As if IF isn't bad enough.. stress on friendships (kids mentioned) — The Bump
Trouble TTC

As if IF isn't bad enough.. stress on friendships (kids mentioned)

So my BFF since Middle School is a fertile. She has 4 kids, all unplanned, has complained about getting KU each time and her unsupportive SO. I've been there for her through all of it!!! Lately she has taken to complaining about her fussy baby and how her SO doesn't help her out, etc. etc. I finally had to tell her that it upsets me when she complains about her baby... rational or not... it upsets me so please don't.

She went off on me!!! Telling me its impossible to talk to me any more because everything upsets me! Oh, and we "both know she can't magically make my pregnant so what do I expect her to do".

This is my BFF! She never asks me about my IF or whats going on, but I'm suppose to listen to her whine about her family?? UGGGHHHHH!!!

Thanks for letting me vent!

Me: 34 - Hydrosalpinx DH: 33
Previous history
IUI switched to TI x6 = BFN
IUI x2 = BFN
Essure procedure for hydro

New starts

*Possibly starting clomid in Sept or Oct 

Re: As if IF isn't bad enough.. stress on friendships (kids mentioned)

  • I am sorry. I recently wrote off someone who I thought was a good friend (though we only knew each other a few years so I'm sure it's much harder for you) for a similar reason. It is hard. I wish I knew the words to say to make it better, but I don't. Sometimes you see the true ability for a friend to either have sympathy or not with situations like this.
    TTC from May 2011 to Jan 2013. Due 9/11/13
  • When my DH and I started trying my BF told me that she wished we would not get KU. She was worried about loosing me as a friend because I would be to worried about my baby and not have time for her. We are still friends however I have never forgotten what she said to me that day and I struggle all the times with it! Not that her saying that is why we have IF ( doubt she has that much power lol). So I know the pain IF has on friendships. I'm really sorry your facing that with your BFF it is not a fun place to be. I hope you guys can work it out.......so sorry! 
    ITS A GIRL!!! TTC 8/11 November Clomid 150mg+trigger+IUI+TI= BFP<br>
    You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' 
    Eleanor Roosevelt 
    image image 
    image
  • I am so sorry. :(  

    I find as I get older my friendships change-- especially friends that I have had since I was young- because over time we all change as people.  Some friends that I was really close with, I just can't be anymore because we have just grown so much apart. Others who I used to only be casual friends with have developed into some of my best friends.  

    I am not saying not to be friends with your BFF anymore, I am just saying that maybe this is an example of you two growing apart a little bit (or maybe her not growing enough--sry but she sounds a little immature)...I really don't know.  It is just my two cents, but again, I am just so sorry you had to hear those words from someone :(

    After 1.5 years TTC, IUI #2= BFP 12/2/12

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    "And the dream that you dare to dream really do come true"


    image
  • I'm so sorry this is happening to you! I recently had to have a heart-to-heart with my BFF who recently had a baby about how her comments were hurtful. She blew up on me after I asked her nicely to be more empathetic towards IF. Im undergoing  counseling and one thing the therapist mentioned that struck a cord with me was I've trained all of my family/friends that I'm always there for them no matter what. At one point in the relationship the level of effort/support I give is 110% and if they are only giving back 30% then it's not fair to me and it's okay to not feel guilty about not being there for them. If your BFF can not understand how unhappy certain comments make you then maybe now isn't the time for her to be in your life. That was hard for me to accept because I've always been taught you are there for people thru the good/bad, but if they are making the same effort then it's very one-sided and completely not fair.  
    image
    3T January Siggy Challenge: New Years Resolutions 
    TTC since 10/2010 (Rhythm method since 2007)
    Me (33) Sept 2012 - DX Low ovulation/progesterone, Luteal Phase Defect. HSG 5/2012: both tubes are open, cervix and lining look good;
    September 2014 DX Hashimoto's; November 2014: PCOS IR

    ***
    DH (37) Sept 2012 SA Normal; October 2014 Mild MFI count 42 Million, Motility 36%, Morphology 2%. Clomid 50mg,
    ***
    2004 Cyrosurgery, LEEP
    May 2012 - HSG Clear; June 2012 - Appointment with RE
    July 2012 - October 2012 - Clomid 50mg W/ TI & Progesterone 3 mature follicles- BFN
    January 2013 IUI #1 (900,000 post wash) Clomid 50mg, TI & Progesterone 2 mature follicles - BFN
    February 2013 IUI #2 (1.3 Mil post wash) Clomid 50mg, TI & Progesterone 4 mature follicles - BFN
    March 2013 IUI #1-3 (2.5 mil post wash) Clomid 50mg, Baby Aspirin (lining thinned) TI & Progesterone - 2 mature follicles BFN
    April 2013 Benched due to cyst, May 2013 WTF appointment
    June 2013 DH SA mild MFI break for 2 months to re-test; August 2013 - DH SA 36 Mil count, 36% Motility, Morp 2%
    September - December 2013 - Mental sanity Break
    January 2014 - IUI #4
    switches to natural due to scheduling conflict Femara TI & Progesterone - 1 mature follicle - BFN
    May 2014-June 2014 - DH Appointment w/ Urologist to check Bi-lateral Varicocele; 2nd opinion w/ another urologist - bi-lateral varicocele dx is slight no surgery
    July 2014 DH starts clomid 25mg daily SA 53.8 Mil count, Motility 37%, Morph 3%;
    September 2014 DH Repeat SA after being on clomid for 3 months 42 Mil Count, Motility 36%, Morph 2%
    October 2014 Me: Hashimoto's DX, DH taken off clomid;November 2014 Me: new RE PCOS IR Diagnosis
    December 2014: IUI #4 Follitism 75iu 7 days, TI, IUI & Progesterone, BFMFN

