How do I talk about what happened?
nmhrdz
member
My husband and I just lost our first baby last night at 6w2d. This is really devastating for us because we were so excited about it. It's also really hard to be writing this because this is only my second post in one of these forums and my first was all about our excitement to tell our family and friends at Christmas about our surprise.
I was just wondering, for anyone who's experienced it, what have you done to communicate to people at work why you're not there? We hadn't told anyone that we were expecting and I'm hesitant to talk about it, but I need to ask for some time off to heal physically and emotionally and I'm not sure that I'm willing to share what's happened because I don't want it to be communicated to my entire office. Any suggestions?
Re: How do I talk about what happened?
At work, only my managers knew that I was pregnant, and my m/c happened when I was on vacation so no one knew right away that anything was out of the ordinary. I'm slowly starting to tell people, but only when they asked specifically how my trip was or if they express concern about noticing that "something is up" with me. I'm finding that it has been helpful to let people know what happened without going into details, especially because I'm reacting to situations differently because off my crazy emotions. I've gotten a lot of support, and not the "pity" that I was afraid of. For people that I'm nnot quite ready to tell, I've just been telling them something like I've been going through a lot in the past couple weeks.
Hope this helps a little. Be good to yourself and hang in there. Sending thoughts and prayers your way!
Also, I give you props for not telling everyone right away. I was pressured to and announced mine on FB and then had to announce the mc on there as well.
Best of wishes to you and I'm sorry for your loss.
Check out my blog.
BFP #3: 2/14/13 EDD:10/16/2013 (Please stick little one)
**BFP#1 9/5/12 EDD 5/15/13 changed to 5/25/13 after u/s, missed mc 10/19/12. D and C 10/22/12**
BFP 4 10/28/19 EDD 7/6/20
**BFP#1 9/5/12 EDD 5/15/13 changed to 5/25/13 after u/s, missed mc 10/19/12. D and C 10/22/12**
BFP 4 10/28/19 EDD 7/6/20
HUGS
I was upfront and honest about it. Everyone at work knew we we're expecting so there was no way I could "not tell anyone".
Well, we announced to both our families on Thanksgiving and then the next day found out that LO's heartbeat wasn't there and had stopped growing 2 weeks prior. So I texted my mom and my sister to spread the news for us on my side of the family (only to those who knew) and DH spoke with his parents for them to relay the news for his side of the family.
I had a dinner with a g/f last Friday night (the same day we received the news) and my OB suggested I still keep the plans to try and have support while I wrapped my head around what the heck was going on. So I ended up telling her in person, 2 g/fs by text who had recently experienced miscarriages, my best friend by text since I wasn't responding to calls for a few days and then another g/f who I was supposed to help move this weekend (I just took the cytotec and took off the whole weekend).
For work, I told my assistant and my business partner, both didn't know I was pregnant. For everyone else in the office and for clients, I just said that I had a medical matter to attend to that I needed to take care of. I agree, no matter how nosy people get, stand your ground if you don't feel like sharing the details with them.
My sincerest condolences. This was our first pg and we were quite excited as well. I know time heals. But it sure is a b! to go through something like this. Sending you lots of hugs and positive healing.
I just mc my first on Monday as well. I was 6 w5d. I only work part time outside of the home, supposed to be mon thru we'd this week, but I took the whole week off.
A cowroker and friend has a young child and I knew my emotions would be far too wacky to go to work, not to mention wearing these stupid enormous pads. I did tell my boss what happened by email, also a woman. She told me to take as much time as I needed and that she wouldnt say anything. Im not sure what I'm going to tell my coworkers I had, I guess just be vague and say sick.
One texted me yesterday to see if I was coming in and when I said no, she asked if it was the flu.
I also own my own photo business, newborns and families. I just emailed all my clients I'm taking now until next Friday off for medical reasons. I think many of the women can read thru it and see what's going. So far they have all been understanding.
So sorry for your loss, know that you are not alone. Even though I don't know you, I'm right there with you.
I am so sorry for your loss. My DH and I had not told anyone our news after our BFP, but we only had 16 days until my tube ruptures and I had emergency surgery.
I had great friends, family, and my work give us support, which I was, and still so thankful for.
You do not have to tell others about what happened unless you are comfortable with them knowing. I felt bad the first time I told someone about it, I kinda let it all out and told them a lot of details.... The poor dear, I probably freaked her out. I didn't have a "cliff notes" version in my head yet, I only had the "5-disc-extended-special-edition" version, yikes!
I don't talk about it much now, but that also has to do with others thinking that I must "be over it" by now. I haven't had a meltdown in a few weeks, but I think about it everyday.
Again, I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.
Mrsfunk07
Thank you so much for all of the advice and sharing your experiences. Today I'm feeling really angry and upset. It's going to be hard to go back to work because I work for a nonprofit that specifically focuses on moms and babies. I'm not sure how I'm going to feel once I walk back in to my office. I have fears of breaking down crying and having to go home.
I've ended up staying vague about what has happened...I've been able to blame it on the cold I've been fighting off for the last few days. I'm not sure I can still do that once Monday rolls around. I might have to break down and tell my supervisor in case I just can't make it through the day.
Last night was especially hard because a good friend just told me she was pregnant. It felt so much like insult to injury hearing that, but I tried to stay positive and focus on her. How have you coped with friend or family that are pregnant while you're experiencing your own loss?
It can be really difficult to be around pregnant women and babies. I think it's important to take each day at a time, and constantly re-evaluate how you are feeling.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Sending you positive thoughts,
Mrsfunk07