Vanishing Twin Ladies...

YankeeNavyWife · November 2012

(This might be long and "rambly", please bear with me)

I don't know if it's because I'm paranoid, scared or if it's just because I turned 31 years old today (and I feel ancient)... but I'm starting to really panic that my one remaining baby is not still "in" me.

No, to be clear, I have had no bleeding/aches/pains. I've just passed the 13 week mark (I'll hit 14 weeks on Monday), and most of my symptoms have gone away as the books say they should have. I can't say I'm brimming with extra energy, but I'm no longer napping during the day. My boobs no longer ache and burn when I put on a bra. I'm still constipated and cranky and feel "full" but other than that, I feel less pregnant now then ever. It's too early to feel kicking and since I'm a bit "fluffy" around the middle, I have no speakable bump.

Am I worried over nothing? Has IF totally screwed me out of happiness during this whole pregnancy? Am I the only one who has lost one twin without knowing, that worries she'll go to her next OB appointment and find out that the other one has passed too?

My next OB and therapist appointments aren't until Wednesday and I'm tourturing myself looking at the symptoms/side effects of a missed miscarriage.

Any of you ladies feel the same way? How do you cope/deal?

Also, we haven't announced to anyone (not even our parents) that we're expecting. I'm just not comfortable enough to spill the beans because I'm freaked out. I've seen about 5 of my FB friends announce that they're pregnant and they are do weeks after me. I wish I was as confident and happy as they are.

amd1982 · November 2012

Yankee - what you're feeling is totally normal. I'm 31w4d with twin and i still worry that somethings going on with one of them (like one's not moving as much, etc). so please know that what you're feeling is totally normal. yes i feel like IF does steal some of that carefree attitude that other pregnant women seem to have. the only thing i can tell you is that my 2nd tri was when i felt the absolute best, and i didn't even feel pregnant at all.

in the beginning i was tired, achy/painful breasts, all of those typical first tri annoyances. then 2nd tri hit and the energy came back, i barely knew my boobs existed and i just had fun registering for things and looking at baby rooms in magazines. but always in the back of my mind i woried "were both babies ok?" it's been a difficult mind game.

the best piece of advice i can give you is stay off google. i kept googling missed miscarriages, then when we started having a cord flow issues i googled that and freaked out. and here we are 5 weeks later and things are still ok. listen to your doctors and nurses, eat plenty of protein, get rest and drink tons of water. those are all things that i believe have kept me going during this pregnancy. i wish you the best - and i'm sure everything with your babies is A-ok take care of yourself! try and relax as much as possible....babies definitely sense anxiety. rub your tummy and talk to them it will be therapy for all of you!

Mrkyrain · November 2012

What you are feeling is totally normal. I worried for a long time. Well, I am 38 weeks on Monday and still worry about everything but you sill stop worrying about your remaining baby vanishing. I talked to my doctor about this. He said that having one vanish has no connection to the second baby. They are basically two different pregnancies. Try to relax and enjoy.

k8teeinTX · November 2012

I'm feeling this exact same way, as I just found out on Wednesday that our Twin "B" didn't make it. I don't have any advice, but I just wanted you to know you're not alone in being scared for your remaining baby. To top off my general concern, I haven't really had ANY pg symptoms (mild nausea that went away at 7 weeks) and have had a couple episodes of spotting with a scarier bleed last night. Needless to say, I haven't been sleeping well with all the worry, but I do feel better about things with each week that goes by. My BFF just gave me her doppler yesterday, so I'm hoping that I'll feel better once I can hear LO's hb on that. Of course, feeling movement will ease my mind a bit as well, but we're a long way off from that...I guess I just figure having children ultimately leads to a lifetime of worry/concern for them, so I might as well get used to it now! Good luck and hang in there!!

rjade9 · November 2012

Like pp said, what you are feeling is so normal and you will more thank likely feel this way the whole pregnancy. I am 32w5d, in the hospital, and get monitored twice a day and I STILL am worried when I havn't felt him move for a while. I think it just comes with being pregnant obviously but especially with IF.

