Need Advice/Encouragment

lime_ladybug · December 2008

Hi Everyone! I don't post too often, but I have a question for you all regarding staying home/quitting job etiquette.

Some background info: I am a nurse and returned to work on Nov. 4. I work part time, nights--six 12 hour shifts per month. It didn't sound like a lot to me, prior to going back. I thought it would work out well because my DH could watch DD while I work and then I could just "nap when she naps" and still be a SAHM like I've always planned to be. However, working nights (7pm-7am), it is necessary for me to sleep both the day before and the day after I work and "napping when she naps" isn't working. I feel like a zombie for 2 days after my shift is over, and then it's time to go back again. Also, I EBF and I'm afraid my milk supply is dwindling (when I pump at work, I only get out 2 ounces total, if I'm lucky). I always wanted to be a SAHM, but decided to return to work because I really enjoy nursing and it's hard to return to the field if you're out for too long. However, I do plan on eventually getting my Master's degree so that I can get my Nurse Practitioner license, so I won't necessarily be returning to the "same" field (floor nursing).

Anyways, I just started this new job in May 2008. I went on maternity leave after only 3 months of employment (my boss new that I'd be going on leave when she hired me) and then returned after 3 months of leave. I've been back for a month. Basically, I feel that I'm not providing the best care for my patients because the whole time I'm at work, I'm worrying about my DD, my milk supply, and I'm tired because I haven't slept prior to the shift. I also feel that when working, I'm not providing the best care for my DD because I'm super tired. I really want to just quit my job and stay at home. Financially, we can do it just fine...we've been using my income to add to our savings, and pay down our only debt (our vehicle...only $5000 more to go to be debt-free except our house), so we're used to living off of DH's income.

My question is, should I quit or should I try "toughing it out" for a few more months to see if it gets easier? And, if I quit, how should I go about telling my boss? She's been so great to me with leave and everything and I hate to cut her staffing, as there is a huge nursing shortage in our area and she just got Cardiology staffed to where it should be. Thanks for any input and sorry this is so long!

teach2183 · December 2008

It will get a little easier as DC gets older. But you need to do what's best for you and your family. Could you cut back to 4 shifts/week or possibly shorter shifts (8 instead of 12)? I don't know how the scheduling works obviously. If it's impacting your supply, that could in theory be an issue. But, how much is DC waking at night? At the age your DC is, my DD wasn't waking much, if at all, at night. So if I tried pumping at night, I would not likely get anything since I would have been sleeping otherwise.

I would probably try and see what my options are before completely quitting. You may want to use this boss as a reference in the future, so you want to leave on good terms. At a minimum, give at least 2 weeks notice, if not longer.

lime_ladybug · December 2008

Thanks for your response! If I do end up quitting, I will definitely give plenty of notice, as I would never want to leave on bad terms. My DD has been STTN since she was 8 weeks old, but stopped when I went back to work, so I don't get much milk out during the night for that reason. However, I got really worried about it, and with the lack of sleep, my daytime supply started to dwindle...I've got it fixed for now, I think, but I had to take herbal supplements...Anyways, thanks for taking time to read my super long post and to give me your input. Smile

JDCSKF · December 2008

I was a police dispatcher prior to having DD. It's a high stress and demanding job, just like nursing. I went back to work part time for a couple of months, and it just didn't work for me. I needed to be fully rested and alert to do my job. I couldn't just work on autopilot anymore.

Is there anyway you can work per diem? Basically, fill in when ever someone wants to take vacation time, or just fill in the gaps in staffing. I have a friend who does this and she works maybe two days per week on average, and her shifts are 6 hours or less.

mandymack · December 2008

Oh my gosh, you are juggling so much on so little sleep, you poor thing!

With your job, it doesn't seem "sleep while baby sleeps" is going to be adequate AT ALL because, whether your child STTN or not, naps at that age are frequent and SHORT so, your sleep can't be of high quality... I have no idea how you are doing what you are doing as it is because I feel like a zombie on less than 10 hours sleep!

From what you wrote, It's obvious you really love your job and are trying to do what is right by your employer but it's also obvious that this situation is physically and emotionally draining you and might not be safe for you and your patients. I totally agree that you working part time might not be best for your family right now and speaking to your boss about fewer shifts if not just quitting would be best. Being honest and explaining why your situation isn't working, as well as giving adequate notice to your boss would probably be most appreciated and try not to feel guilty: your boss knew you would be going on leave soon after being hired and that there is a chance for all employees to not return to work at all after maternity leave so, I'm sure she has considered you not coming back and/or not being happy once you returned. This happens all the time and she has not reason to NOT give you a good reference in the future should you need one if you don't burn bridges when you quit.

Best of luck in your decision, it seems you have really thought it through!

lime_ladybug · December 2008

Thanks so much, you guys have really made me feel better about the decision. I really feel that my "calling" is to be a SAHM, and while many people that I work with haven't been able to empathize with me on this, I really appreciate that you all have...there's just something inside of me that desires to be home with her. I thought the part-time nights position would do it (kind of give me the "best of both worlds", but it's just not working--I'm not able to be the mother that I want to be, nor the nurse that I want to be (I like what pp said about not being able to go on "auto-pilot"). I think I will go talk to my manager on Monday and lay it all out. If she offers me an "On-Call" position (required to work 1 night per month), then I'll take it, and if not, I will give my notice and leave on good terms. Thanks again, and I will probably be joining in on posting more since I will officially be a SAHM!

KL777 · December 2008

This is a personal decision for you. I personally would put in a two week notice.

pinkmacy · December 2008

Well I would suggest a couple of options. 1. Hire a baby sitter the day before and the day after just for a few hours so you can catch up on naps. 2. Just quit, your boss is not in your life and though it is sweet of you to be concerned for her feelings she isn't the one walking around like a zombie being miserable and giving up what she wants the most. Goodness forbid but what if you make a very bad error at work due to your lack of sleep? Take this as your body telling you that it's not a good idea to be doing all of this right now. I would just explain to your boss that you just can't juggle it anymore and you don't feel like your being fare to anyone anymore. If she tries to talk you into staying just blame it on your husband and say that he really is suggesting that you stay home and you don't have a choice. Being a stay at home mom is great and I think that if it was a perfect world all moms should be able to stay with their babies for the most part.

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