Should've Beens

Junebug060609 · November 2012

Just need to vent a bit somewhere that I know people will get it.

Today was supposed to be 12 weeks. It was supposed to be my NT scan and a chance to see a bouncing, wiggling baby and hopefully get good news. Instead my ute is empty. Turns out I do get an ultrasound this week, but instead of hoping to see a baby, I'm hoping to see my ute is empty so I can avoid a dnc on Friday.

Overall I'm doing better with this loss than my first one. I'm just numb it's happened again and I find myself saying, "WTF Universe? One wasn't enough?!?!" And just being pissed at the universe for taking away the closest thing to a happy pregnancy that I've had...with my sons I was so scared the whole time. I know next time that fear will be back...with the added fear of chromosomal issues since those are the likely cause of both my losses and I'm AMA and pre eclampsia returning if I can make it that far. Plus I'm already worried there is something more going on, that my losses weren't flukes. Time will tell, I suppose, though I hope to discuss it with my OB before we try again.

Sorry for the vent. Seriously wanting to give the universe the finger today.

mightymousy · November 2012

I went through one of these days on Monday when I would have been 13w. "I was supposed to be finished the first tri this week" moment. I feel your pain but I hope you get a positive checkup to help you move forward. I'll be happy to see my body get normal again after my d&c, so far no where close.

alleycat39 · November 2012

I have that "should've been" feeling today. I should have been 9 weeks today, but instead go in for a D&C. I'm guessing these "should've been" feelings will pop up from time to time, especially on what should have been a due date.

This is a great place for you to come and vent because we can all understand in our own little way of what you are going through. (((Hugs))) to you!

ac5008 · November 2012

I have these all the time. Sometimes I still feel pregnant and it makes me so sad. I'm so sorry you're having these feelings. I wish no one had to go through this.

akasha0624 · November 2012

i second everything you posted. its really hard when youve had repeated losses (as youve had) because there are a lot of shouldve beens. i should be 32 weeks today, or 13... i only had one of my miscarriages tested (most recent) and it showed a chromosomal issue too. i am hoping it was just a bad sperm/egg connection, but i too have a bad feeling that more is going on (I also have a bicornuate or possibly septated uterus; will know for sure soon). so if i may give the universe the finger along with you? two fingers ok? ;-)

kelle017 · November 2012

I get you. I felt that way at Thanksgiving. I would have been 14 weeks and would have announced it. Or I would have announced my second pregnancy at Christmas, but now I get neither of those things.

Sorry life sucks big time sometimes.

CaliforniaDream87 · November 2012

HUGS

I'm so sorry.

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