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October 2011 Moms
sharksfan
member
Can I vent? (long)
sharksfan
member
Sorry for the novel, but this whole fight with my ILs has me really disturbed, and I don't really have anyone to vent to. I don't like talking to anyone in my family about IL issues, because they'll hold those issues over my IL's heads forever. They are still DH's family, and I have to have a relationship with them when this all blows over.
So, DH's homecoming is about a 7 hour drive from where I live. He gets in on Thurs morning, and has off until Monday morning. He has to stay there for about a week to take care of things before coming home (he is a reservist). He'll need a car to bring all his gear and stuff home, but that won't be in until a few days before he is allowed to leave. So, I'm driving down with R. My plan is to take 2 days. I'll leave at R's normal bed time (6:30-7ish) and drive about 5 hours or so b/c R will be asleep anyway. The next morning, I plan to hang out in the area we're staying Tues night. Around the time of R's normal nap (which can take 1.5 to 2 hours), I'll do the last 2 hours of the drive. That way, R is pretty much asleep for most of the driving. Then, DH gets home Thurs, we hang out until Sun, and I fly home with Ronin, leaving DH with the car. We have another at home, no biggie.
So, today, ILs tell me that they are upset with DH for "making" me do the drive down. They don't like how he has "turned into someone that doesn't think about anyone but himself." I told them that was uncalled for and ridiculous. I'm a big girl that is capable of doing a 7 hour drive by myself. I told them that I didn't appreciate them bad-mouthing my husband (their son) when he wasn't here to defend himself. Then, MIL tells me that her upbringing was different from mine in that she was raised to stress concern for others and she hopes that her grandchildren are raised to value caring for others more than I do. I told her that she had no right to insult my upbringing. I told her that being concerned for me is fine, but insinuating that DH isn't concerned for anyone but himself bothered me. So, now FIL just sent me a text saying that he doesn't know what is wrong with me today and that he and MIL are "honest people with an emotional side toward our entire family of blind love. We are who we are." What the *** is that supposed to mean?! Now, they aren't going to DH's homecoming, and I have to tell DH about this whole fight so he isn't surprised when he lands and his parents aren't there to greet him.
I don't really know what I expect by writing this, I just am so pissed that I needed to vent to someone. If you made it through that rant, you deserve a prize! Thanks for listening!
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Re: Can I vent? (long)
She is basically saying that she raised him to be caring, but he has changed since being married to me since I'm a cold and unloving bish (that last part I added, but I know she thinks it). So, it's my fault he is selfish (which he isn't) because I've undone all the good she did in raising him.
This doesn't make any sense. How in the world does you driving the 7 hours to meet your husband for his homecoming with your son equal you not caring for others? You stood up for your husband who wasn't there to defend himself, are willing to make a 7 hour drive with a 1 year old and will fly home leaving your husband a car to make his trip home easier- overwhelming evidence that you are in fact awesome.
I have no idea what to say. I'm sorry this is happening. Stop by my house in LA on the way down and I will feed you and give you wine and cake.
Hang in there.
All I can say is wow! I totally side with what you are doing, and actually just did something similar a couple weeks ago. I packed Izzy into the car at 1am to pick DH up. We drove through the night and got home around 9am. It was so worth seeing him two days earlier than if we waited on the military. Every second counts since he left again this morning for a year.
Your IL's do not make any sense. I remember your other post about them being all bent out of shape about your holiday plans. From all that I think they have issues and it is coming out more and more because they never got over the other stuff.
All that matters is that you and your son are going to be reunited with your husband. All that other stuff is their own issues. This is your families happy time, sorry they are causing issues.
Seriously wtf is their problem? For some reason they continue to distance themselves from their son and his homecoming. Some reason I can't figure out. It doesn't make a lot of sense, and I'm sorry they're using you to pick fights. It's really unfair and I feel really sad for you.
ps none of what they said is true.
Also, if they're so concerned about how people are raised, it must stem from their families not teaching them about rudeness.
Exactly! I don't know much before this, but it seems like they want to show you so badly they that don't have an issue with you (even though they do) they take those emotions and turn them into insults (thinking they're being kind). "Oh, see- we're defending you, and we're angry at our son. We promise we like you as we kindly turn this knife in your back."
Stop stressing over it. They want to be azzholes, fine. You waited for so long to have your husband back, do not let them spoil this moment. This is your family's happy time and I find it appalling that your ILs cannot seem to stop causing drama.
Dude, wtf? Those people make no sense. At least they won't be there to ruin the moment? =/
I'm toasting to R sleeping the whole way so you can enjoy the peace and quiet of not having to deal with them at the homecoming.
PS: Overture was found dead at 11:33 PM. Murderer: Sharksy. Weapon: New sig.