You have to try to relax (I know easier said than done) and just remember that you are pregnant today and enjoy it! FWIW we had a vanishing twin also. Once you start to feel kicks you will be a little more at ease, but then you will obsess over how many and how long it will be since the last one.

mdluv21 · November 2012

Totally felt the same way and luckily my Ob or MFM would see me to ease my worries after losing twins at 18 weeks and then losing one twin at 9.5 weeks thus pregnancy.

After 13 weeks I also got a Doppler. I wasn't ure if it was a good idea but it helped me. Hang in there.

phishgirl29 · November 2012

I was thinking about you this week Yankee. I was so sure that on Wednesday at our NT scan they were going to tell us that we lost our baby A. I didn't calm down until I saw the heartbeat myself! I'm still nervous, but the ultrasound tech was awesome, and avoided showing us baby B's remains, and because the baby was super stubborn, we had about 45 minutes of viewing time which we had the opportunity to see all 4 chambers of the heart, pumping away. Seeing baby A, alive and looking more like a human has made the difference for me. When is your next ultrasound/appointment? GL to you!

YankeeNavyWife · November 2012

phishgirl29:
I was thinking about you this week Yankee. I was so sure that on Wednesday at our NT scan they were going to tell us that we lost our baby A. I didn't calm down until I saw the heartbeat myself! I'm still nervous, but the ultrasound tech was awesome, and avoided showing us baby B's remains, and because the baby was super stubborn, we had about 45 minutes of viewing time which we had the opportunity to see all 4 chambers of the heart, pumping away. Seeing baby A, alive and looking more like a human has made the difference for me. When is your next ultrasound/appointment? GL to you!

Thanks ladies... I feel cheated out of that euphoric pregnancy that movies/tv/magazines and even THIS website glorify. IF took it away from me and losing a baby made it worse.

I appreicate the thoughts and advice more than you know. I've been feeling rather alone and scared thinking about all that COULD go wrong even though I have no physical reason to think so. DH is being supportive and telling me not to worry and that he's positive baby is fine. I'm glad he's confident about it, but I just can't get there.

My next appointment is this coming Wednesday and I cannot wait (I was seen at 10 weeks and I'll be 14 weeks on Wednesday. There proticol is to have you seen every 6 weeks which freaks me out, I got this appointment moved because I cried to the social worker they make you see after you lose a baby) My OB isn't easy to get seen at unless it's an emergency (even then they send you to the ER or L&D) so I'm sure they'll just schedule me for another u/s in 4-6 weeks. Maybe if I explain to the doctor that I'm not just a headcase and have an actual reason for feeling like I do, he can give me some reassurance and guidence that I have yet to recieve from any medical professional.

CarionHeart · November 2012

I was not so fortunate as to be carrying twins at any point, but what you are feeling is very normal. I remember making a post somewhere close to my 14wks expressing the same thing. When most/all of my symptoms were gone, I was constantly paranoid and worried that something was wrong or that my body would just give up the game since it didn't want to do this in the first place. Over time when you have good news from apts and especially when you can finally feel LO moving, your fears will ease a little bit. They never go away completely, but the easing helps. I didn't actually start enjoying my pregnancy at all until my a/s that was at 18wk5d. I got to see that the baby was fine, everything was functional and growing properly, the baby was already 11oz (which from what I can tell is heavier than the average around that time), and found out I was having a son. It was probably the most comforting apt I've had so far because even hearing the HB at the previous apts didn't calm my trepidation on something going wrong.

As for when you might feel movement being "fluffy": I'm a heavier gal myself and I know I had a couple of movement episodes early on (one night at 13 wks which was a one minute deal, and around 16wks for one night) but LO is moving almost everyday now. The nearly everyday started around 19-20wks for me, which could be early-ish since I believe he's a big boy compared to the "average" and where he chooses to reside. However, once those movements become more regular, that also helps a lot with the worries and concerns. Also, my "bump" wasn't really noticeable to me until the night after my a/s. I really hope this helps a bit, and if you need someone to chat with don't hesitate to PM. GL hun!

kaf7 · November 2012

I felt this way about my singleton at the 11-12 week mark. I felt better after my nuchal and after 13 weeks I started to be able to tell my belly was growing. Normal feelings for sure but understandably not fun ones.

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