's hurting. Daddy is going to take her to the doctor on Saturday, and the doctor will help her die so she doesn't have to hurt anymore." We've been telling him that the vet will make it so she doesn't wake up anymore and won't move anymore, and that we won't see her again. We've told him that the dog will go to "puppy heaven" where her spirit will be happy and she can watch over us.
We just said goodbye to her. We had a family hug, told her we loved her and watched Daddy put her in the car and drive away. DS looked at me and said, "she'll be happy in puppy heaven. Can we watch cartoons now?"
I was totally prepared for that kind of response...I'm sure he doesn't really get it. But does anyone else have experience with this? How did your LOs react?
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Re: DH just took our dog to be put down
No experience with the death of pet but about 8 months ago my son's favorite Grandpa passed away. He was right about 3 years old when it happened and it has been his first and only encounter with death so far. Initially when it happened we told him that Grandpa got really sick and that he died and is now in heaven where he is happy and not sick anymore and that we wouldn't see him anymore. We kept it pretty simple. He didn't seem to have much of a reaction at all early on and would occasionally ask about seeing him and we would remind him that he was in heaven and that we wouldn't see him again and he would then change the subject quickly. It took a good 6 months before I think he started to understand it at all. He will now bring him up every once in a while and say that he is in heaven and then he'll express that he's sad and that he misses him. We validate his feelings, tell him it's OK to be sad and that we are too and that we all miss Grandpa very much. He does ask other people about where his Grandpa his, I think to see if they will tell him the same thing, so it's important that those people around you know the story and what to tell him if he asks.
It's been a really difficult concept for us to try to convey to our son what death and heaven mean but we try out best. I know he won't truly understand what it means till he is much older but for now we have to answer his questions. We remind ourselves that it is a good thing that he asks about his Grandpa so often and that it means he left an impact on our son in the 3 short years he had with him. Good luck to you and I am so sorry for your loss.
No experience. I wanted to say sorry for the loss of your fur baby. ::big hugs::
When we reach the time with our dogs, I would like to go the honest approach too.
We put our cat to sleep in April. My ds had the same type of reaction when we told him - he asked if we would get cake at a birthday party later that day. He was 4 1/2 at the time and my daughter was 2. She didn't really get it - she just said the cat went bye bye.
However, I wanted to say that within a month, my son started noticing things on TV about death. Whether it was the news, a program where someone got hurt - he would ask if that person died or was going to die. He definitely took the cat's death to heart and understood it more than I thought. So even if your ds doesn't seem fazed by it now, keep an eye on him over time to see if it manifests itself other ways and just listen to what he is saying. In the end, my son just needed reassurance that mommy and daddy were going to stick around and the death talk subsided.
I'm very sorry about your dog - it is a hard thing to deal with yourself - and then to have to put on a brave face for a child is doubly hard. Take care of yourself.
IUI- BFN IVF #1 -BFP! Allie is our 2nd IVF baby. Born at 36 1/2 weeks after pre-e again
First, I am so sorry for your loss.
We had to euthanize our cat this past fall. It didn't seem to phase him as much as I expected. We did talk about how she was no longer living and we used a book called "Lifetimes" that other wise bumpies recommended to me at the time. I think the book and our discussion did help him understand that she wasn't coming back and when it set in, he cried a tiny bit and so did I. We hugged and I explained that it was perfectly ok to miss her and be sad but that it was best that she was no longer suffering and that we should try to always remember the happy times with her. After that, he rarely mentioned her but every once in a while, would say that he missed her.
I didn't want to traumatize him but I didn't want him to not even notice or be part of the process. I think it was an important teaching moment and experience that he needed to have.
I'm so sorry. That's really hard. I think you've handled it really well. I bet you'll get lots of random questions over the next few months. My kids' great-grandma died in May, and we've had lots of questions just pop up here and there out of the blue...and a lot of very "concrete" type questions, like, "how did Grandma GET to heaven? In a car? Can she see us? Does Grandma still love us? Does Grandma go to the beauty salon in heaven? Where does she sleep?" etc.
So sorry again.