Frustrated/CO(long)
emme022
member
I am so frustrated at the moment, or more like frustrated for my SO and frustrated at watching things not work out for him.
This year was BM's year for Thanksgiving and because of the way parenting time worked out, she ended up having LO for a week, SO dropped her off Monday and got her back the next monday. The day after Thanksgiving is LO's birthday so SO asked if it would be possible for him to be able to see her for an hour. BM said no because she had Black Friday shopping to do, SO knew she would prob say no but he was still sad about it.
This year is also BM's year to have XMas eve and Xmas day until 6pm, SO then gets LO from 6pm the 25th to 6pm the 26th. He had hoped to use 2 vacation days so he could have LO on the 27th as well so he could go see his family out of state. When the CO was drafted it originally said that each parents has 2 weeks of vacation and that the vacation time can also be divided up but the line about it being able to be divided was crossed out at the hearing since at the time both lawyers said it was"implied" and didn't need to be there. When SO told me that at the time I thought it didnt make sense since nothing should really be implied but I figured what did I know and it was too late anyways. Well that not being in there bit him in the but because BM is obv refusing to let him have that time and also reminded him that when he does take his vacation time(next years) it has to be from Friday at 5pm to the following sunday at 5pm is also kind of unfortunate.
SO still really wants LO to be able to do christmas stuff with his family and they are still having something on the 27th so he asked to have that day since it is also in there CO that the parents need to accommodate if there is a family event/celebration. Hopefully BM will allow this but it is also not looking good since she has already denied this time before when SO wanted to take LO to her cousin's birthday party.
This post probably didn't make any sense and I think he and I are both just frustrated because these are a few things in a long list of things that have been problematic lately and the CO has only been in effect since August. BM is still also refusing to do any of the driving, even though it is in the CO that it's to be shared and lately I dread when he comes back from a pick up/drop off because 9 times out of 10 there will be a new problem. I am hoping once the holidays are over things might be a little bit easier but who knows.
Re: Frustrated/CO(long)
If the hearing officers said that it is implied that vacation time can be divided up, then you can go with that. Hearings are recorded and you can get a copy of what was said if need be. Just have SO send BM an email "I will be using x days of my vacation time from 12/x-12/x so that DD can enjoy Christmas with my side of the family."
BM doesn't really have grounds to stand on, SO doesn't need her permission to follow the CO.
I am sorry for you/your SO. As a BM a hate hearing stuff like this - I just don't understand not working to accommodate the other parent (provided they make an effort too) because it's in the child's best interests. And I may need to start a whole other rant about Black Friday - I mean WTF - now on Thanksgiving we have to worry about shopping competing with family time? It goes against everything I love about the holiday. They've already spoiled xmas for me with all the emphasis on consumerism...it's ridiculous your SO couldn't see his daughter around her birthday.
On a more practical note, your SO might need to get details in the CO worked out better. Document what's not working, especially when his BM doesn't accommodate family events and what-not that are outlined in the CO. My DH has a BM that really uses every opportunity to not cooperate, to not share educational information, to not share medical information, to not share tax credits (she had him one more day than he did for 3 years in a row - they have 50/50 custody) she is very, very frustrating. He is going to court in 3 weeks to modify the CO for the 3rd time...everything he is going to get ironed out was a detail he thought they would be able to work through amicably, or at least with a mediator...not so. I also recommend finding a better attorney if necessary - I am not impressed by the "that's implied" thing...IMO nothing can be implied if you've gotten to the stage where you need a CO.
I can't offer any advice other than what other pp's have suggested, but I just wanted to know that I hear your frustration!
I have heard others state that the more specific the CO is, the better, and I think this is the case with your SO and his ex.
It really annoys me that parents use the child to "get even"with the other parent.
The one who suffers is the child.
I am a step mother who is lucky to have a SS whose mother realizes that her son needs his dad as much as he needs her and works with us on most issues.