    January 2015: IUI #5 Gonal-F 75iu 7 days, TI, IUI & Progesterone, Another BFMFN onto IUI #6
       image

  • Im so sorry you have to go through that.  I went through something similar a few months ago w my BFF from kindergarten.  She reamed me out because I was so withdrawn & how I can't "blame the fertility meds".  She also chose to tell me that she "knows how I feel" because she had a recent ectopic she chose not to tell me about and an elective abortion(she doesn't want kids).  Yeah, that makes me feel so much better, thanks!

     

     

    "Everything will be alright in the end. So if it's not alright, it is not yet the end."
    Me:29 DH:29  TTC since 1/11 Dx: unexplained IF/early DOR/immune issues 
    Feb'12- July'12-testing(all clear minus slight arcuate ute), 3 IUI with clomid all BFN
    8/30IVF#1 Antagonist protocol- ER 9/11-8R, 7M, 5F. 
    ET 9/14 2 embies transferred. 1 10cell Grade 4, 1 8cell Grade 4. No frosties. BFN
    IVF#2 Antagonist protocol plus baby aspirin- ER 12/5-16R, 12M, 8F!
    ET 12/10 5dt! 1 fully expanded blast & 1 early blast. No frosties. BFN
    3/13 hysteroscopy & polypectomy, 
    Consulted w Dr. Kwak-Kim.  
    DX: High NK cells, cytokines, DHEAs& PAI1;  hypothyroid, +APA, restricted bloodflow
    7/13 IVF#3 Long lupron protocol with PIO, Crinone, Prometrium, and vivelle
    (plus synthroid, metformin, baby asa, metanx, PNV, Vit E, D, calcium, fish oil, CoQ10, IVIg infusions and lovenox per Dr. Kwak-kim)
    ER 7/19 14R, 11M, 9F(4 natural fert, 5 with ICSI)
    ET 5dt 7/24 2 fully expanded blasts.  SURPRISE 3 FROSTIES!!!
    Beta #1 8/2 335!!!! Beta #2 829!!!  1st u/s 8/14 showed TWINS!!!!!
    11/11: TEAM PURPLE!!!!!
    3/21/14-L&W born at 37w via csection

    Here Comes the Sun Blog
    PAIF/SAIF welcome!
  • image APotterHead:

    So my BFF since Middle School is a fertile. She has 4 kids, all unplanned, has complained about getting KU each time and her unsupportive SO. I've been there for her through all of it!!! Lately she has taken to complaining about her fussy baby and how her SO doesn't help her out, etc. etc. I finally had to tell her that it upsets me when she complains about her baby... rational or not... it upsets me so please don't.

    She went off on me!!! Telling me its impossible to talk to me any more because everything upsets me! Oh, and we "both know she can't magically make my pregnant so what do I expect her to do".

    This is my BFF! She never asks me about my IF or whats going on, but I'm suppose to listen to her whine about her family?? UGGGHHHHH!!!

    Thanks for letting me vent!

    Wow that is awful! I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I feel like infertility has kind of caused a slight distance between my BFF and I too which is a bummer. I think it is mostly because she doesn't know what to say or how to comfort me. If people only knew that a simple, "hey how are you?" instead of trying to avoid the topic completely is actually comforting (to me anyway). All I need to know is that someone cares. Good luck with everything! 

    Married for 3 years to the love of my life! TTC for over a year. Started seeing RE in April 2012. Lap in July revealed endo covering left ovary and part of my bowels. This will require extensive surgery by a specialist. RE wants us to have babies first because surgery could compromise my ability to carry. Started first round of IVF in August. Ten follies retrieved, eight fertilized, two frosties.


    IVF #1= C/P
    *Frozen Embie Transfer scheduled for end of Nov/Dec. Going to transfer 2 frosties if all goes according to plan*

    FET # 1 [12/18]: Transferred two "beautiful" embies.

    Beta # 1: 126 [BFP!]

    Beta # 2: 546

    Beta #3: 1618!!

    Beta # 4 - 4954!!!!!!
    Ultrasound 1/18 - Two heartbeats at 121 and 136. Fraternal twins!
    Um, is this really happening?!


    "The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped." Psalm 28:7



    Lilypie Trying to Conceive Event tickers



    Our Road to Fertility (My blog)


    Pregnancy Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards