Late Term and Child Loss

***PgAL Check-In***

Hello Ladies,Welcome to Thursday PGAL Check-In! I hope I find you all well and positive this week! If you have any questions you would like answered, please don't be shy! You can also ask the PAL ladies. Bake, little buns, bake! :)How far along are you? What size fruit is your baby this week?Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones?QOTW: What has been the hardest challenge you have had to face with this pregnancy so far?Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Third Birthday tickers

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Re: ***PgAL Check-In***

  • How far along are you? What size fruit is your baby this week?I'm 6 weeks 6 days.  This week baby is a sweet pea (which I think is super cute!)
    Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones?We had our first appointment this week.  We saw a heartbeat and it was amazing.  I was so worried about the ultrasound after our last experience with one (finding out our son no longer had a heart beat) but it turned out to be a very happy experience.
    QOTW: What has been the hardest challenge you have had to face with this pregnancy so far?I'm so early in this pregnancy, it's hard for me to imagine all of the challenges that we'll face over the next eight months.  To this point it was trying to accept that this pregnancy is really happening and could have a positive outcome.  After our first pregnancy ended in stillbirth, I'm having a really hard time convincing myself that that might not happen again.  It's been hard to feel connected to this pregnancy because of that, but I feel like I'm starting to move beyond that.
    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?Starting to plan our 1 year angelversary celebration.  It seems weird to use the word "celebrate" in reference to the death of our son, but I really want it to be a happy occasion to remember him.  Deciding who we want to be there and how many supplies we need to buy (we're making mosaic stepping stones for our memorial garden).  I can hardly believe that our angel has been gone for almost a year and that we're planning for another baby to join our family this summer.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

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  • How far along are you? What size fruit is your baby this week?

    6 weeks 5 days. Baby is a sweet pea.  

    Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones?

    My confirmation and dating ultrasound is tomorrow morning.  I am so afraid they wont see anything.  Since the ultrasound is being done at the hospital by a tech, am also afraid he/she wont be able to tell me what the see. 

    QOTW: What has been the hardest challenge you have had to face with this pregnancy so far?

    It's been hard to feel happy about this pregnancy.  I am just so scared. My husband and I haven't really talked about the possibility of this being our take home baby.  He did bring up telling people, and he said "we can't tell anyone till way into the New Year right?"  I just said "I don't know" and he replied "I'm keeping my mouth shut".  That pretty much sums up how I am feeling.  Last time, before I told anyone, I felt like I had this wonderful little secret, and would catch myself smiling for no reason.  I don't feel that this time.

    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

    Just getting through tomorrow and praying to God that there is a heartbeat.   

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

    BFP #1 Jan. 2011 - mmc Mar. 2011 
    BFP #2 Aug. 2011 - My sleeping angel Stella, born April 21, 2012 
    BFP #3 Nov. 2012 - mmc Dec. 2012
    BFP #4 April 2013 - mc May 2013
    BFP #5 Sept. 2013 - EDD 5.24.14
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  • How far along are you? What size fruit is your baby this week?Nearing the end of week 20, so the length of a banana. 
    Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones?Appt. and u/s next Friday. 
    QOTW: What has been the hardest challenge you have had to face with this pregnancy so far?During my first sono at 6 weeks, they told me I had a bicornuate uterus. They didn't discover this with Patricia's pregnancy and my OB says it did not cause her death, but her death was unexplained so this discovery gives me a whole new set of fears. Especially since I am now feeling baby girl move and kick a LOT and it is exactly the same as Patricia because she is on the same side of my ute. 
    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?My fears regarding the above. I have had a lot of anxiety about it. I am thankful we have an u/s next week and I will ask a LOT of questions. We will also have weekly u/s and bpps from 28 onward so I hope this will put my mind at ease a little bit.


      Our Angel Patricia born sleeping 3/30/12 at 31 weeks
    Our Fighter Anna born early 1/8/13 at 26 weeks
    Hoping to bring home #3 due 9/9/15
  • How far along are you? What size fruit is your baby this week?I am 23 weeks and 5 days.  So a grapefruit becoming a cantaloupe.  We got to see Ada today--she was measuring a little ahead (though I think the tech wasn't that accurate with her measurements).  But she came out at 1 lb 9 oz. 
     
    Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones?We have our next OB appt. in a week and a half or so.  We just had a our last cervical check today.  That is nerve wracking that we won't be looking at the cervix anymore.  And Saturday is 24 weeks.  It is a tiny bit helpful to know that if I go into PTL again at this point they will at least try to save the baby, though there is still so, so much to be scared of.

    QOTW: What has been the hardest challenge you have had to face with this pregnancy so far?I think right now is a particular hard time.  We'd been checking the cervix every 2 weeks just to make sure all looked good.  It had been about 36-37 mm every time and this time around it was more like 33 mm.  Actually on first measure the tech wasn't measuring the curve, but just drew a straight line which is obviously shorter than a curved line and it was less than 30mm.  My wife had to ask her specifically to draw a curved line and then it was longer.  It's not a big change at all, but of course I would have rather seen 36-37 mm again.  I did some googling I shouldn't have done and found some stuff saying 35 mm + is average for 24 weeks meaning I'm below average.  I don't know if it really means anything bad at all, but I spent awhile freaking out about it today.  Now we are debating whether to consult with the MFM again and whether the tech was totally incompetent and whether we should ask for future measurements or whether getting more information could just freak us out more.
     
    Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?Just whether we will ever get to breath any real sigh of relief in this pregnancy.  I think it gets clearer and clearer that the answer is no.  Sometimes I worry, what if it doesn't end even if I do get a healthy living baby.  What if I am this anxious about everything that could happen to her *after* she is born too?
    BFP #1 9/21/11. EDD 6/4/12.  Twins discovered at 8 weeks. Twin B lost at 14 weeks due to megacystis.  Alice Joe born and lost 1/5/12 at 18.5 weeks due to pre-term labor.

    BFP #2 7/11/12.  EDD 3/23/13.  Ada Alice born 3/20/13.

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  • imageBayberry12:

    My confirmation and dating ultrasound is tomorrow morning.  I am so afraid they wont see anything.  Since the ultrasound is being done at the hospital by a tech, am also afraid he/she wont be able to tell me what the see. 

      

    We had our appointment on Tuesday and this is EXACTLY how I felt.  Walking into a room with an ultrasound machine made me tear up instantly because of what it might find.  Seeing that little flicker of a heartbeat turned out be be a very happy moment for DH and I, and I'm sending good thoughts that it is for you as well!  Good luck at your appointment!  Here's hoping for happy, healthy July babies!

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

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  • How far along are you? What size fruit is your baby this week?  I am 26 weeks 5 days and the size of a head of lettuce Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones?  I have my glucose tolerance test on Monday QOTW: What has been the hardest challenge you have had to face with this pregnancy so far?  Trying to stay positive and letting myself enjoy the happy moments.   Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?  It has been 8 weeks since my last u/s and I have convinced myself that something is wrong. I really hope that my doctor will let me have another u/s soon!



    My angel Avery- 2/16/12, My rainbow Blake= 3/4/13, Joyfully awaiting #3 5/11/15
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