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Natural Birth
My only home birth fear
Alright ladies, help me out here! I'm hoping that this is a totally irrational fear and you can all tell me how it is going to be ok and I'm being silly!
After you give birth, the midwife makes sure everything is ok, and then... right away, you're left with a newborn baby in your house. Then what?! In a hospital, you're in a room and checked on by doctors and nurses and stay in the hospital for a little bit (usually overnight), so that transition from being a couple to a family seems a bit slower and more gradual, giving you time to get used to the idea of having a newborn with people around to help and tell you what to do. Once the midwife leaves, you don't have any of that support at home, and that definitely scares me.
I've been living away from my family for a long time, and my access to children at all has been limited. I don't even think I remember how to hold a baby, let alone a newborn, or change a diaper or anything like that. Spouse has never been around very many children so his experience is even less than mine. I'm nervous about getting used to it all and the two of us feeling overwhelmed and alone. The hope is that my mom would be there once the baby is born, but all of that is up in the air at the moment and we won't know for sure for a little bit.
Advice?
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Re: My only home birth fear
Honestly you probably will feel at least a bit overwhelmed and alone in the beginning. But- that is true regardless of where you birth- if not at home, you might feel it once you get home from the hospital. And you might be overestimating the amount of real help you get in the hospital- I was there 3 days and for the most part we were left alone by the nursing staff except for an assessment once a shift and if I needed pain meds. So yes, there was "help" and support available, but it's not like the nurses were in the room all day teaching us how to parent and dropping pearls of baby wisdom.
How long does your MW stay after the birth? Does your MW do postpartum home visits? When? Are you interested in a postpartum doula? Do you have friends who have had kids that can come check on you for a couple days?
You will figure it out. Plenty of parents have never been around babies- they learn on the job and do a fantastic job.
Exactly this. While the hospital staff was nice I still found them incredibly intrusive. I would just fall asleep and the would pop in to check my bleeding or check something with the baby... All I could think about is how much I wanted to be sleeping in my own bed and taking a shower in my own bathroom. You couldn't have paid me to stay there another hour. We will definitely be doing either a birth center or home birth for my next baby. I think my lack of comfort and rest the day following the birth contributed to a longer recovery time. There is something to be said about having the hardest workout of your life and being able to immediately curl up in your own bed!
I wouldn't say that this is an irrational fear at all. It's certainly something to think about prior to the birth so that you can plan appropriately. PP are right - you're probably giving the hospital staff too much credit and overestimating the amount of support you'd get there. Remember, they're medical professionals not early childhood or parenting specialists. I think people often give doctors and nurses too much credit as far as their parenting advice goes (particularly once our babies are here and we speak with pediatricians).
Your midwife will likely provide a lot of support in this area. My MW reviewed infant care and recommendations at 2 of our appointments. It was pretty brief since I was a STM, but for first timers she goes pretty in-depth. She then stayed for a few hours after birth to help if I needed anything. She called 2x a day and visited every other day for a week. I certainly felt like if I hadn't been prepared to care for an infant, I could have figured it out with her help.
You can look into infant care classes at a local hospital or baby boutique to help you feel more comfortable, too. That will help with you all of the diapering, bathing, dressing, etc. type of stuff if you feel like you're nervous about all of that. Ultimately, the newborn days are about getting to know your little one since all babies are different and won't follow what you've read/heard/learned exactly anyway. You find your own way. A way that works for you and your family. GL!
My midwives stay for at least 2 hours after the birth. They then return at 24 hours post birth and 3 days after birth. They will also return at any other point that you need.
PPs suggestion of a baby care class is a good one, as is the postpartum doula suggestion.
Frankly, newborns sleep a lot the first few days. And really, they only need 3 things: sleep, food, and diaper changes. You figure it out pretty quickly.
GL!
I echo the others in saying that you'll definitely figure things out, but this is something to plan ahead for to help you and your husband feel more comfortable in caring for your newborn.
We took a "caring for your newborn" class thru our hospital before our first, so you might do that together to feel more comfortable with what to expect.
Definitely bring this up with you are interviewing homebirth midwives (or with yours if you already have one), and I'm sure they'll have lots of resources and reassurances. They can tell you about their post-partum care and maybe refer you to some post-partum doulas in your area.
Most homebirth midwives do several post-partum visits and are available for phone calls in between. I was a second time mom for my homebirth but they indicated that they provide lots of emotional support for new moms and really make sure they are doing well and watch out for if they are freaking out or having post-partum depression issues or nursing problems. The awesome thing about a homebirth is your midwives will know you really well by the end due to the personal one-on-one care, so they might be more likely than hospital staff to spot if you're having any issues.
The Happiest Baby on the Block has a good DVD that shows you how to calm an upset newborn and how to swaddle them really well (helps them chill out and feel like they're all snugged up back in womb-land). I would recommend you and your husband watching that together. We watched it in our Bradley class and it was great and really worked well with soothing our babies.
Changing diapers is really not that hard, and if you do it "wrong" the worst result is that things leak out onto their clothes. Fortunately you get lots of practice right away!
You and your DH will be old hands in no time.
My first birth in the hospital, I too did NOT find hospital staff helpful at all. They hindered me more than anything.
My son was feeding every 30-40 minutes, and I would just close my eyes for 5 f***king minutes and in walks a nurse to see if I'm feeding my baby ok.
Breastfeeding and pregnant!
Sometimes, I'm hilarious.
Newborns generally just sleep anyway it is a couple weeks later that things start getting rough. And the midwives will come to your house lots.
Cons of hospital stay:
Interrupted all the freaking time for checks on you or checks on the baby.
Pros of hospital stay:
They have lactation consultants on staff 24 hours a day and that was very helpful as I was learning breastfeeding.
The hospital staff will swaddle your baby and put it in a bassinet next to your bed. Other than that they dont' do anything for you unless you ring them and need help. And even then, its only if you need help, not just "hey take my baby I want a nap"
Most hospitals dont put babies newborn nurseries for no reason
When I had DD, I ended up having to transfer to the hospital and stay overnight. I hated it. The nurses were more disruptive than helpful; all they really did was come in every few hours and take our vitals. This time, I am hoping for a birth center birth and will plan on going home after several hours if everything goes smoothly.
Those mama instincts will kick in so quickly - you'll be surprised
Try not to worry. it will be so nice to be in your own space and be able to cuddle as a new family. The hospital was so uncomfortable and there were constant interruptions.
growing a foosa
You are all awesome. I knew I'd find the support I needed here! =D
It never really occurred to me that the hospital staff would be intrusive, but that makes total sense and I think I would hate it. And this is obviously my first, so it sounds like I definitely have an idea in my head of how involved they would be that is completely inaccurate. At the end of the day, I was never going to not stay home because of this fear, but it is something I've been thinking about a lot and worrying. Unfortunately, we don't really have any family or friends around that would be able to come by and see how we were doing, so unless people fly out to see us and meet the baby (which at this point, is hopefully my mom, dad, brother, and my best friend (godmother)) we will be on our own. Which I think is partially why I'm so worried about this- if we were living near the family, there would be people around to come help us and check on us and all of that, so we are a bit stranded when it comes to the support system living across the country.
And I think I definitely need to look into some more classes!
Thanks, everyone. And any other advice/stories/etc. is more than welcome!