Moms of 2 or more

Lena122 · November 2012

Bears' post got me thinking but please forgive me if this comes out weird...

Did your feelings for LO1 change or feel different when LO2 came along?

It's hard for me to imagine loving and caring for anyone else the way I love and care for Munchkin. Realistically, I know that if/when LO2 comes along I will love them just as much. It's just hard to imagine it.

So I'm wondering, what's it like to love 2 or more babies equally?

LoveBeingMama · November 2012

Before DS2 was born, I was so scared that it would mean less time with DS1, my little buddy. He was almost 21 months when DS2 was born. I thought I would spend all of my time with a newborn, and it made me very sad that I would miss out on things. I actually cried abut this a lot when I was pregnant

However, I think the exact opposite happened. I was home on maternity leave, and the baby didn't do very much at first, so I actually had more time to spend with DS1 than I had ever imagined. It was wonderful and we became closer. I did start to feel bad that I didn't give DS2 as much individual attention as I had given DS1 as a newborn.

And as for loving two kids equally, with DS2, of course I loved him right away when he was born, but I didn't really know him yet. Truthfully, it took a few months of getting to know him ( his personality, his likes and dislikes) before I felt a strong connection with him. My boys are very different fom each other. Like others, I didn't know how I could love two kids the same way I loved my first son, but somehow, it just happens, and every day I look at both of them and think my heart is just going to explode from loving both of them so much.

tmjmeister · November 2012

My feelings didn't change at all for Mimi but I think part of it is because I had a boy the second time. I love them equally and completely, just differently, if that makes any sense. I always loved how genuinely sweet Mimi is and independent she is and I am in even more in love now because her personality allows me to give both of them attention. She has always been my little girl, my princess, the one that wants to go shopping with me when no one else does, the one thats so easy to please. LJ is completely different than Mimi, not a bad different, just different. He loves to snuggle me and be around me all day, he will choose me over J (Mimi is the opposite). I love them differently because they are different but not one more than the other, if that makes any sense.

Mistifier · November 2012

Lena122:
Bears' post got me thinking but please forgive me if this comes out weird...Did your feelings for LO1 change or feel different when LO2 came along?It's hard for me to imagine loving and caring for anyone else the way I love and care for Munchkin. Realistically, I know that if/when LO2 comes along I will love them just as much. It's just hard to imagine it. So I'm wondering, what's it like to love 2 or more babies equally?

I have the same worry! I know I would love our second baby just as much though.

bluejayway · November 2012

My daughters are 18 months apart. I worried about this my whole pregnancy, but I needn't have. The love I felt for DD2 was intense and immediate. Almost more so than it was with DD1 when she was born, perhaps because I could better envision the child she might become. I had worried about taking away from my older girl's babyhood, jealousies, resentment on my part, etc. My daughters are so different, behavior wise, looks wise, demeanor and personality wise. And I love them equally, but differently. I've begun to understand it like this: love is never subtraction, my heart has never been split...my time has, maybe, haha! But, seriously, love is exponentially multiplied. I cannot imagine another scenario or life without them both. However you time it or space it, you will be enough and things will be just fine.

SY Smiles · November 2012

I needed to read this post! I just found out a couple of days ago that I'm expecting #2 in July. We were trying, but I didn't expect it to happen so fast. I am happy, but I feel like I'm jipping DS somehow of the time he gets to be my only child. I know I shouldn't worry...but I do.

karleegirl · November 2012

I've worried about the something. When pregnant with ds 2 I worried because ds1 had been my only child for 11 years. When preg with dd I worried because she was a girl. But the truth is I love all 3 of them just as much, but each relationship is different.
There are days when I like one of them
better.
As far as my feelings or relationship changing they did to some extent, because having another sibling changed them. I have to work a little bit harder to be patient with ds2. He's very sensitive and a bit immature. He loves dd but is jealous. Kids are hard work.

goldenleaves · November 2012

I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to love both kids the same. Especially since Ryan was my first, I just KNEW I wouldn't be able to love another baby as much as him.

It's crazy how much your heart expands to add the love of another child. It's seriously awesome!

aglenn · November 2012

karleegirl:
I've worried about the something. When pregnant with ds 2 I worried because ds1 had been my only child for 11 years. When preg with dd I worried because she was a girl. But the truth is I love all 3 of them just as much, but each relationship is different. There are days when I like one of them better. As far as my feelings or relationship changing they did to some extent, because having another sibling changed them. I have to work a little bit harder to be patient with ds2. He's very sensitive and a bit immature. He loves dd but is jealous. Kids are hard work.

I totally agree with Karlee. I love them both as much, but they are different people so we interact differently. And I would not be truthful if I didn't admit that things are harder with DD because I can't give her the same focus as I used to. She is an intense kiddo and needs a ton of attention and physical touch, which she just can't always get the very minute she wants it any more. It is hard, but probably good for her as she grows up, too.

sunnyday016 · November 2012

It's hard for me to describe. I love them both SO completely, but because they are two totally different people/personalities, my love for them is very different.

ETA: For me, I didn't feel a huge "connection" to DS while I was pregnant. I have heard the same from other second-time moms. However, once he was born the love was there and immediate, same as it was for my first child.

christinak22 · November 2012

I can agree with a lot of what was already said--I love them both very much but differently. I actually had a hard time (as did DH) when DS was first born loving EITHER of the kids because they were both so hard. DS was collicky and DD was angry and irritable.

I think I love them even more together than I would if I just had one of them because my heart is so completely warmed watching them love each other! It just melts me to watch them play and laugh together.

nickert2000 · November 2012

I have 3 and it is the same but different b/c they are different and have different personalities. But the strength of the love is the same. It is hard to describe. My 1st 2 are only 23 months apart and I was soo sick during my pregnancy with the 2nd that I felt horribly guilty about it. But he survived.

However I would not want kids any closer in age than that for my own personal sanity reasons. My BFF just had Irish twins and she now realizes that when you add the 2nd the work load increases exponentially....

ghdst1 · November 2012

I now understand when people said before that they love all their children differently. Because both of my boys are so different there are different things I love about them both but I do in fact love them equally.

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